Initiating sex....I can't do it.
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Sex in Marriage Sexual problems are common in many relationships. This section is for discussions about sexuality. Please limit discussions to those asking for help with a problem and those offering advice. Any other threads may be deleted.

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Old 09-21-2012, 01:40 PM   #1 (permalink)
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Default Initiating sex....I can't do it.

My whole relationship with my husband has been him initiating sex. I always feel like he is too tired or just doesn't want to be with me. I know this stems from my own low self esteem but I have no idea how to go about fixing this. Here lately though our sex life has been amazing, sex has been great...granted I wish we explored other areas but I have to figure out how to get over my own issues. Has anyone else had this problem? How did you fix it?
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Old 09-21-2012, 01:50 PM   #2 (permalink)
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Default Re: Initiating sex....I can't do it.

I just posted in the ladies lounge a post that I think applies to this. It's easier than you think. If my wife "asks" I'll often say no, because her asking feels weird, almost as if she's asking because she thinks I want her to. But if she just reaches down and starts, I never say no. So as simple as it sounds, my advice is to just go for it. Pretend in your mind that your husband initiated already and you're just on to step two.
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Old 09-21-2012, 03:19 PM   #3 (permalink)
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Default Re: Initiating sex....I can't do it.

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...But if she just reaches down and starts....
...as if 'reaching down' is how to get things going.

It works on me. Every time. Some things, just dont get old.
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Old 09-21-2012, 03:20 PM   #4 (permalink)
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Default Re: Initiating sex....I can't do it.

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Originally Posted by WorkingOnMe View Post
I just posted in the ladies lounge a post that I think applies to this. It's easier than you think. If my wife "asks" I'll often say no, because her asking feels weird, almost as if she's asking because she thinks I want her to. But if she just reaches down and starts, I never say no. So as simple as it sounds, my advice is to just go for it. Pretend in your mind that your husband initiated already and you're just on to step two.
Have you ever told her to just do it? that you like the surprise aspect? might be fun
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Old 09-21-2012, 03:26 PM   #5 (permalink)
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Default Re: Initiating sex....I can't do it.

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Have you ever told her to just do it? that you like the surprise aspect? might be fun
What I've told her is that I don't like the bluntness of asking the way she used to. So now she just does it. And yes, it is fun
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Old 09-21-2012, 03:45 PM   #6 (permalink)
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...as if 'reaching down' is how to get things going.

It works on me. Every time. Some things, just dont get old.
Guys are easy....especially when it comes to sex.

Once you realize and believe it...things will get better.

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Old 09-21-2012, 03:54 PM   #7 (permalink)
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Default Re: Initiating sex....I can't do it.

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My whole relationship with my husband has been him initiating sex. I always feel like he is too tired or just doesn't want to be with me. I know this stems from my own low self esteem but I have no idea how to go about fixing this. Here lately though our sex life has been amazing, sex has been great...granted I wish we explored other areas but I have to figure out how to get over my own issues. Has anyone else had this problem? How did you fix it?
He wants to be with you. Women have a hard time having sex when stressed or tired, but men generally want more sex when they are stressed or tired. Although, it is different if he drops dead on the bed. You really don't need to worry about him finding you undesirable.

You can initiate sex, it will just feel weird the first time you do it. Do it a few times and you'll get used to it. You can also ask him about exploring other areas. He may want to do the same thing but doesn't want to push you into something you don't want to do.
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Old 09-21-2012, 04:34 PM   #8 (permalink)
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Default Re: Initiating sex....I can't do it.

Quote:
Originally Posted by WorkingOnMe View Post
I just posted in the ladies lounge a post that I think applies to this. It's easier than you think. If my wife "asks" I'll often say no, because her asking feels weird, almost as if she's asking because she thinks I want her to. But if she just reaches down and starts, I never say no. So as simple as it sounds, my advice is to just go for it. Pretend in your mind that your husband initiated already and you're just on to step two.
See, for me, when my wife just shoves her hand into my pants, i freeze up completely. Originally we tried to schedule our encounters so it would put less pressure on me, but we discovered that put a lot of pressure on her because she prefers more spontaneity. So I've worked out a system that's been working pretty well for me... I schedule when I'm going to initiate with her so I can better prepare it, but my wife doesn't know anything about this, so it appears spontaneous to her.

And like anything else, with enough practice it'll get easier for you.
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Old 09-21-2012, 05:07 PM   #9 (permalink)
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Default Re: Initiating sex....I can't do it.

Quote:
Originally Posted by WorkingOnMe View Post
I just posted in the ladies lounge a post that I think applies to this. It's easier than you think. If my wife "asks" I'll often say no, because her asking feels weird, almost as if she's asking because she thinks I want her to. But if she just reaches down and starts, I never say no. So as simple as it sounds, my advice is to just go for it. Pretend in your mind that your husband initiated already and you're just on to step two.
Thanks for the advice. I guess its a weird fear, I love sex but I just feel awkward sometimes when the spotlight is on me. But I am going to try this, and not get nervous. I just have to tell myself its sex and not rocket science. Thanks again.
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Old 09-21-2012, 05:13 PM   #10 (permalink)
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Default Re: Initiating sex....I can't do it.

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Originally Posted by PAC View Post
He wants to be with you. Women have a hard time having sex when stressed or tired, but men generally want more sex when they are stressed or tired. Although, it is different if he drops dead on the bed. You really don't need to worry about him finding you undesirable.

You can initiate sex, it will just feel weird the first time you do it. Do it a few times and you'll get used to it. You can also ask him about exploring other areas. He may want to do the same thing but doesn't want to push you into something you don't want to do.
Thank you very much for your kind words. I know he finds me attractive, I just feel like a frumpy house wife I guess lol. Its hard to feel sexy when you have twin toddlers and they run you ragged. BUT I am going to try and initiate sex tonight. I just worry it will be an awkward mess. And him and I do need to talk about exploring further into our sex life, I guess this is just another fear of him thinking I may be crazy or what I may want could be considered a bit too much for him. Guess we shall see! Thanks again, I will most defiantly take your advice.
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Old 09-21-2012, 07:03 PM   #11 (permalink)
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Default Re: Initiating sex....I can't do it.

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Originally Posted by CupidScrewedUp View Post
...I just worry it will be an awkward mess...
It will be an awkward mess.Expect for it to be an awkward mess. Plan for it to be an awkward mess. If it turns out not to be an awkward mess, make it an awkward mess. Laugh about it with him.

And then you get yourself a handful of salami and go to town.
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