Curvy and confused... Need male opinions please
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Sex in Marriage Sexual problems are common in many relationships. This section is for discussions about sexuality. Please limit discussions to those asking for help with a problem and those offering advice. Any other threads may be deleted.

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Old 12-02-2012, 05:01 AM   #1 (permalink)
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Default Curvy and confused... Need male opinions please

I have something I wish to ' put out there' for feedback and insight. I'm interested in the men's opinions but feel free to chime in whatever your gender!
Ok- so when I first met my hubby I was very curvy , the biggest I've ever been. We had a great time, he loved me in all my ' glory' and of course being new the sex was great!
I have lost and gained and lost etc about 20 kilos ( yoyo dieter!) off and on over the last few years. So my size and shape tends to change. At this point I am heading back to the very curvy size and thinking its time to try to get a grip!
My question- my hubby says he's still attracted to me, and sometimes we have hot and heavy ( haha!) sex. But I feel ashamed of my body and its largesse at this point in time. I struggle with the images of perfection and youth he looks at on the Internet ( porn)
Is it possible for a man to be attracted to Both plus size ladies and slim firm young things as well? Or is he just too polite to tell me he prefers slimmer women? I love him deeply, but struggle to get my eating under control!
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Old 12-02-2012, 05:45 AM   #2 (permalink)
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Default Re: Curvy and confused... Need male opinions please

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Is it possible for a man to be attracted to Both plus size ladies and slim firm young things as well?
Yes if he loves you.

Anyways your husband doesn't seem to have a problem, you shouldn't either. Why do women keep putting themselves down for no reason
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Old 12-02-2012, 08:24 AM   #3 (permalink)
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Default Re: Curvy and confused... Need male opinions please

Everyone wants a partner who respects themself. A huge part of self respect is taking care of your body. Nobody's attracted to a fat slob, and being fat is a choice. It's nice he loves you and is too smart to be totally honest and to tell you how he really feels, but I have no problem being blunt since I don't know you. Nobody force feeds you crappy food. Review health class if you need to (books, WomensHealth or similar reputable mag and website, expert nutrition and trainer consults, etc).

On the other hand, be aware that the problem with improving too much is that it will make your partner insecure. That happens frequently... one partner improves and the other remains stagnant (in terms of physical, maturity, sexual, financial, etc etc improvement). That often leads to some insecurity and crazy behavior by the lesser partner... or the stronger improved partner leaving because they need better.

Is he fat or sloppy (in providing, parenting, emotions, etc)? If he is, then be careful not to outgrow your partner... that will increase his insecurity and could be counterproductive. You need to grow together at a similar pace. GL
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Old 12-02-2012, 08:44 AM   #4 (permalink)
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Default Re: Curvy and confused... Need male opinions please

Quote:
Originally Posted by Dulciean View Post
I have something I wish to ' put out there' for feedback and insight. I'm interested in the men's opinions but feel free to chime in whatever your gender!
Ok- so when I first met my hubby I was very curvy , the biggest I've ever been. We had a great time, he loved me in all my ' glory' and of course being new the sex was great!
I have lost and gained and lost etc about 20 kilos ( yoyo dieter!) off and on over the last few years. So my size and shape tends to change. At this point I am heading back to the very curvy size and thinking its time to try to get a grip!
My question- my hubby says he's still attracted to me, and sometimes we have hot and heavy ( haha!) sex. But I feel ashamed of my body and its largesse at this point in time. I struggle with the images of perfection and youth he looks at on the Internet ( porn)
Is it possible for a man to be attracted to Both plus size ladies and slim firm young things as well? Or is he just too polite to tell me he prefers slimmer women? I love him deeply, but struggle to get my eating under control!
From my single days I can tell you the perfect woman was the one I was holding in my arms.....I was attracted to all sizes and body types, and found all the women I dated to be attractive...I am 5'8" and was head over heels for a 6' stunner...

When I finally settled down, I had to decide between a 48 kilo, and a 90 kilo beauty....It was a hard decision...

If you make any changes, do it because it makes you happy....
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Old 12-02-2012, 08:47 AM   #5 (permalink)
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Default Re: Curvy and confused... Need male opinions please

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Originally Posted by RandomDude View Post
Yes if he loves you.

Anyways your husband doesn't seem to have a problem, you shouldn't either. Why do women keep putting themselves down for no reason
Quote:
Originally Posted by LearninAsWeGo View Post
Everyone wants a partner who respects themself. A huge part of self respect is taking care of your body. Nobody's attracted to a fat slob, and being fat is a choice. It's nice he loves you and is too smart to be totally honest and to tell you how he really feels, but I have no problem being blunt since I don't know you. Nobody force feeds you crappy food. Review health class if you need to (books, WomensHealth or similar reputable mag and website, expert nutrition and trainer consults, etc).

On the other hand, be aware that the problem with improving too much is that it will make your partner insecure. That happens frequently... one partner improves and the other remains stagnant (in terms of physical, maturity, sexual, financial, etc etc improvement). That often leads to some insecurity and crazy behavior by the lesser partner... or the stronger improved partner leaving because they need better.

Is he fat or sloppy (in providing, parenting, emotions, etc)? If he is, then be careful not to outgrow your partner... that will increase his insecurity and could be counterproductive. You need to grow together at a similar pace. GL

I agree with what I have highlighted in bold font. I think, if you love him and he loves you, you will work together and try to make a game of it. Having fun and enjoying working together toward a goal can improve all aspects of your marriage as well as both partner's self esteem.

