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Navigation »Talk About Marriage »Focused Topics »Sex in Marriage » Wife and I haven't had sex in eight years

Sex in Marriage Sexual problems are common in many relationships. This section is for discussions about sexuality. Please limit discussions to those asking for help with a problem and those offering advice. Any other threads may be deleted.

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Old 12-06-2012, 01:35 PM   #31 (permalink)
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Default Re: Wife and I haven't had sex in eight years

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What do you mean when you say "She started to mother me"?
Ever go to your Garndmothers house and she asks you if you want something to eat, then asks if you want cheese on your sandwich, this kind or that? Want it cut? which way, want something to drink? Soda? in a glass?

Me thinking to myself I WILL MAKE THE @#$%^ THING MYSELF!

She would pick up after me all the time. I dont mean I am a slob, I would be working on something in the house, I would go get a drink and come back and my tools would be put away. Honestly, you would have to know her to understand her and you are looking at this blind without you knowing her.

She is the sweetest, kindest woman you could ever meet.
She is an amazing wife and I don't want to leave her. I love her very much and couldnt think of what I would do without her other than having sex. I wouldnt want to trade leaving her to have sex. I dont know if its worth it.
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Old 12-06-2012, 01:38 PM   #32 (permalink)
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Wow, I never really hear of other women agreeing their husbands sleeping with other women to be okay whether escort or not. However, going 8 years without sex is not okay either unless both parties are that LD and agree upon it. There are other things your wife could have done to relieve you in place of the prostitute. Maybe you discussed this and it didn't work. I don't have any advice, but if my husband ever has a PA/EA for whatever reason, I'm outta here in a flash. I'm not okay with infidelity. I think it's the biggest betrayal in a marriage.

I would find it very hard not wanting to please my husband(unless I'm sick). Not only with sex, but in all ways possible. I would imagine your marriage is over or going to be over in the future. You are living as roommates, not husband and wife. Good luck.
Again, You have this "OMG you ****ed someone else" stuck in your head. Get that out of your head. Most would leave but this was in fact discussed because she didnt want to fill that role.

Judging by your handle here I dont think you know what being in love is. She loves me so much that she is willing to try anything. We did try. She asked me to stop and i love her so much I did stop.
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Old 12-06-2012, 01:43 PM   #33 (permalink)
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Default Re: Wife and I haven't had sex in eight years

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Did she ever went to a doctor and discussed it with him?
The last few posts I wrote the answer was yes.
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Old 12-06-2012, 01:45 PM   #34 (permalink)
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Default Re: Wife and I haven't had sex in eight years

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Ever go to your Garndmothers house and she asks you if you want something to eat, then asks if you want cheese on your sandwich, this kind or that? Want it cut? which way, want something to drink? Soda? in a glass?

Me thinking to myself I WILL MAKE THE @#$%^ THING MYSELF!

She would pick up after me all the time. I dont mean I am a slob, I would be working on something in the house, I would go get a drink and come back and my tools would be put away. Honestly, you would have to know her to understand her and you are looking at this blind without you knowing her.

She is the sweetest, kindest woman you could ever meet.
She is an amazing wife and I don't want to leave her. I love her very much and couldnt think of what I would do without her other than having sex. I wouldnt want to trade leaving her to have sex. I dont know if its worth it.
I see. Have you considered the possibility that what actually happened is that she started relating to you in a mothering sort of way, using you as a substitute for having an actual baby and that resulted in her loss interest in you as a sex partner?

It's a bit of a stretch though, I would expect that you banging someone else would shake her out of that kind of thinking.
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Old 12-06-2012, 01:46 PM   #35 (permalink)
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Default Re: Wife and I haven't had sex in eight years

Sounds to me like you've already made up your mind. You will have a sexless life from now on because you refuse to leave your wife over this. She has demanded celibacy from you and you won't divorce her, so you now either live a life of celibacy, or you DO cheat on her.

Which is it going to be???
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Old 12-06-2012, 01:56 PM   #36 (permalink)
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Again, You have this "OMG you ****ed someone else" stuck in your head. Get that out of your head. Most would leave but this was in fact discussed because she didnt want to fill that role.

Judging by your handle here I dont think you know what being in love is. She loves me so much that she is willing to try anything. We did try. She asked me to stop and i love her so much I did stop.
Your really funny. I have a really good understanding what being in love is. My husband and I have been married almost 13 years and are extremely close, this includes a very healthy intimate relationship as well. We are not lacking in any areas, never have. I have health issues also and they don't stop me from pleasing my husband. My husband and I put each other first.
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Old 12-06-2012, 01:56 PM   #37 (permalink)
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Default Re: Wife and I haven't had sex in eight years

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Is it possible that her depression is rooted on the fact she cannot have children? If yes, how about adoption? Have you ever considered that path?
I can certainly imagine a scenario where your wife has fallen into depression over not having kids and knowing that the parts of her that could have provided that have been removed from her. Similar to the how some women view having a mastectomy as making them less of a woman. Sex may now be something that repels here, leaving the two of you with an emotional component as well as the physical.

