Sex in MarriageSexual problems are common in many relationships. This section is for discussions about sexuality. Please limit discussions to those asking for help with a problem and those offering advice. Any other threads may be deleted.
Not sure what to do. We used to make out for hours while dating. I love kissing her almost as much as sex and it feels more intimate to me to kiss. Making love without kissing is empty. I can't feel any passion. Her main excuse is she thinks it's yucky and now that we can have sex she would rather do that. The problem for me is that kissing is an essentail thing for me. Truely, it is almost a deal breaker for me. I am worried that she is lying and has some other reason why she is not doing this or that one or both of us will stray because of this and the marriage will be over. She loves watching kissing shows like the bachelor and I know if we got divored she'd be out kissing the next guy within a few weeks. I tried shaving on the way home from work every day, brushing my teeth all the time, sending love notes, taking her on more dates, talking to her more, and helping more around the house. Nothing seems to be working. And no I didn't do anything wrong that I know of. And I have always been a good kisser. I have never had any complaints from any of my old girlfriends. Any ideas? How can I communicate how much it means to me without it sounding like I am trying to manipulate her or guilt her into it. I want her to want to kiss me passionately. I need this to be able to connect with her.
For her to resist kissing, it seems like she's not emotionally connected to you right now.
Another reason, maybe she's worried that she has bad breath? This is one thing I'm constantly worried about. I'm constantly brushing my teeth/tongue, flossing and gargling with listerine. Maybe I use too much garlic in my cooking? She could be self conscious about her breath.
Why not kiss her on her neck/ect in place of the mouth until you get this issue resolved. Also I will not kiss if we either of us do any oral during foreplay. That's just gross to me.
I remember my husband bringing this up a few years back. I was very busy in life, which I didn't realize we were not fully emotionally connected at the time. The kids were young and I was exhausted.
The fact that you used to make out all the time but now she finds it 'yucky' make me think it's technique-based. Not to knock you, but I've been with guys who claim they're good kissers and their technique hasn't worked for me at all. I don't know if I can provide much help, but I am a woman and I do love to kiss, so if I list some pointers, you can pick and choose which might apply and ignore the ones you've already tried and the ones that aren't applicable.
Do you know how she prefers to be kissed? I know I prefer kissing without tongue for the most part, except for a little tongue-action here and there, and more and more tongue as we get more horny. A guy who lunges in with his tongue all the time can get really repellent really quickly.
Do you kiss wet or dry? When you peck her on the cheek, does she immediately wipe it away? If so, you could be going in too wet.
It also sounds like she hasn't associated kissing with sex, if she thinks that now she is 'allowed' to have sex, the kissing can stop. I think that if you discuss it and tell her you're open to kissing whatever way she prefers, even if it is a few short pecks or butterfly kisses, as long as you can do them as part of foreplay/sex because you really need that connection.
My STBXW stopped kissing me several years ago. She actually avoided it when I would try to kiss her. She would still have sex but without the kissing...it was not nearly as close and passionate.
I discovered she was having an affair. For women, kissing requires a very emotional connection. It is very intimate. I'm not saying that she is cheating but you may want to look into it. She may be losing her sense of emotional connection for you for other reasons.
I stopped kissing my husband when we lost emotional closeness. I simply have no need to kiss him or want to be kiss by him. But I do love kissing. It is all about connection just like they said. Sorry.
You can get it back. My husband and I did. We are even connected on such a deeper level now. The passion is definitely back with us. My husband has always met my needs, but it was up to me to realize this. Once I realized this, I started to tell him how much I appreciate him and what he does for us.
We are very good at communicating and hold nothing back. Once you start holding back the communication is when the resentments build. Good luck.