Please, Save my marriage after threesome?
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Sex in Marriage Sexual problems are common in many relationships. This section is for discussions about sexuality. Please limit discussions to those asking for help with a problem and those offering advice. Any other threads may be deleted.

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Old 10-08-2012, 09:14 AM   #1 (permalink)
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Default Please, Save my marriage after threesome?

Hello,

I am in a very big problem and my life is like hell. I hope from all ladies here in this good site to help me please. I beg you please.

I am asking ladies here, Because they are women like me and they may think like me and feel like me.

I am 22 years old, and my husband is 24 years old. We come from Lithuania (Eastern Europe) and we have been together for 3 years. Honestly, We were living in poor life standards in our poor country Lithuania, then, My husband moved to the US and brought me here.

Still, We live here in a very tight budget because my husband works as a driver (Getting a low salary) near a navy base, and I don't work (Just a house wife).

My husband is my first boyfriend and he is the only man I have been with. I love him and I care about him. To be honest I am not so romantic person and I am not one of those who knows the meaning to be in love and cannot live or breathe without my lover. Also, our life is OK and our relationship has ups and downs like many people, and I never had orgasm with my husband and I never knew hot it feels, I just read about it and that's all.

1 month ago, My husband suggested to have a threesome (MFM), and he said that he met a man from work who is willing to do this with us.

I was afraid of the idea, and my husband told me that everything will be ok and it will be fun to try new things together. We put some rules: (Using condoms, No kissing with that man, No Oral with that man, No anal sex with that man, and the only thing allowed with that man is: Vaginal sex).

So, The man came with my husband to our small apartment, and he was very handsome man and has a wonderful body in shape and he was wearing a nice uniform.

It was very awkward in the begining, I and my husband started together while the other man watching and touching himself, then, I started oral sex on my husband and that man started penetrating me from behind (Doggy style), it was very intense sex and I really felt great.

My husband comes inside my mouth so quickly and he stopped while that man kept going and I never felt like that my whole life...

Unconditionally, I screamed (Because of the joy) and I had an orgasm with that man, and I felt my legs are shaking and I couldn't breathe anymore.

Right away after that, My husband saw all that, and he jumped like crazy pushing that man away from me and asking him to leave.

The man shouted on my husband and finally left our apartment and thanks god they didn't fight.

After cleaning up and dressed, my husband didn't talk to me, and when I tried talking to him or touch him he just reject me totally, then, he insulted me and telling me that I am a ***** because we have been married for 3 years and never had an orgasm with him, But with this other man I had it.

I swear I don't know how all this happened... I wish I never accepted this **** in the first place.

I told my husband that was his idea and I told him I agreed because you wanted it, But my husband told me yes he admits all that but he is hurt deeply and he cannot forget or forgive what happened in front of his eyes.

I am very worried if my husband divorced, then, I will go back to the hell in my country... I don't wanna go there.

At the same time, My husband now doesn't talk to me and he treat me with complete disrespect... even when he comes and I watch TV he tells me: Yeah those men in TV are good in bed... why dont you go sleep with them.

Please ladies, I want to save my marriage and I don't want to leave my husband ... What can I do?

My husband has been kind and nice to me all those years and he really works hard sometimes about 18 hours a day to buy for me gifts and clothes.

I know that it is his fault that he suggested this **** and I know that it is my fault that I accepted, But I know that I hurt his dignity and hurt his manhood. Please help me to ask his forgiveness.
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Old 10-08-2012, 09:24 AM   #2 (permalink)
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Default Re: Please, Save my marriage after threesome?

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Hello,



I know that it is his fault that he suggested this **** and I know that it is my fault that I accepted, But I know that I hurt his dignity and hurt his manhood. Please help me to ask his forgiveness.
Ask his forgiveness for what exactly? For responding in a completely involuntary way? For hurting his pride? What result did he THINK was going to happen?

You both share equally in this problem. Him for suggesting such a thing without thinking it through, and you for accepting without thinking it through. Now what? What did he expect?

You both need to figure out why this happened and what result you expected. I don't know that your marriage can be saved as anytime an outside person enters into a couple's private relationship there will be conflict.
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Old 10-08-2012, 09:26 AM   #3 (permalink)
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Default Re: Please, Save my marriage after threesome?

I'm sorry that you're here. I apologize for responding (I'm a man) but your story is very compelling. Your husband is an idiot. He put you in that position and now he feels victimized? What a douche bag! I'm sorry to say but your marriage might be over. Do you have kids? If not, I think you should get a job and start becoming self-sufficient.
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Old 10-08-2012, 09:35 AM   #4 (permalink)
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Default Re: Please, Save my marriage after threesome?

