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Navigation »Talk About Marriage »Focused Topics »Sex in Marriage » Masturbating in bed next to spouse

Sex in Marriage Sexual problems are common in many relationships. This section is for discussions about sexuality. Please limit discussions to those asking for help with a problem and those offering advice. Any other threads may be deleted.

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Old 11-07-2012, 07:00 PM   #31 (permalink)
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Default Re: Masturbating in bed next to spouse

I still don't get it. I would feel so weird. And I thought I was really open minded.
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Old 11-07-2012, 07:04 PM   #32 (permalink)
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Default Re: Masturbating in bed next to spouse

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I think it's passive aggressive.
It can be. I used to wake up to my ex-husband attending to his "morning glory," but he had little or no interest in having sex with me. I can't believe I lasted 6 years with him...
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Old 11-07-2012, 07:47 PM   #33 (permalink)
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I'm reading two different situations here:

1) Sexless relationship, partner is frustrated with being rejected and passive aggressively masturbates with partner in bed while partner is either asleep or feigning sleep.

That sucks. Never done that or had it done to me

2)There is a difference in drives between a couple and instead of building up tension, the higher drive partner feels comfortable enough to "let one out" while the SO either watches with interest or helps (or doesn't really mind.)

Yeah, we do this all the time. My husband loves morning sex, I hardly ever get into it, so instead of me faking or half-assing sex he jerks off and I watch very interestedly. (I love watching him masturbate, it's amazing) Multiple benefits; he lasts longer later, I get turned on watching him, don't get that "sex fatigue" that I experience and once in awhile I'll be so turned on I'll join in.

He was a little suprised the first time I "caught" him doing this and encouraged it, not that popular I guess?

The only times I'm disappointed that he does this are the times I'm sleeping too heavily to wake up and watch him...he's kind of a masturbatory ninja.
You sound like my W. The only reason she seems to care if I masturbate when she's asleep or not there is she can't take part or watch. You'd think that after years of this, shed grow bored with it. Not so much. :-)

Neither of us, however, are low drive. We're about equally mid to hi drive. We both love sex with each other, and we both masturbate pretty frequently. Personally, I LOVE how we are.

What seems weird to me is not so much going solo with your S/O there, either asleep or awake, but rather sneaking off somewhere in the middle of the night, rubbing one out secretly in the shower, or just being frustrated and going without.

There is one disadvantage I find to trying to masturbate alone now. It is nowhere near as fun.
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Old 11-07-2012, 08:23 PM   #34 (permalink)
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Default Re: Masturbating in bed next to spouse

Well this thread is normalizing... didn't know other people were doing this!

Thankful to say I'm in the second camp though, no agendas here. Just physical satisfaction.
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Old 11-10-2012, 12:10 AM   #35 (permalink)
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Default Re: Masturbating in bed next to spouse

Not necessarily passive aggressive. My wife doesn't feel the need for sex, she wants physical intimacy aka cuddling in my arms while sleeping. I want action. Well I will do it quietly so that I don't disturb her. What's so wrong about that? Just taking care of my needs without disturbing anybody.
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Old 11-11-2012, 08:00 AM   #36 (permalink)
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Default Re: Masturbating in bed next to spouse

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Originally Posted by FrenchFry View Post


2)There is a difference in drives between a couple and instead of building up tension, the higher drive partner feels comfortable enough to "let one out" while the SO either watches with interest or helps (or doesn't really mind.)

Yeah, we do this all the time. My husband loves morning sex, I hardly ever get into it, so instead of me faking or half-assing sex he jerks off and I watch very interestedly. (I love watching him masturbate, it's amazing) Multiple benefits; he lasts longer later, I get turned on watching him, don't get that "sex fatigue" that I experience and once in awhile I'll be so turned on I'll join in.

He was a little suprised the first time I "caught" him doing this and encouraged it, not that popular I guess?

The only times I'm disappointed that he does this are the times I'm sleeping too heavily to wake up and watch him...he's kind of a masturbatory ninja.
FrenchFry,

This might sound weird, but my wife actually encourages me to do this about once a month when she is NOT in the mood and I go to bed early!

I have been in a deep sleep and suddenly noticed the smell of her Victoria's Secret Lotion for some reason. I always associate this smell with foreplay and continue to sleep....but this smell is like "erotic aroma therapy" and is going straight to my brain in a very powerful way!!

I wake up and notice that the stallion is as hard as a rock. I turn my head to look at the clock on her nightstand and feel something cool and silky on my pillow. It is her panties that she has put there for me to find....right next to my cheek....and that is where the scent is coming from!

