husbands fetish is ruining our marriage.
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Navigation »Talk About Marriage »Focused Topics »Sex in Marriage » husbands fetish is ruining our marriage.

Sex in Marriage Sexual problems are common in many relationships. This section is for discussions about sexuality. Please limit discussions to those asking for help with a problem and those offering advice. Any other threads may be deleted.

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Old 12-25-2012, 09:53 PM   #1 (permalink)
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Default husbands fetish is ruining our marriage.

ok, first of all i am 28 my husband is 31. We have been married for a year.
My husband has a pantyhose fetish. No big deal, could be worse right? I use to wear them for him with no hesitation. Until they HAD to be involved for him to want to have sex, or even seem interested in it. I finally got frustrated and told him I didnt want to wear them anymore because he would pay more attention to them while we were having sex then me. Like making sure they were straight and he could see the shine just right in the light. That was a big thing for him. Or he had to be wearing them. yes he would wear them as well. Which is where a lot of the problem comes from. He wears them everyday. He tries to hide it from me but he's not very successful with it. He will lock himself in the bathroom for hours at a time taking pictures of himself in them. I've caught him wearing my stuff, like shoes, panties and bras a bunch of times. He promised he wouldnt touch my things anymore but I still catch him with my stuff.
I still will wear them for him every once in a great while. Mainly just to shut him up & well girls have needs too but he knows how much I hate them because what they have done to our marriage. They are the main reason for 98% of our fights.
So what I guess i'm trying to ask is_
He knows I dont like them, if i'm wearing them or him. Should he respect that and not ask me to?
Now i'm not saying HE has to stop wearing them. I understand a fetish doesnt just go away. But I just want it to not interfere with us & our time.
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Old 12-25-2012, 10:35 PM   #2 (permalink)
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Default Re: husbands fetish is ruining our marriage.

Strike up a non-confrontational talk and say something like,you know a lot of people would not go along with this,BUT I am as long as we only do it two times a month [decide on a number of days]on on the times yoiu agree on let him go carzy showing you his stuff and you playing into it and then say to him if we can't have it that way then I am not doing it and good luck on finding somebody else that is into it.

I think you also need to educate yourself on transvestites,I know there is plenty of info,look for a Dan Savage colum.

You are right its not just going to go away so set some guidelines.
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Old 12-25-2012, 11:59 PM   #3 (permalink)
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Default Re: husbands fetish is ruining our marriage.

Pantyhose? pathetic. Garters and stockings are way hotter!
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Old 12-26-2012, 02:10 AM   #4 (permalink)
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I am not into cross dressing at all but I have read too many times that the majority of men who are into it are straight and just like women's clothes.Once again before you start going with the homosexual/ BI thing educate yourself.
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Old 12-26-2012, 03:23 AM   #5 (permalink)
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From what you have described it may be that your husband has an obsession that he is having difficulty controlling. It might require professional help. The two of you trying to deal with this may not be sufficient.
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Old 12-26-2012, 04:27 AM   #6 (permalink)
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Default Re: husbands fetish is ruining our marriage.

Invent a fetish of your own and present it as a big secret you've been keeping. Make it in par with his fetish such as having him dressio like a sailor the. Insist he do the same thing - after a few times come in dressed as a sailor too and start insisting he press the pants etc and if he doesn't, have a bossy fit. Then he can see what it is like...
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Old 12-26-2012, 07:24 AM   #7 (permalink)
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Default Re: husbands fetish is ruining our marriage.

Quote:
Originally Posted by ph hater View Post
ok, first of all i am 28 my husband is 31. We have been married for a year.
My husband has a pantyhose fetish. No big deal, could be worse right? I use to wear them for him with no hesitation. Until they HAD to be involved for him to want to have sex, or even seem interested in it. I finally got frustrated and told him I didnt want to wear them anymore because he would pay more attention to them while we were having sex then me. Like making sure they were straight and he could see the shine just right in the light. That was a big thing for him. Or he had to be wearing them. yes he would wear them as well. Which is where a lot of the problem comes from. He wears them everyday. He tries to hide it from me but he's not very successful with it. He will lock himself in the bathroom for hours at a time taking pictures of himself in them. I've caught him wearing my stuff, like shoes, panties and bras a bunch of times. He promised he wouldnt touch my things anymore but I still catch him with my stuff.
I still will wear them for him every once in a great while. Mainly just to shut him up & well girls have needs too but he knows how much I hate them because what they have done to our marriage. They are the main reason for 98% of our fights.
So what I guess i'm trying to ask is_
He knows I dont like them, if i'm wearing them or him. Should he respect that and not ask me to?
Now i'm not saying HE has to stop wearing them. I understand a fetish doesnt just go away. But I just want it to not interfere with us & our time.
very hard to beat a fetish.

only married a year....I'd throw the towel in if it were me. wouldn't want this to be part of my sex life for life.

every body wants to feel desired and you will never feel like he desires YOU. after awhile resentment will build and then you will end up divorced anyways maybe with the complications of kids to boot.
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Old 12-26-2012, 09:13 AM   #8 (permalink)
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Default Re: husbands fetish is ruining our marriage.

