Thanks for the additional input!
Sisters359 - thanks for all the comments. I admit I could be wrong but I doubt that she's faking when she does O. there are times when she doesn't climax and she has no problems being open with it. There was one time she did fake it and I called her out on it (in a nice way) and we had a good laugh and she agreed it was silly and it wouldn't help improve our sex life if she was faking it. That was a couple of years ago. She really doesn't have a problem talking to me about not getting satisfied if it's becoming an issue.
I'm not considering cheating. I just worry that if by chance a situation ever did come up I might not have the will to resist. I try to keep myself out of those situations pretty much 100%. I don't go to bars, get drunk at random parties anymore, etc and just don't create scenarios where opportunities might arise. Hope that makes sense!
I really don't just pick up things around the house to get sex. I do that and make the contributions to the household, family and relationship that I think I should be making. The house needs to be cleaned, the kids need to be bathed and fed and I think it's only fair to share in those responsibilities. I want to contribute in those ways because (I think) it makes her happy to have less to do and I think if all I did was come home, sit on the couch and wait for a hot meal and expect her to clean up and take care of everything she wouldn't be as happy and probably would grow to be resentful. Being a man I have very simple needs to make me happy - the fact is sex is one of the prime things. That shows me that she loves me and gives me comfort and confidence that our relationship is good. It just makes me happy and makes me feel close to her. So when we don't have sex for an extended period (i.e. a week without) I start to feel distant and less close. I don't mean to sound selfish but I guess when I start to feel that distance and I'm not feeling as happy it de-motivates me to put forth a lot of extended effort into some of the household things. In my head I think that I'm happy to do those things but why should I put forth the effort for hours and hours everyday into all these little things when she knows I'm dying for sex and it would take her 10 minutes to make me happy but she can't be bothered?
I really like your idea of seeing if she would be willing to do some exploration without intercourse to get her more comfortable. That probably would be a good step to take if she's willing.
I gave up a long time ago trying to make a compromise like 3x a week. We've had those discussions before and you're exactly right, they just sow resentment.
Justean - thanks for your notes. You know after 11 years I doubt there will be any change. I've always wanted a lot more sex then she does and maybe as I get older my drive will slow down a bit and we'll finally be matched up. (I do wonder if there might be a funny/cruel irony that when I get older and my sex drive slows down she'll become a little nympho
) Mostly I just have to accept things the way they are I just wish there was a way to make me more happy. She is (or says she is) satisfied very much with our sex life and doesn't see a problem. And it could be a LOT worse. She tells me about a few of her girlfriends who haven't had sex with their H's in months! Maybe I just need to keep a perspective on that and be happy with what I got.