Wife doesn't like anal I do!
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Sex in Marriage Sexual problems are common in many relationships. This section is for discussions about sexuality. Please limit discussions to those asking for help with a problem and those offering advice. Any other threads may be deleted.

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Old 12-15-2012, 10:54 AM   #1 (permalink)
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Default Wife doesn't like anal I do!

Hi Chris here, I have been with my wife three years. She has known I love anal sex sense we have been dating. Now were married thow she doesn't want to do it anymore. She claims it hurts however during sex she will ask me to finger her anal witch is pretty rough. I love it but she seems to have cut me off. I have tried to discuss it with her but she says we we will do it eventually and we never do. Any help epically female would be appreciated.
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Old 12-15-2012, 10:57 AM   #2 (permalink)
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Default Re: Wife doesn't like anal I do!

She is being honest with you. It hurts her, she doesn't want to do it. But as long as your having great sex other wise...enjoy.
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Old 12-15-2012, 11:02 AM   #3 (permalink)
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Hi Chris here, I have been with my wife three years. She has known I love anal sex sense we have been dating. Now were married thow she doesn't want to do it anymore. She claims it hurts however during sex she will ask me to finger her anal witch is pretty rough. I love it but she seems to have cut me off. I have tried to discuss it with her but she says we we will do it eventually and we never do. Any help epically female would be appreciated.
Hey...maybe it does hurt her and you just get over it?
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Old 12-15-2012, 11:04 AM   #4 (permalink)
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Bait and switch, but what can you do? Nothing. Any pressure and you'll look like a jerk.
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Old 12-15-2012, 11:04 AM   #5 (permalink)
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Default Re: Wife doesn't like anal I do!

OK if it really hurts her then why was she ok with it three years prior and now that were married she says no?
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Old 12-15-2012, 11:05 AM   #6 (permalink)
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Default Re: Wife doesn't like anal I do!

that sounds actually like a reasonable answer, bait and switch!
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Old 12-15-2012, 11:10 AM   #7 (permalink)
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Default Re: Wife doesn't like anal I do!

She has told you she doesn't want to do it, and why. What more do you need? Bear in mind that anal is dangerous - damage the rectal lining and potentially fatal infection can set in. Even if you don't do that, stretching the anus can lead to a range of unpleasant smelling and deeply embaressing health issues.

Best you can do? Tell her you love her, and leave her anus alone. Give her backside the occasional affectionate pat by all means, but just get over it. Her butt isn't designed for sex anyway. In the long run, you'll both be happier and healthier.
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Old 12-15-2012, 11:14 AM   #8 (permalink)
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OK if it really hurts her then why was she ok with it three years prior and now that were married she says no?
Three years ago my back could take a lot more than it can today. I'd be real pissed if I asked my SO to pick up something heavy and he said, "Three years ago you could lift it so you can do it now"
He would come off as a very uncaring person to say something like that.

I like lots of ass play but a penis up there of any size hurts profusely. I've tried everything a girl can to make it more comfortable for me but its consistently painful.

Maybe your wife doesn't derive pleasure from pain. Maybe she liked anal before or hated it and tolerated it for you but now it hurts to much to bear.

Maybe the question you should be asking us is " Why do I feel the need to physically hurt my wife for my own pleasure?"
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Old 12-15-2012, 11:18 AM   #9 (permalink)
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Default Re: Wife doesn't like anal I do!

Woman's perspective.

If proper care and time is taken... it might have been enjoyable in the past. Since then, good possibility you didn't use enough lube, didn't spend enough time warming her up, she was too tense, and thus the "trust" is gone.

How often in the past? Once or twice, so she "tried" it, didn't like it?
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Old 12-15-2012, 11:23 AM   #10 (permalink)
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Default Re: Wife doesn't like anal I do!

All replies are appreciated, but I dont feel the need to hurt my wife when we do do it she doesn't complain of pain. I think personally its a control device because she knows I love it.
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Old 12-15-2012, 12:10 PM   #11 (permalink)
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Default Re: Wife doesn't like anal I do!

Does it seem like she is less aroused during sex than she was before?

I think women are generally more receptive to anal when they are very aroused and not otherwise.

How is the sex life otherwise? Has sex declined in frequency or quality since you got married?
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Old 12-15-2012, 12:27 PM   #12 (permalink)
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Default Re: Wife doesn't like anal I do!

Now anal is not my thing, so maybe this advice comes easy....but I'd drop it. Yeah, it sounds like the old "bait and switch", which would pizz me off, but how important is this one aspect if everything else is fine?

It can be painful for some women, and likely even for most women if it's not done right. Personally if she's not getting a great deal of pleasure from it (either from satisfaction from doing for you, or her own physical pleasure), then I'd not want to do it. I liken it to blowjobs....there's not much physical pleasure in it for her, but she seems to genuinely enjoy doing it, so "I'm good". If she were to treat it like a chore and complain that she doesn't like it, well, I'm not going to be pursuing it from her. If she stops enjoying giving that to me though, that may point to bigger relationship issues.

Now if she starts the bait and switch with all things sexual, then I'd have a serious problem with it.
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Old 12-15-2012, 12:57 PM   #13 (permalink)
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Default Re: Wife doesn't like anal I do!

Quote:
Originally Posted by acertriplex View Post
that sounds actually like a reasonable answer, bait and switch!
Yep it's bait and switch because. You know that your wife is a horrible, selfish person who would do something like that.. she was just out to trap you, use you. Yep, that's the answer.
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Old 12-15-2012, 12:58 PM   #14 (permalink)
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Default Re: Wife doesn't like anal I do!

So...I like anal play a lot. And my wife used to love it and now as her sex drive has lessened (separate issue) she doesn't. Time, kids, just natural changes make us all different people than when we started our relationships. I don't think it is "bait and switch", but her feelings have clearly changed. You may need to get used to that. This is a tough one, versus something like oral. There can be pain involved and some women get more self-conscious over time.
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Old 12-15-2012, 01:02 PM   #15 (permalink)
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Default Re: Wife doesn't like anal I do!

It hurts her. Have you have something up your butt and then thrusted it in and out and been torn and sore for days after? Ya. Try it and then see how you feel.

And after kids, women sometimes get hemmoroids. Those and anal DO NOT MIX.

I just get irritated by men who think anal sex is a demand. They don't try it, but it's just something that should be done. It's a woman's butthole. If you like anal so much, go get some.
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