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I'm sorry that you're here. I apologize for responding (I'm a man) but your story is very compelling. Your husband is an idiot. He put you in that position and now he feels victimized? What a douche bag! I'm sorry to say but your marriage might be over. Do you have kids? If not, I think you should get a job and start becoming self-sufficient.
Even if you had said no, what might he have done. Sulked, find someone else to do a threesome with.

I agree with Cristo, maybe it's time to make exit plans.
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Old 10-08-2012, 09:37 AM   #5 (permalink)
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Default Re: Please, Save my marriage after threesome?

I know you asked for responses from females but i must interject-- your husband made a tremendous error in judgment. He is supposed to lead you and he led you to an immoral situation-- because he wanted to strokr his own ego. And it clearly backfired and now he's upset.

He's upset because he feels threatened. Tell him this was his doing, not yours. He has issues that need worked through if he wants to be in a marriage.

As for you i would implore you to never, ever go along with these kinds of ideas again. I pray to God that the two of you make it.
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Old 10-08-2012, 09:56 AM   #6 (permalink)
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Default Re: Please, Save my marriage after threesome?

Your husband brought this on himself, and so how it came to happen is his fault.

However, it's obvious that your husband now feels like less of a man because this stranger was able to give you an orgasm after only a few minutes. The one thing your husband has never been able to accomplish.

Imagine how you would feel as his wife if you had never been able to get him to have an orgasm. Ever. Then another woman was able to quickly and easily get him off, and not just in a little way , but in a big way.

Your husband is humiliated and in one of the worst ways possible.

I do wonder, why did he suggest another man? Usually men want a FMF, and not a MFM. SO why a man? And why that man?
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Old 10-08-2012, 10:10 AM   #7 (permalink)
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Default Re: Please, Save my marriage after threesome?

The most immediate thing you can do to help calm his insecurity is to act as if you are having an orgasm when you have sex. Second, you can tell him you had an orgasm that night only because it was so different but that you love your husband and enjoy him in bed very much.

After you calm him down, and do not fear he will send you back to Lithuania, you must begin to plan for your future. Pursue citizenship, go to school or find a job, slowly make yourself secure. This will take years but this is your duty to yourself to become independent. You will need to make sacrifices to achieve this.
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Old 10-08-2012, 10:14 AM   #8 (permalink)
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Default Re: Please, Save my marriage after threesome?

I feel very sad and want to explode because of anger and sadness.

Thank you all for your replies. Yes, It as I wrote on my first post that it was my husband's fault to suggest this, and equally it is my fault to accept it.

My husband actually suggested threesome without any details. I told him that since he wants to try a new woman, then it is fair for me to try a new man. So my husband accepted.

Because my husband doesn't know other women, and obviously I don't have friends here in the US, my husband suggested that we start with MFM, then, later with FMF.

It did not matter for me if my husband is an idiot or whatever for suggesting this. I know we did a mistake, But I love him.

I know inside my heart that he is really a good man and I will never find a better man. He paid my collage fees, He takes a part of his salary every month to send it to my mother back home to support my three young sisters (My father passed away and no one support my family back home), and he never hit me or treated me badly since the first day I met him.

I felt lucky to be married to him because all my girl friends back home are with guys whom are jerks.

If we got divorced I am the loser. I lost a man who never hurt me and always stood by my side, I don't know anyone here and I cannot get any job. So, I will go back home. But I am 100% sure that if he left and he went back home, there are so many girls in my age are willing to be with him and he will forget me.

I talked with him, and he doesn't hate me for what happened. He just told me that he cannot forget what he saw in his eyes, and there is no way that we can be together again.

Since that night he sleeps on the sofa... he doesn't talk to me and doesn't eat the food I cook and no communication at all.

I feel that pain because of two reasons:

1) I turned out to be a massive disappointment to the only man who loved me and cared about me. I hurt him for not being able to come with him, and now I feel like I killed him because I had orgasm with that man.

2) I feel sad for myself because life taught me a lesson in a very harsh way and now I lost the man who I will never find any one like him.
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Old 10-08-2012, 10:15 AM   #9 (permalink)
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Default Re: Please, Save my marriage after threesome?

Now that you have experienced orgasm, you have 2 choices:

1. Stay. He, your husband, better stop being an idiot and start reading up on how to be a better lover and improve his technique.

2. or Leave. This option appears unlikely (for now) since you dont work and your husband does not make enough money for spousal support. But you are young. I dont think you'll spend the rest of your life being chaste and unable to orgasm with your husband.

