how do I tell him about my "friend"?
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Sex in Marriage Sexual problems are common in many relationships. This section is for discussions about sexuality. Please limit discussions to those asking for help with a problem and those offering advice. Any other threads may be deleted.

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Old 12-10-2012, 12:57 PM   #1 (permalink)
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Default how do I tell him about my "friend"?

Long story short a little over 2 years no sex, I knew I was to blame so I worked on getting my drive back. I didn't say anything to him about this. I spoke to my doctor, had a full work up stopped taking my meds due to side effects. Still nothing, so I bought myself a "friend" Hitachi magic wand to be exact well that plus a lot of hard work has done the trick! So Friday night I bit the bullet and threw myself out there. We had a great night, but now I feel I need to tell him about my friend... and I'm not sure how... I even bought an attachment for him.
Should I just ring it out during a romp or should I tell him about it?
HELP!!!!
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Old 12-10-2012, 12:59 PM   #2 (permalink)
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Default Re: how do I tell him about my "friend"?

Have you ever asked him what he thinks about toys?
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Old 12-10-2012, 01:00 PM   #3 (permalink)
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Default Re: how do I tell him about my "friend"?

The next time you (or he) initiates sex, just bring the toys with you! I'm sure he'll be all about it! H#ll, my hubs buys toys for us to use!
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Old 12-10-2012, 01:02 PM   #4 (permalink)
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Default Re: how do I tell him about my "friend"?

Toys...bring 'em!
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Old 12-10-2012, 01:11 PM   #5 (permalink)
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Default Re: how do I tell him about my "friend"?

Many years ago we had toys, I threw them out one night while I was pissed.
So I'm thinking it will be a happy surprise but I'm a little embarrassed but I'm hoping it will show how much I have put in to trying to save our marriage.
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Old 12-10-2012, 01:16 PM   #6 (permalink)
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Default Re: how do I tell him about my "friend"?

I like toys. In fact I bought that exact one for my wife. I would be fine if she used it on her own. She admitted that she tried it alone once, but really didn't get much out of it. She much prefers it when I'm the one controlling it.

That said, I'm not so sure I'd bring up the fact that you replaced him with a toy all while you were sexless with him. That would be pretty insulting. You've had sex one time after an absence of over 2 years. This is way too soon to throw that little tit-bit into his face.
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Old 12-10-2012, 01:17 PM   #7 (permalink)
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The next time you (or he) initiates sex, just bring the toys with you! I'm sure he'll be all about it! H#ll, my hubs buys toys for us to use!


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Old 12-10-2012, 01:34 PM   #8 (permalink)
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Default Re: how do I tell him about my "friend"?

COnsidering you had no sex for two years (from what i recall from your other thread) and only just now are starting to have sex again, bringing in the toys might be a bit much, a bit fast. Enjoy a few weeks of regular sex first before planning on heading further.
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Old 12-10-2012, 01:41 PM   #9 (permalink)
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Default Re: how do I tell him about my "friend"?

yes true I had no sex for 2 years and just the past maybe 3 months started working on myself.... I only got the toy 2 weeks ago when I wasn't getting anywhere by myself... I want to be close to him. I dont want to jump right in with the toy but I also dont want to hide it from him either... I also don't want to go back to how things were and I know I have a lot of control over that, since I'm the one who put us there to begin with.
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Old 12-10-2012, 01:50 PM   #10 (permalink)
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Default Re: how do I tell him about my "friend"?

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Originally Posted by WorkingOnMe View Post
replaced him with a toy all while you were sexless with him. That would be pretty insulting.
I didn't replace him during that time i had no drive at all. I finally spoke to my doctor about it. I started off with just being mad so with holding, but then I just kinda forgot about it.... no urge was there. So after lots of testing and counseling. This is where I am.


Buying that for myself was way out of my comfort zone so was using it alone, I feel guilty. ( I was raised that you do NOT do that and sex is only for procreating. Thus is why I needed the counseling!) However I feel it also helped bring things back.

And it wasn't only one time this weekend
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Old 12-10-2012, 01:57 PM   #11 (permalink)
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And it wasn't only one time this weekend


Love that! haha
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Old 12-10-2012, 02:07 PM   #12 (permalink)
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Default Re: how do I tell him about my "friend"?

OP,

Does your hubs know about everthing else you did to get your drive back?

If so, at some point tell him that you did buy the toy and as part of your continued "recovery" you'd love to have him use it with you

For rihjt now though, leave the toy out of it and concentrate re-connecting with him alone on a physical level for the next few weeks
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Old 12-10-2012, 02:07 PM   #13 (permalink)
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Default Re: how do I tell him about my "friend"?

I'm not sure that he is aware of how hard I worked on improving myself to get to where I am now... and I want him to know, but I don't want him to think I'm looking for something in return.
I can't imagine he thinks I just flipped a switch and bam all is OK. Then again you never know.
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Old 12-10-2012, 02:09 PM   #14 (permalink)
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Default Re: how do I tell him about my "friend"?

Quote:
Originally Posted by allworx View Post
Long story short a little over 2 years no sex, I knew I was to blame so I worked on getting my drive back. I didn't say anything to him about this. I spoke to my doctor, had a full work up stopped taking my meds due to side effects. Still nothing, so I bought myself a "friend" Hitachi magic wand to be exact well that plus a lot of hard work has done the trick! So Friday night I bit the bullet and threw myself out there. We had a great night, but now I feel I need to tell him about my friend... and I'm not sure how... I even bought an attachment for him.
Should I just ring it out during a romp or should I tell him about it?
HELP!!!!
Wow.. you are something else. Good for you for doing what is needed to get back on track!!!
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Old 12-10-2012, 02:09 PM   #15 (permalink)
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Default Re: how do I tell him about my "friend"?

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OP,

Does your hubs know about everthing else you did to get your drive back?

If so, at some point tell him that you did buy the toy and as part of your continued "recovery" you'd love to have him use it with you

For rihjt now though, leave the toy out of it and concentrate re-connecting with him alone on a physical level for the next few weeks
No we have never spoke of it. I knew I was losing him and this marriage so I knew I had to do something.
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