I find myself in a very erotic and turned on state...and she is laying on her side, facing me...sleeping. Her breathing is steady and her eyes are closed. I turn back to my night stand and see my bottle of Astroglide sitting on the top of it. It is now clear to me that SHE has set up this entire erotic situation....so I go ahead and "enjoy" myself quietly while she sleeps. We have two night lights in our bedroom, so I know she can see "everything"....IF she is watching.

In the morning, she asks me if I had any erotic dreams while she picks up her silky RED panties off of my pillow. I confess that I did, and she just smiles from ear to ear.

I sure do love my sly, sexy wife! :
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Old 11-11-2012, 07:21 PM   #37 (permalink)
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I don't get it! I just don't. I see so many people posting about this and how they weren't sure what he/she was doing or didn't want to confront.
First off, how big is your bed that you can't tell what they are doing?
How do people have the gall to do this? are they hoping to get caught?
It's just so bizarre to me. And how do you do that without shaking the bed and making noise?
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Our bed is a queen size.. I do it because i don't have much of a choice, unless i want to go completely insane. I can't do it during the day, my son doesn't take naps anymore.. I don't care if i get caught either.
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Old 11-11-2012, 10:56 PM   #38 (permalink)
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Who are some of you people,its like I am upset if they do this or I am angey if they do that ,it sounds like a lot of relationships are about controling the other person.

If I can't sleep YES I do it,because my wife is knocked out and she works hard,so I am not going to wake her and I know once I do knock one out I will go to sleep plus it feel VERY VERY GOOD.
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Old 11-11-2012, 11:26 PM   #39 (permalink)
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Default Re: Masturbating in bed next to spouse

My wife loves to watch me go at it. She'd love it if I started jacking off in bed. I've done it a handful of times, and she was mesmerized. She's even done it once. She was super horny, I was dead tired, she tried to wake me, I didn't get up, and she went to town. I awoke to the delicious sounds of her fingering a super wet vagina. It's hot, end of story.

I am floored that anybody would find it offensive, or disgusting, that their partner was comfortable enough to masturbate next to them.

Last edited by jaquen; 11-11-2012 at 11:47 PM.
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Old 11-19-2012, 07:09 PM   #40 (permalink)
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Default Re: Masturbating in bed next to spouse

What is the big deal on masturbation. I am HD wife is LD been married 17 years together 21. W works hard (10-12 hour days) and is usually asleep by 9. She has her Magic Wand, I have my hand and p0rn. She is not usually interested weeknights, so I take care of it myself. I usually go off to the basement, but since we got our Tempurpedic twin Xl beds, I will not shake her awake. We have never restricted each others self pleasure. I could see it as a problem if you chose it over your partner. How cruel to say no to sex and no to masturbation. I would be out the door.
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Old 11-19-2012, 07:28 PM   #41 (permalink)
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My wife loves to watch me go at it. She'd love it if I started jacking off in bed. I've done it a handful of times, and she was mesmerized. She's even done it once. She was super horny, I was dead tired, she tried to wake me, I didn't get up, and she went to town. I awoke to the delicious sounds of her fingering a super wet vagina. It's hot, end of story.

I am floored that anybody would find it offensive, or disgusting, that their partner was comfortable enough to masturbate next to them.
I read it as people find it bad if the doer is doing it but isn't having a good sex life with them.

Anyway that was my situation with the ex. Sexless marriage but he would sometimes DIY thinking I was asleep, Yeah that is bad and only compounds problems in a bad marriage.

There is nothing offensive about the act of masturbation. I love it, SO loves it. He can do whatever he wants with his body but we also have a lot of sex together. He knows I am happy for him to wake me for sex at 3 am but if he just wanted to knock one out next to me that would be fine too. If I woke up I would either watch or join in.
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Old 11-19-2012, 10:23 PM   #42 (permalink)
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StargateFan-Unfortunately I think a lot of people on here think they own their partner and want to force them to do and behave the way they want and not accept them for who they are.
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Old 11-19-2012, 11:58 PM   #43 (permalink)
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There are several reasons why some people are doing it.
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Old 11-20-2012, 11:00 AM   #44 (permalink)
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Default Re: Masturbating in bed next to spouse

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StargateFan-Unfortunately I think a lot of people on here think they own their partner and want to force them to do and behave the way they want and not accept them for who they are.
If you think so, you should do a lot more reading on here. That is not a commonly supported mentality on this board.
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Old 11-20-2012, 05:39 PM   #45 (permalink)
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I do it sometimes its about as close to sex as I get being in a sexless marriage. She pretty much sleeps right through it.
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