Help! I'm going crazy. Not enough sex.
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Sex in Marriage Sexual problems are common in many relationships. This section is for discussions about sexuality. Please limit discussions to those asking for help with a problem and those offering advice. Any other threads may be deleted.

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Old 05-26-2009, 03:45 PM   #1 (permalink)
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Default Help! I'm going crazy. Not enough sex.

I know that this may seem like nothing, as some people I've seen on here only have sex a few times a year (I feel for you guys/gals, you are truly a loving spouse), but I am going absolutely insane.

My wife and I just got married on in January, and the more time that goes by, the less often we have sex. It started off perfect for both of us, but now it is about once every 2 weeks or less. And masturbation doesn't help.

We don't even sleep in a bed together. We basically live in the living room with the tv and laptops. I hate to be mean, but it is getting ridiculous. She doesn't really do anything anymore. We are both trying to find jobs, so she just sits on the couch watching tv and surfing the web all day, literally, everyday. 70% of the time she doesn't leave the house even once.

I do everything for her. I cook and clean for her. I run errands for her, but I have to nag her to get her to go with me to pick up her cigarettes at least once every few days.

I feel like I am being used. I can't remember a time when she made me a meal or went somewhere for me. I feel so bad saying these things. I really really do love her sooooo much and I know she loves me, which is why I always do everything for her(sometimes after I get guilted into it a little). I get so frustrated when she won't just do something herself. But if I start saying "I don't feeling like going anywhere" she just starts going "Oh.. ok, don't worry about it."

Gah, I feel like a jerk complaining. But whenever I bring up sex she says she is tired, or not in the mood or gets mad at me. I don't want guilt sex, that would not help anything. I want to be needed. Sex is not just a pleasure, it is a real emotional need for me. I am going insane. My stomach feels sick all day with anxiety, I am on the verge of bursting into tears and punching a hole in the wall. I just have a real need to be touched and held(she knows that, we talked about it in pre-marital counseling, and at least used to have the same need herself), even when we are not having sex, but we don't ever kiss or hug unless I am going to bed or I beg her for a hug. She just doesn't want to get up or stop what she is doing.

She keeps promising to have sex with me but never follows through, and when we do eventually have sex I have to aggressively initiate it. I know she really enjoys sex when she is finally in the mood. I just don't know what is wrong with me.

Thank you so much for you help.
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Old 05-26-2009, 03:56 PM   #2 (permalink)
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Default Re: Help! I'm going crazy. Not enough sex.

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Originally Posted by going_crazy View Post
I just don't know what is wrong with me.
There is nothing wrong with you. But you are way to accommodating doing everything for her. She is just using you, and has no respect for you. This is one of the reasons that she does not want sex any more. See: Sexless Marriage?

Your relationship sounds very dysfunctional. I would caution you not to get her pregnant until this issues is sorted, or you will be trapped in a no sex marriage forever.
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Old 05-26-2009, 04:08 PM   #3 (permalink)
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Default Re: Help! I'm going crazy. Not enough sex.

I know it sounds really bad. Sometimes it feels that way, but I never regret marrying her. I am more happy then I ever was before I met her.

Perhaps I need to stand up a little more and tell her to do some more things for herself. I think I am going to tell her that I want her to do more. I know this sounds stupid, but it really is not quite as dysfunctional as it sounds (I'm sure that's what everyone says, but really).

And not to brag, but we did use to be very intimate. I even made her orgasm 3 times one night without touching her vagina.
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Old 05-26-2009, 05:36 PM   #4 (permalink)
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Default Re: Help! I'm going crazy. Not enough sex.

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Originally Posted by going_crazy View Post
I am on the verge of bursting into tears and punching a hole in the wall.
i know just how you feel. sexual frustration is one of the worst things. there's no making heads or tails of it, no using logical thoughts to control it. I go nuts, too.

but i think your lifestyle is not condusive for sex. you both sit around all day and you basically wait on her hand and foot. do you guys exercise? do you do anything fun? i cant imagine wanting sex in that kind of situation.