Don't have kids until this issue is resolved. He's obsessed. It sounds like an addiction. It's great and all that you seem to be cool with him wearing the stuff. Your problem is that he has gone overboard. He seems addicted. Hours and hours in the bathroom taking photos? Obsessing over the lighting and not you? This has overstepped the bounds of really liking something into a twisted fanaticism. If this is what 98% of your fights are about and he's not changing because either he can't or doesn't think it's a problem, then I'm afraid you didn't know your husband and his fetish well enough when you got married. There isn't room for you and his fetish in this marriage. It has taken it over like a disease that only one of you sees. I think he has a choice - either recognize and get help for his fetish which is endangering this marriage, cut it back to a few times a month, like the other poster suggested, with no sneaking off to the bathroom to spend time with himself and not you, or you have to leave.
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Old 12-26-2012, 09:54 AM   #9 (permalink)
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Default Re: husbands fetish is ruining our marriage.

It might just be part of who he is, and if thats the case, I doubt you will come to love it or even accept it since you already hate it so much. That is your right though. If you have only been married a year and you have no kids, you might want to think long and hard about if this is the right person for you to spend your life with.
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Old 12-26-2012, 10:03 AM   #10 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Machiavelli View Post
Pantyhose? pathetic. Garters and stockings are way hotter!
Lol...agreed! :P

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Old 12-26-2012, 11:09 AM   #11 (permalink)
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Default Re: husbands fetish is ruining our marriage.

You're husband spend hours in the bathroom cross-dressing and taking pictures of himself and you're complaining about wearing pantyhose????

I think there may be a bigger problem somewhere.
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Old 12-26-2012, 12:14 PM   #12 (permalink)
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Default Re: husbands fetish is ruining our marriage.

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Originally Posted by Maneo View Post
From what you have described it may be that your husband has an obsession that he is having difficulty controlling. It might require professional help. The two of you trying to deal with this may not be sufficient.
Sage advice.
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Old 12-26-2012, 01:03 PM   #13 (permalink)
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Default Re: husbands fetish is ruining our marriage.

My h is straight and a CD. I would be really upset if he were paying more attention to clothes than to me during sex! And spending hours locked in the bathroom?
I think you need to see a sex therapist who specializes/has e pertinence with GLBT queer people. It could be that he is trying to keep his CD tendencies locked down so much that they just keep coming out. So to speak...
Does he know that this bothers you?
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Old 12-26-2012, 04:11 PM   #14 (permalink)
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Default Re: husbands fetish is ruining our marriage.

Fetishes have to be strictly managed. If not they will take over the sexual aspect of the marriage.
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Old 12-26-2012, 05:03 PM   #15 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ph hater View Post
ok, first of all i am 28 my husband is 31. We have been married for a year.
My husband has a pantyhose fetish. No big deal, could be worse right? I use to wear them for him with no hesitation. Until they HAD to be involved for him to want to have sex, or even seem interested in it. I finally got frustrated and told him I didnt want to wear them anymore because he would pay more attention to them while we were having sex then me. Like making sure they were straight and he could see the shine just right in the light. That was a big thing for him. Or he had to be wearing them. yes he would wear them as well. Which is where a lot of the problem comes from. He wears them everyday. He tries to hide it from me but he's not very successful with it. He will lock himself in the bathroom for hours at a time taking pictures of himself in them. I've caught him wearing my stuff, like shoes, panties and bras a bunch of times. He promised he wouldnt touch my things anymore but I still catch him with my stuff.
I still will wear them for him every once in a great while. Mainly just to shut him up & well girls have needs too but he knows how much I hate them because what they have done to our marriage. They are the main reason for 98% of our fights.
So what I guess i'm trying to ask is_
He knows I dont like them, if i'm wearing them or him. Should he respect that and not ask me to?
Now i'm not saying HE has to stop wearing them. I understand a fetish doesnt just go away. But I just want it to not interfere with us & our time.
It sounds like since you started withdrawing from what he likes the relationship is going downhill and he is looking for other outlets for this pantyhose interest. Why don't you just agree that you will be willing to indulge his fetish at a certain frequency like every few weeks (more than what you are doing now) as long as he is willing to have vanilla sex with you the rest of the time.
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