Can a man be attracted to both physiques? I was. My first wife was all of 5'1" and weighed around 110 lbs. My second wife was 5' 7" and weighed somewhere in the 200 lbs. or better range, if my estimation is correct. That wasn't an issue for me. My attraction waned because she was showing me she didn't want to be with me by not touching me in a loving, non sexual way.
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Old 12-02-2012, 09:43 AM   #6 (permalink)
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Default Re: Curvy and confused... Need male opinions please

My younger, single, brother moved into my house just over a year ago, after living the rest of our lives pretty much completely out of touch since high school. And it has been interesting seeing the women he dates - he tends to be looking for long term but there is usually all sorts of drama, but physically speaking the girls he goes with are all over the place, short, tall, fat, skinny, ugly (in my view), pretty (in my view) he likes them all especially when they respect and admire him.
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Old 12-02-2012, 10:47 AM   #7 (permalink)
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Default Re: Curvy and confused... Need male opinions please

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Originally Posted by Dulciean View Post
Is it possible for a man to be attracted to Both plus size ladies and slim firm young things as well?
Absolutely
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Old 12-02-2012, 10:52 AM   #8 (permalink)
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Default Re: Curvy and confused... Need male opinions please

Men are attracted to a litany of body shapes & sizes. My wife's weight yo-yoed during and following the 2 pregnancies & my sexual desire for her never waned a bit. She always turned me on.

Sure, my jerkin off mood swings from thin to BBW to lesbos to solo masturbation clips. The full spectrum.

If he's enjoying you for what you are at that time, go with it. It's legit.
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Old 12-02-2012, 12:25 PM   #9 (permalink)
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Default Re: Curvy and confused... Need male opinions please

While my husband prefers me thin 20-30 pounds doesn't seem to bother him all that much. It bothers me more than it does him. He wasn't bothered when I gained 50 pounds with each of our 3 kids either.
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Old 12-02-2012, 12:44 PM   #10 (permalink)
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Default Re: Curvy and confused... Need male opinions please

Can a man be attracted to both body types?Of course!When I married my wife she weighed about 400 pounds.She had surgery and know weighs about 190.I find her equally attractive at both weights.I have have always found slim women attractive as well.My perception of what an attractive woman is very broad.She can be slim,thin,thick,moderately thick,fat,plus size,whatever.Why be so insecure?
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Old 12-02-2012, 12:51 PM   #11 (permalink)
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Default Re: Curvy and confused... Need male opinions please

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Originally Posted by Dulciean View Post
Is it possible for a man to be attracted to Both plus size ladies and slim firm young things as well? Or is he just too polite to tell me he prefers slimmer women? I love him deeply, but struggle to get my eating under control!
Of course. Depends on the woman, and her shape.

But you're also making the biggest mistake many women make on this topic. You're confusing the purely lustful way your husband looks at an "actress" in porn, with how he views you. Those two points of attraction don't often converge.

Would your husband necessarily seek out porn featuring a woman who looks like you? Nope. Most people wouldn't. The Halle Berry and Brad Pitt's of the world aren't drooled over because they look like most people's SO and spouses. There is a stark difference between fantasy and reality, and most people understand that. Your attraction to the person you love runs so much deeper than the surface, and that is what enables someone to love a person through expanding waistlines, sagging, aging, and other changes.

If you suspect that your husband however is becoming less attracted to you with weight gain, then just ask. I'm not going to lie to you and tell you that all men are fine with copious weigh gain, because that would be a flat out lie. But If he seems sincere that he is still attracted, and still seems excited to sleep with you, than take the man at his word.

People who suffer with body image issues, like you, often assume that their own disgust with their bodies translates to those around them. Try not to do that, because you could be very wrong.
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Old 12-02-2012, 01:00 PM   #12 (permalink)
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Default Re: Curvy and confused... Need male opinions please

my wife is overweight, and was overweight when we married..since she has gained about 15-20 lbs..it does
bother me somewhat because I keep myself in shape, always have..I get depressed when I workout
less than four times a week...usually I do some form of eitherweight lifting, running, or martial arts
everyday...my wife on the other hand does zero..she tries somethin for a week..then when she
sees no results she quits for months...the biggest problem I have with her being out of shape is
her insecurities that come along with it...if she wasnt so insecure then the weight wouldnt be that
much of an issue..she is pretty, but she doesnt see it..

Another good thing about slightly heavier chics is ur guaranteed a fine sized booty, which is a huge
turn on for me..I prefer a thinner waist though..
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Old 12-02-2012, 01:34 PM   #13 (permalink)
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Default Re: Curvy and confused... Need male opinions please

Yes there are guys that are attracted to both curvy and slim. I'm one of them.

Any woman over anorexic and less that morbid obese turns me on.
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Old 12-02-2012, 04:30 PM   #14 (permalink)
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Default Re: Curvy and confused... Need male opinions please

My wife is likely 70 LBs more than when I married her. She turns me on just as much now as then. I love curvy and I love really petite with no boobs and everything in between. Morbidly obese does nothing for me.
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Old 12-02-2012, 04:40 PM   #15 (permalink)
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Default Re: Curvy and confused... Need male opinions please

Men are attracted, as confirmed by studies, to a certain ratio between hips and waist. Confusing as it may be for the ladies, being a little chubby or more chubby doesn't actually have that much effect on attractiveness.

Plus, don't forget that some very good looking women are just unexciting and awful lovers. If he is not complaining then you really don't have a problem there!
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