I'm new. I was searching oline for suuport about my problem and I found this website and i think you guys can help.
I have been married to my husband for about 7.5 years. from the beginnig he has always made sex such a big issue. we can be find for a awhile but god forbid if we go without having sex for a week then there are hidden meanings behind it, or I don't find him attractive ot he thinks I'm interested in someon else. then he trys to make me feel bad and says I have a sexual disfunction, when I know deep down he has the issue. when the argument is over he appologizes for acting that way and then does it again.
thursday night I waited up for him and when he came into the bedroom I asked him to turn off the tv. He does then heads out the room. I told him I was waiting up for him, he said he felt like I was kicking him out of the room. He said he was coming back, then he proceeds to watch tv in the living room and then go shaves. what was that? Your wife is ready for you then you are not interested. then when he finally gets in bed he lays in the bed like a dead man for about a 1/2hr then approaches me. I told him I was waiting up for him then he says that I put him on a schedule then he gets out of the bed and gets mad and says were still going through this and that he does not want to fight but i's obvious that he is.
At this point I feel defeated and I have no energy and I am tired of playing the games.
I know he is very insecure and in a perfect world he wants me to be the innitiator all the time and when I do he feels like I am trying to do him a favor. what he does not understand we have a child and we go to work and I get tired and so does he but its my fault that he is not getting enough sex.
I don't know what to do and he is pushing me away.
Wow, after reading this, I had to read it again b/c I thought I might of written it. From my own experience, I might have a little insight for you.
It's obvious your husband is feeling insecure and that sex to him is how you prove your love to him. Maybe he feels like if the two of you aren't having sex, then you must not love him. That to him, sex MEANS love.
I can understand your not wanting to play these games any longer, have you discussed couples counseling with him? Do you think he'd be open to it? If nothing else you'd be able to get to the root of things.
But, you also need to take a look at yourself. Are you actually participating in the bedroom or just waiting for it all to be over so that you can go back to sleep? If that's the case, then your husband will easily sense that and feel rejected, even though you tell him you've been waiting for him.
Are you waiting around with anticipation or anxiety? He needs to FEEL that you want him, that he's desired. If b4 bed sex seems like too much of a hassle, when all you want to do is go to sleep, then shake things up a bit. Instead of waiting to do it right b4 sleep, head to the bedroom an hour or so b4 you'd normally go to sleep. Instead of watching t.v., use that t.v. time as reconnect time. Or if you both happen to have the same day off, have a morning or afternoon romp. These types of things can easily bring back some fire in your relationship. They're different from your normal routine and sometimes a little variety is all that's needed.