I told my H a few months ago if the sex doesnt improve, Im going to have to leave because if i dont, i'll cheat on him. I didnt give him an ultimatum on the spot. i didnt give it a time frame at all. but i did let him know eventually im going to have to leave.

but i also take responsiblity of my part for the lack of sex. For you, you've got to stop doing things for her. you're building up resentment and you probably are not emotionally attractive to her-which is a big turn off. start exercising, eating right, and get a life.
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Old 05-27-2009, 03:58 PM   #5 (permalink)
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Default Re: Help! I'm going crazy. Not enough sex.

I would venture to say the lack of mood is due to the lack of a job and being "productive," watching tv and surfing the net is not productive those are past times... depression... not necessarily clinical although always a possibility, but a rough time; with some productiveness, feeling good about herself she may find a sexual drive that is compatible with yours.
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Old 05-28-2009, 05:00 AM   #6 (permalink)
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Default Re: Help! I'm going crazy. Not enough sex.

Wait, neither of you have jobs but yet you can afford cable, internet and smoking and all you're worried about is how often you get laid? Jesus...I wish my priorities were as messed up as that.

Hey, here's an idea, maybe the two of you should get off your ass and find a job...then you have less time to worry about how much sex you aren't getting and when you do, it will make it that much more special.

If she isn't doing anything and doesn't feel like doing anything, it's possible she is depressed and might want to have that looked in to, if there is time between nag sessions about how little nookie you are getting.

Can you say "Springer Episode?"

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Old 05-28-2009, 06:40 AM   #7 (permalink)
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Default Re: Help! I'm going crazy. Not enough sex.

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Originally Posted by JDPreacher View Post
Wait, neither of you have jobs but yet you can afford cable, internet and smoking and all you're worried about is how often you get laid? Jesus...I wish my priorities were as messed up as that.

Hey, here's an idea, maybe the two of you should get off your ass and find a job...then you have less time to worry about how much sex you aren't getting and when you do, it will make it that much more special.

If she isn't doing anything and doesn't feel like doing anything, it's possible she is depressed and might want to have that looked in to, if there is time between nag sessions about how little nookie you are getting.

Can you say "Springer Episode?"

Blessed Be,
Preacher
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Old 05-28-2009, 09:37 AM   #8 (permalink)
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Default Re: Help! I'm going crazy. Not enough sex.

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Wait, neither of you have jobs but yet you can afford cable, internet and smoking and all you're worried about is how often you get laid? Jesus...I wish my priorities were as messed up as that.

Hey, here's an idea, maybe the two of you should get off your ass and find a job...then you have less time to worry about how much sex you aren't getting and when you do, it will make it that much more special.

If she isn't doing anything and doesn't feel like doing anything, it's possible she is depressed and might want to have that looked in to, if there is time between nag sessions about how little nookie you are getting.

Can you say "Springer Episode?"

Blessed Be,
Preacher

We don't have messed up priorities. We just live a terrible place with no jobs. I have been looking for a job since September, and my wife has been looking since March.

We have each applied to around 400-500 jobs and have not received a single call back or interview or anything, it is not for lack of trying. We live in about 15-18% unemployment. But have recently decided to move out of state to find jobs.


And thank you to everyone who offered some advice. I talked to her yesterday, and we have both been depressed and feeling helpless lately, and we went out on a date and things are looking better. It's just hard to do anything when looking at so much debt and no jobs.

But I guess if we are making it through this as well as we are, things will be pretty easy when we do have jobs.

Things are awesome, and thanks again.
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Old 05-28-2009, 09:50 AM   #9 (permalink)
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Default Re: Help! I'm going crazy. Not enough sex.

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Originally Posted by going_crazy View Post
But I guess if we are making it through this as well as we are, things will be pretty easy when we do have jobs.

Things are awesome, and thanks again.
Yep. My old boss used to call it "training with weights on".
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