In the meantime, you'll be processing and reevaluating many things. This will take a while and dont do anything silly like this again. Talk to your husband, be honest when he asks you questions.
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Old 10-08-2012, 10:16 AM   #10 (permalink)
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Default Re: Please, Save my marriage after threesome?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Shaggy View Post
Your husband brought this on himself, and so how it came to happen is his fault.

However, it's obvious that your husband now feels like less of a man because this stranger was able to give you an orgasm after only a few minutes. The one thing your husband has never been able to accomplish.
And??



Imagine how you would feel as his wife if you had never been able to get him to have an orgasm. Ever. Then another woman was able to quickly and easily get him off, and not just in a little way , but in a big way.

Whats your point??

Your husband is humiliated and in one of the worst ways possible.

Who cares if he feels that way..I seriously mean that..
I dont wanna get in to a moral´s about threesome´s

But what do you expect? She was a virgin when the met.And perhaps her husband And he knew that. Did her husband seriously think that he is the MAN
it would be kinda difficult for her to know anything about,sex considering lack of experience.The situation for her must have been surreal, in naughty way. Think about you and two girls,
What would happen?

I have friend that badgered,his then girlfriend for years about the same thing.Until one day ,she was fek it lets do it..

He to started with singing the song.Cry me a river..
Despite we all told him not to do it..His reason drumroll almost the same reason..She apparently never Orgasmed the same waywhit him..He felt cheated.SIGH...


I do wonder, why did he suggest another man? Usually men want a FMF, and not a MFM. SO why a man? And why that man?
To OP

Dont let your husband abuse you like this.Stop take his crap.
His most likely going threw regret,and ager at him self.For suggesting this stupid idea,to begin with.
Be supportive of his feeling.But not to the extent of enduring his crap..And also dont be ashamed people do orgasm.Nothing wrong with that...

This crap is all on him....

Damn i getting so tired of Husband/boyfriend propose this.And then pull crap like this

Seriously Shaggy dont take my response personally.
But it just pisses me of, with guys like her husband..
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Last edited by Jonesey; 10-08-2012 at 10:26 AM.
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Old 10-08-2012, 10:20 AM   #11 (permalink)
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Default Re: Please, Save my marriage after threesome?

So, you posted the same time I did.

I think you and your husband need to talk. During that talk, you both need to be honest. And both of you dont skip on details -- that'll make it worse later on.
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Old 10-08-2012, 10:27 AM   #12 (permalink)
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@aug
Yes it seems we posted on the same time.

I talked with my husband about it. We both painfully regret it. But he told me clearly that he just cannot be with me anymore. He offered to buy me tickets to leave.

I post here to fix my marriage regardless who's mistake was. I didn't post here to read people insulting my husband.

Even if it is his mistake, I am still ready and willing for anything him because I owe him so much.

But apparently the only thing he wants is to split.
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Old 10-08-2012, 10:30 AM   #13 (permalink)
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Did this other man pay your husband money?

Find a marriage counselor. They have seen and heard it all, this is not something they don't know how to help you with. Counselors will work on a sliding scale, meaning they will charge you a lower fee if you cannot afford their full price. Even just a few sessions might make a big difference.

I agree that your husband is being abusive. He is also very hurt. I am not convinced that he loves you. If he does love you, there is a chance of your marriage recovering from this as long as both of you make an effort to work as a team to build it. Don't make it a conflict, make it a project you work on together.

Can you redefine the situation a bit for him? Instead of you having an orgasm because (some super hot guy had his hard penis inside your vagina), you had an orgasm because you were so turned on by your husband being so turned on. For me anyhow as a man, I am turned on by seeing my wife turned on. So your husband had come in your mouth and he was turned on by watching you with the other man. So you were really turned on, and then biology took over.
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Old 10-08-2012, 10:32 AM   #14 (permalink)
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Default Re: Please, Save my marriage after threesome?

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@aug
Yes it seems we posted on the same time.

I talked with my husband about it. We both painfully regret it. But he told me clearly that he just cannot be with me anymore. He offered to buy me tickets to leave.

I post here to fix my marriage regardless who's mistake was. I didn't post here to read people insulting my husband.

EXCUSE me for sticking up for you.Sigh..If my intention was to insult your husband..Trust you would know....

Even if it is his mistake, I am still ready and willing for anything him because I owe him so much.

But apparently the only thing he wants is to split.
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Old 10-08-2012, 10:37 AM   #15 (permalink)
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Default Re: Please, Save my marriage after threesome?

It never ends well when a man willingly let another man screw his wife.
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