I did not see any mention of it, but did the counseling touch on this? Also, was the hysterectomy related to not having children?
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Old 12-06-2012, 02:00 PM   #38 (permalink)
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Your really funny. I have a really good understanding what being in love is. My husband and I have been married almost 13 years and are extremely close, this includes a very healthy intimate relationship as well. We are not lacking in any areas, never have. I have health issues also and they don't stop me from pleasing my husband. My husband and I put each other first.
Bully for you
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Old 12-06-2012, 02:03 PM   #39 (permalink)
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I can certainly imagine a scenario where your wife has fallen into depression over not having kids and knowing that the parts of her that could have provided that have been removed from her. Similar to the how some women view having a mastectomy as making them less of a woman. Sex may now be something that repels here, leaving the two of you with an emotional component as well as the physical.

I did not see any mention of it, but did the counseling touch on this? Also, was the hysterectomy related to not having children?
It touched on everything. She just lost the desire and she cant explain it. It is painful for her. I know there are other ways but the lack of holding someone at night and the not sleeping with her and the no sex and the feeling like I am raping her when we do have sex is just a bit much.

I was just asking if anyone has ever had this sort of thing happen to them and what was the end result. Was it seperation? Did you seperate and then come back together
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Old 12-06-2012, 02:19 PM   #40 (permalink)
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Bully for you
You can't tell me I don't know what being in love is. Listen, your the one that said I didn't know what being in love is. I'm telling you your wrong. We don't go out and have sex outside our marriage consented or not. BTW, no need to respond, I'm not coming back to this thread.
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Old 12-06-2012, 02:23 PM   #41 (permalink)
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You can't tell me I don't know what being in love is. Listen, your the one that said I didn't know what being in love is. I'm telling you your wrong. We don't go out and have sex outside our marriage consented or not. BTW, no need to respond, I'm not coming back to this thread.
You are breaking my heart
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Old 12-06-2012, 02:35 PM   #42 (permalink)
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can she give you oral,hand job,anal,foot job, there are all kinds of sex you could be having.

are you or her oposed to theses activities? not perfect but in your situation if my wife would please me oraly or with her hands that would certinaly help bridge the gap so to speak.
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Old 12-06-2012, 02:38 PM   #43 (permalink)
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Did she actually go through with taking the pills and/or cream for hormone replacement? Maybe being depressed she didnt.

Just dont see how taking the proper hormones at the proper level wouldnt help.

My best advice? Go to another doctor explain what you have here, and ask if hormone therapy of the right dosage could make her have sexual feeling greater than that of a robot.
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Old 12-06-2012, 02:42 PM   #44 (permalink)
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I don't judge you for what you've done in the past to try to cope. I do think that what you're contemplating for the future is a mistake. In my mind there are only really 3 reasonable choices. Best choice is that your wife finds some way to be sexual. 2nd best choice is that you divorce. Last choice is that she continues to let you have a mistress. Perhaps a live-in mistress, poly thing. I guess my attitude is more of a 'put out or get out', 'use it or lose it' attitude.

Of course, we're only getting one side of the story. Your reaction to IILWMH on this thread shows a bit of your personality, so I do have to wonder how much of your wife's low drive has to do with that.
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Old 12-06-2012, 02:49 PM   #45 (permalink)
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I don't judge you for what you've done in the past to try to cope. I do think that what you're contemplating for the future is a mistake. In my mind there are only really 3 reasonable choices. Best choice is that your wife finds some way to be sexual. 2nd best choice is that you divorce. Last choice is that she continues to let you have a mistress. Perhaps a live-in mistress, poly thing. I guess my attitude is more of a 'put out or get out', 'use it or lose it' attitude.

Of course, we're only getting one side of the story. Your reaction to IILWMH on this thread shows a bit of your personality, so I do have to wonder how much of your wife's low drive has to do with that.
I am totaly different with people in real life.
I am amazed at people who but in on a thread only to tell me how much they are happy or dont read a post complete.

I am not here to be judged on what I did, what we did or what to do about it.
I am not asking if I should leave, stay or screw around on her.

I was asking if anyone was in this kind of situation and what happened. This I expressed over and over again in countless posts.

So again, have you been in this sort of situation or no?
No? Then honestly I have no idea why you are posting.

Has anyone? No, then I guess this is a useless thread and needs to be locked.
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