Wife and I haven't had sex in eight years
You heard it here first.
My wife had a hysterectomy around 9 years ago.
She would have sex with me once a week maybe but it was very painful for her so we cut down to once a month maybe. Then it just stopped.
I tried having sex with her afterwards but when I was getting off (You get bigger) and it seemed like I was raping her. I couldnt think about doing it again and she lost her sex drive anyway and seemed to me she acted like I would if I were asked to bake cookies. I can bake cookies, I would get it done but I would be thinking of something else to do while baking cookies.
I got extensive dental work done and started to snore which was keeping my wife awake. I slept on the sofa a lot so she could sleep the night. We didnt hold each other at night because the operation caused her to have hot flashes and therefore I couldnt hold her. (I heat up at night)
After a while I found myself buying a bed for our spare room and now that is where I sleep.
Four years after no sex I talked to her about it. She said that she wasn't interested in it any more and I started to desire wanting sex. I went on a business trip to Florida and found an escort and hired her for a couple hours in my hotel room. (No, it wasn't all that great) But, I had sex and I felt a weight off me and it was good to feel a woman again. I got home and told my wife, she said she wasnt surprised and said its ok. Its better than going without and she was ok with that. I could do it as needed.
Fast forward a bit I found a lover. FWB type thing. Yes, my wife was aware of it but as you know, it was hurting her. Emotions are what they are and I understood. A few months ago I stopped seeing her after speakinig with my wife. We tried to have sex again but it was worse than being with the hooker. She tried to have sex with me but I could tell she just wasnt into it. She said so afterwards and said she just lost the feelings for sex, not for me, but just for sexual desire.
Now my wife and I have been together for 22 years. I have always been open and honest with her in everything I do. We discussed me having a mistress, the whole deal. We are very much in love with each other and it hurts us because this may make us seperate. It hurts and I have no idea what to do.
She said if she could go back she would never have the operation. She blames herself and of course I tell her it is no ones fault. It just happened.
Well, she doesnt want to have sex, she doesnt want me to have sex and I want to. Either with her or someone else.
Remember, before you judge me and tell me I ****ed up. This was discussed and tried with a surrogate lover. So save the cheating rants.
I just need to know if this (no sex for a long time) happened to anyone else and what was the result.
Again, My wife and I love each other very much. We have never argued and we are best friends. Just more and more I feel like a room mate.
We are both 44 years old and no children.