Hello Ina, i'm on the same page with you re: a sexual re-awakening from those 50 Shades books, which I absolutely loved and read the first two again after finishing the 3rd. I loved the sex in those books and I loved the love story. Those books made me want more from my sex life. I went from indifferent to wanting hot sex. Like you, I probably orgasm (from clitoral stimulation only) less than 20% of the time. I never really cared. Now I do care and want more orgasms. OK - I don't have to go 1 for 1 with my husband, but 50% would be an improvement.
As far as all the years gone by that I didn't show an inclination for sex and now I'm interested, I never turned my husband down (we have sex 2-3X/week) and I did initiate maybe 1/3 of the time.
Now I'm initiating more. A few days ago, when I was kissing my husband, then rubbed his balls and started giving him a hand job, after a while I got no response from him. He didn't touch me or kiss me back but just laid there while I did my thing. After about 10 minutes I stopped.
I realized then and there that this is what I've been like for decades. ALthough I would reciprocate many times. Many more times I didn't and that is what it feels like to have a partner not into sex.
My husband usually isn't like that though and usually wants sex. I have come to the same feeling as you that my husband really isn't a great lover. He's got a lot to learn about oral sex, which I can come, but it's usually frustrating getting there.
These are the steps I have taken to try to turn things around for me.
I continued reading more books like those and have discovered Cherise Sinclair. They continuously keep me horny and wanting better sex.
I bought the bought Fifty Shades of Pleasure (on my Kindle) and read it and asked my husband to read, which he hasn't.
I've bought other books, like how to give a better blow job and hot tips in bed. My husband knows I have these books. I figured if I'm willing to learn how to give a better BJ, he can learn new things too. He said I didn't need that BJ book because he can't imagine feeling any better. yahoo for me. what about me now? but it's a segway into him hopefully reading books.
Back in May I told him I wanted to try anal sex, which I discovered I really like. I don't have any orgasms from it, but I think it feels really good.
Like you, I didn't care how long sex lasted (he has premature ejaculation) because I never cared. Now I'd like us to deal with this problem.
I also need to deal with the fact that my orgasms don't seem to matter. Or not that they don't matter but that he orgasm's 80% more than me and I want to approach some equality here.
A few months ago, I told my husband that I wanted to get a vibrator to use on me while we have sex. I never did that, but maybe I will, although with the premature ejaculation problem, I'll need more than a few seconds to a few minutes to reach an orgasm.
Starting about 2 years ago, we've gone to a couples only hotel about once/year (difficult when you have 3 young kids). The place is made for sex - fireplace, hot tubs, pool, porn on TV. So it's a weekend of all sex all the time. Maybe that a good place to start. I was still low drive when we went for the first time, but planned the whole weekend. Looking back now, I remember I didn't orgasm once - I think I was just happy to be away and be together. My husband tried, but I couldn't come (he's way too rough on my clitoris sometimes that I just go numb - I need to speak up more). At the time, it didn't bother me at all. In retrospect, I can't believe he probably orgasmed over a dozen times in 2 days and I didn't. But, my point is, it's a great kind of vacation where all you're focusing on is sex.
One time, he stuck his finger in my behind while having regular sex, and that was probably the best it felt. I told him this - not sure why he won't do it again. As part of my new boldness and confidence plan (in my head only at this time), I'm going to tell him that I want that more.
I've learned a lot here, and one main thing I learned is that if your husband isn't pleasing you, then it's our own fault for not speaking up and asking for more.
I'm real real shy about speaking up, but I have something like this planned out to say, "I'd like us to experiment with new ways of you touching me with your finger and tongue and maybe some toys..." I'll see how that goes, since other small comments from me have fallen on deaf ears, but I have learned here that that is not an excuse not to push the matter.
It seems like your husband still wants to have sex with you, and now that you want to have sex with him, then there must be a way to turn this into a sexually fulfilling situation. The potential must be there, and it seems like it will be so darn rewarding if we can turn our husbands into a great lovers.
Now wouldn't that be a great thread from you or me to write one day. how we did it and how awesome it is now.
Last edited by IsGirl3; 12-03-2012 at 12:30 PM.