My Husband Won't Touch Me
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Sex in Marriage Sexual problems are common in many relationships. This section is for discussions about sexuality. Please limit discussions to those asking for help with a problem and those offering advice. Any other threads may be deleted.

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Old 06-08-2009, 10:13 PM   #1 (permalink)
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Unhappy My Husband Won't Touch Me

I need help. I'm 29, and my husband is 41. We have a 4 month old son. And there is alot of stress on my husband because of his job... Things at home are rough, but not horrible. My husband wont touch me... at all. I barely get hugs or kisses and sex pretty much never happens anymore. I'm scared. He went from having sex 2-3 times a night to nothing. I cant even get him to lay close to me in bed. I cant get him interested in me no matter what I do. I have even outright asked for sex and still been denied. He would rather watch the TV. I draw the line at begging him to touch me... That is something my ex-husband used to do and it was degrading. Everything else in our lives is great. He is a great dad and takes care of us. Help!!!!!
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Old 06-09-2009, 05:27 AM   #2 (permalink)
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Default Re: My Husband Won't Touch Me

shackles-

How long has this been going on?
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Old 06-09-2009, 09:52 AM   #3 (permalink)
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about 6 months... when I was still pregnant.
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Old 06-09-2009, 10:13 AM   #4 (permalink)
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shackles-

Do you have any idea what led to the change in his attraction to you?
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Old 06-10-2009, 10:18 AM   #5 (permalink)
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Default Re: My Husband Won't Touch Me

so this started in late pregnancy, and hasn't changed since?

Are you nursing your baby?

Some men will stop sexual contact for fear of hurting you or the baby during pregnancy. Also, if you are lactating, for some men that is a big turnoff.

Combine that, with stress at work, and the demands of new parenthood, and of course the feeling that you can be interrupted at any moment, and he might be fleeing into his cave for his sanity.

When a baby arrives, it tends to take over the relationship. How much time do the two of you try to set aside just for each other? 4 months is a little early for baby sitters, but do you have grandparents close to help take that pressure off, and give you the night off for each other?
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Old 06-11-2009, 02:47 AM   #6 (permalink)
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Let me give you first hand info Stress can be rough on us men and what will make it worse is when our spouse gets demanding in the sex department. Trust me we want too but the stress does a number on our manlyness in the bed until we can feel in control of life not wife but the things around the family we have to constantly be on guard for the next problem to crop up on us. My wife tried the direct approach and it put more pressure on me to perform then she got caught up in the "whats wrong with me" deal and created another pressure point for me God for bid I even fail in that area it is hard to turn it around the more we talk about it the worst it got. Bottom line I love my wife dearly but the world gets rough and somethings are hard to deal with when you are by yourself and people are depending on you for their well being. I can say this for myself I would love to be free of daily issues but if I don't no one will and we would be even more bad off.
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Old 06-11-2009, 03:22 PM   #7 (permalink)
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I agree with you 4one.....my husband can get so stressed out at times that it is very hard for him to have sex....and I too did the "whats wrong with me" thingy too.....but I know he loves me and we talk about things when he's stressed and that does seem to help more now.
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Old 06-12-2009, 01:15 AM   #8 (permalink)
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Default Re: My Husband Won't Touch Me

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He went from having sex 2-3 times a night to nothing. I cant even get him to lay close to me in bed. I cant get him interested in me no matter what I do. I have even outright asked for sex and still been denied. He would rather watch the TV.
IMO, something happened and he's hiding it from you. Maybe its stress, maybe he cheated, maybe its porn, but if he wont talk to you about it then that means he either doesnt trust you with his feelings or he knows what he did was wrong. or it could be both. In my experience when my h stopped wanting sex with me, it was a combination of the above; he did something he knew would piss me off and he couldnt talk to me about it because our relationship wasnt very good.
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Old 06-12-2009, 04:38 PM   #9 (permalink)
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IMO, something happened and he's hiding it from you. Maybe its stress, maybe he cheated, maybe its porn, but if he wont talk to you about it then that means he either doesnt trust you with his feelings or he knows what he did was wrong. or it could be both. In my experience when my h stopped wanting sex with me, it was a combination of the above; he did something he knew would piss me off and he couldnt talk to me about it because our relationship wasnt very good.
Or it could be that he is just a typical man and has trouble sharing his feelings. We tend to try and fix our problems by ourselves without help from people especially the ones we love the most. When is the last time he asked you for directions when he was driving…I’m guess never. The last thing we want is look weak or incompetent to our wives. My advice is to keep talking to him and give him time. We all react to life's challenges in different ways. Keep your head up and try not to pick yourself apart. You sound like a great wife and I am sure he’ll figure things out very soon.

PS I wish my problem was a wife that wanted sex LOL. It seems we have the same problem with our partners.
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Old 06-13-2009, 01:19 PM   #10 (permalink)
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I need help. I'm 29, and my husband is 41. We have a 4 month old son. And there is alot of stress on my husband because of his job... Things at home are rough, but not horrible. My husband wont touch me... at all. I barely get hugs or kisses and sex pretty much never happens anymore. I'm scared. He went from having sex 2-3 times a night to nothing. I cant even get him to lay close to me in bed. I cant get him interested in me no matter what I do. I have even outright asked for sex and still been denied. He would rather watch the TV. I draw the line at begging him to touch me... That is something my ex-husband used to do and it was degrading. Everything else in our lives is great. He is a great dad and takes care of us. Help!!!!!
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Old 06-13-2009, 04:58 PM   #11 (permalink)
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Don't read too much into it. Guys go through periods where they just find sex too much effort. It's not that they're neccessarily lazy its just sex is too demanding for them.

My advice don't try and initiate some awkward conversation that might only hummilliate him and just sour the relationship. I'm not saying that it might not get to that point but don't rust there.

See how he responds to a no strings blowjob. Rather than make a big thing out of it just do it casually making clear that its okay for him to finish and that you don't neccessarily expect him to shag you in return.

If he gets hard from the oral then you know there's nothing physiologically wrong. after he finishes encourage him to cuddle and be affectionate to you. Stick with the no strings blowjob for a few nights then after that when he realises that he actually wants to get off, try and get him to do something in return so he's actually earning them, whethere its just cuddling or snogging, hopefully once his sex drive is back on track he'll actually want to start shagging you properly.
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Old 08-13-2009, 12:56 PM   #12 (permalink)
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My ex-husband and I were married for 12 years. The first 4 were the best ever of my life. We had a little girl then the last 8 years I have been very lonely. He never initiated sex again. I tried initiating several times and he would respond but never could climax. We went to marriage conferences and a marriage counselor. I could never get a reason for why our sex life went from 4-5 times a week to nothing for years. My self-esteem plummeted. I still love him very much, but divorced him purely for self-preservation on July 2009. Within 1 month of my filing for divorce, he found a new lady in his life. She has stated online how romantic he is and how lucky the lady who wins his heart is. So this makes me think he still had it in him, but not for me. I was just somebody, but not somebody special. What happened?? I have asked him and his response was, "You have to figure that out on your own. I have no answers for you." Now he won't even talk to me by email or phone. My heart is broken and mourns for what we had the first 4 years. How do I let this go?
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Old 08-17-2009, 08:35 AM   #13 (permalink)
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Originally Posted by sarah.rslp View Post

See how he responds to a no strings blowjob. Rather than make a big thing out of it just do it casually making clear that its okay for him to finish and that you don't neccessarily expect him to shag you in return.

If he gets hard from the oral then you know there's nothing physiologically wrong. after he finishes encourage him to cuddle and be affectionate to you. Stick with the no strings blowjob for a few nights then after that when he realises that he actually wants to get off, try and get him to do something in return so he's actually earning them, whethere its just cuddling or snogging, hopefully once his sex drive is back on track he'll actually want to start shagging you properly.

Holy crap, a no strings BJ exists in a marriage?
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Old 08-17-2009, 10:22 AM   #14 (permalink)
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Default Re: My Husband Won't Touch Me

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Originally Posted by sarah.rslp View Post
Don't read too much into it. Guys go through periods where they just find sex too much effort. It's not that they're neccessarily lazy its just sex is too demanding for them.

My advice don't try and initiate some awkward conversation that might only hummilliate him and just sour the relationship. I'm not saying that it might not get to that point but don't rust there.

See how he responds to a no strings blowjob. Rather than make a big thing out of it just do it casually making clear that its okay for him to finish and that you don't neccessarily expect him to shag you in return.

If he gets hard from the oral then you know there's nothing physiologically wrong. after he finishes encourage him to cuddle and be affectionate to you. Stick with the no strings blowjob for a few nights then after that when he realises that he actually wants to get off, try and get him to do something in return so he's actually earning them, whethere its just cuddling or snogging, hopefully once his sex drive is back on track he'll actually want to start shagging you properly.

I dont know who these anonymous guys are but I'm 34 and never have I thought sex was too much effort. Or that I was too stressed about daily life to have sex. Those are excuses used by men who either dont find you sexually attractive anymore, have become addicted to porn and masturbation or are getting it someplace else.

Stress? Really? Like an orgasm isnt the best stress reliever in the world? Puh-leeze.




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Old 08-17-2009, 04:04 PM   #15 (permalink)
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dont ask or talk about it. just do it. when i got like that after my wifes baby she dressed up in lingerie and when i got off from work she took me in the bedroom and pushed me down and tied me up and went down on me. she had mirrors set up all over so i could watch it. I was so happy cause she showed how much it meant and spiced things up. sometimes a man just needs to be shown sometimes. and the change in his desires, when i saw my wife breast feed, i didnt look at boobs as a sexual thing for a year and a half. ya its beautiful and natural but most mens minds work differently. theres some things you should leave sexual in a mans eyes. hopefully that helps you
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