Porn Addiction--Story time
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Sex in Marriage Sexual problems are common in many relationships. This section is for discussions about sexuality. Please limit discussions to those asking for help with a problem and those offering advice. Any other threads may be deleted.

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Old 12-26-2012, 03:49 PM   #1 (permalink)
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Default Porn Addiction--Story time

Hi: My husband of over 20 years is addicted to pornography. I have come to the conclusion that he doesn't care that he is addicted. He has also told me that it is my fault, have never given him enough sex, am not attractive enough, blah, blah, blah.........Anyway, he does not even try to fulfill me in any way, but expects me to perform all of that stuff that he sees.

I pretend to look at whatever it is that he is looking at. I just turn my head, make noises and act like I am getting s-o-o-o turned on. I hate looking at that stuff. I can't explain it, but I just don't like it and never have.

I have always been willing to do whatever was pleasing until this porn addiction happened. I felt like I was pretty adventureous, but apparently not. He is always threatening to put pictures of me on the internet and then when I call him on it, he says he is just playing. I absolutely will not let him take pictures of me, because I don't trust him to not do this to me.

The other thing that is weird to me is that he has to be told stories all of the time during sex. (My fantasies...........I don't have any). I then go ahead and make up something to get it over with. We don't have intercourse...this is the "handjob" that I give him once or twice a day, depending. He doesn't give me affection or kisses unless I tell him a story. Am I the one with the problem?
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Old 12-26-2012, 04:05 PM   #2 (permalink)
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Default Re: Porn Addiction--Story time

Do you want to stay in this marriage?
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Old 12-26-2012, 05:33 PM   #3 (permalink)
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Default Re: Porn Addiction--Story time

I think we'll wind up with the chicken or the egg debate. Are the marital problems a symptom of the porn addiction or is the porn addiction a symptom of marital problems? Or are they feeding each other (likely). We don't have enough information at this point.
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Old 12-26-2012, 05:45 PM   #4 (permalink)
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Default Re: Porn Addiction--Story time

You are not the one with the problem, he is.
His wiring is messed up.
He needs some sort of counselling to fix himself.
The sex has never been satisfying to you , and you still act out his fantasies.
He is living in a fantasy land where you don't exist.
[ hence the hand jobs ]
He seems unable to connect be intimate with you without the porn or fantasies.
Has he ever brought up the idea of having a third party[ male ] involved during sex?
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Old 12-26-2012, 06:34 PM   #5 (permalink)
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Default Re: Porn Addiction--Story time

^^Ya but does he KNOW that he is not satisfying her? |She says she goes along with the porn and the stories so she's basically faking it everytime. If he thinks everything is fine it's pretty f'ed up if he gets blindsided one day with her either walking away or cheating.

Not saying that OP would do that....

OP talk to him. Make him see he is not making you happy. Sexual satisfaction is absolutely imparitive to marital happiness. If he's not fulfilling you sexually you will leave. Either in your heart or with your body.
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Old 12-26-2012, 06:47 PM   #6 (permalink)
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Default Re: Porn Addiction--Story time

OP, I can't imagine how you can tolerate such a marriage, and I'm sorry you're going through this...

I'm posting a link that you might find useful:-

Your Brain On Porn | Evolution has not prepared your brain for today's Internet porn.

Good luck!
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Old 12-26-2012, 08:22 PM   #7 (permalink)
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Default Re: Porn Addiction--Story time

Your husband is messed up.

Have a look at the link in my signature about help for sex addicts. Porn addiction is a form of sex addiction. By acting out what he wants and ignoring your own wants you are enabling his behaviour. That is one sign that you're codependent. You could benefit from some help with that too.
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Old 12-27-2012, 08:18 AM   #8 (permalink)
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Originally Posted by Cosmos View Post
OP, I can't imagine how you can tolerate such a marriage, and I'm sorry you're going through this...

I'm posting a link that you might find useful:-

Your Brain On Porn | Evolution has not prepared your brain for today's Internet porn.

Good luck!


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Old 12-27-2012, 07:38 PM   #9 (permalink)
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Default Re: Porn Addiction--Story time

I think we'll wind up with the chicken or the egg debate.
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Old 12-27-2012, 09:13 PM   #10 (permalink)
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Default Re: Porn Addiction--Story time

this is very very sad. It sounds like you've been his sex rag for 20 years. No intercourse but you give him a hand-job once or twice a day? how does that happen? you do it because he expects you to? he asks you? demands you to give a hand-job? Where's your sexual satisfaction? do you actually believe him when he says this is all your fault? and what exactly is your fault? his porn addiction? him not wanting intercourse? you give him a hand job 14x/week and he complains that doesn't get enough sex, yet he doesn't want intercourse? your husband sounds like a sexually sick demanding man.

Why do you humor him with fantasies that aren't even your own? He sounds like a little kid who needs a bedtime story from his mama or he can't sleep. STOP RIGHT NOW!! Enough of this. And what exactly would he do if you withheld twice daily HJ's from him? It doesn't sound like a loving marriage to me, but a marriage of insults and intimidation. Either you ask for and demand respect or get a divorce and let him masturbate or get his handjobs somewhere else. He won't find another person on this earth to treat like sh*t AND sexual fulfill him like you do. He's walking all over you. RUN LIKE HELL from this guy.
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Old 12-27-2012, 11:45 PM   #11 (permalink)
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Default Re: Porn Addiction--Story time

Run baby run. Your husband is a total a**h***.
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Old 12-28-2012, 10:47 AM   #12 (permalink)
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Default Re: Porn Addiction--Story time

Thank you all for your feedback. I feel better just knowing from others that I am not "the selfish one" (his words) when I try not to give in to his demands and I mean demands.

I should have divorced him long ago, but I always thought it would get better. I married him for better or worse and deluded myself into thinking that there was no worse. I also didn't count on internet pornography taking over his life. I don't want out of this marriage. Mainly, because I don't think I could or would want to love anyone else. I do not trust my judgement enough to not get in the same situation again, either.

I have always been very open with him about my childhood. A lot of people have been in foster care and I thought that I survived it pretty well. Girls are not treated very well, especially when it gets out that there is abuse in the birth home. So, I thought that I had found real love with this man until the internet porn. Now, he acts like that that kind interaction is normal.

I have gotten abuse counseling and know that 95% of what my husband says is not true, but it still hurts.

Thank you.
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Old 12-29-2012, 02:29 PM   #13 (permalink)
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Default Re: Porn Addiction--Story time

It hurts when you are accused of things that aren't true, but that is what manipulative people do - make you feel bad about things that you really shouldn't feel bad/guilty about.

Your judgement has been skewed from your childhood and from your husband, but please know that it is not skewed this time. You are NOT wrong. Trust your judgement now and GET OUT. AFter 20 years, it will be hard to walk, but you will survive and heal and you will be able to trust your judgement again.

Your husband will know that something is up when you stop right now giving in to his psycho demands. That's OK. You're not a bad person for resisting bad treatment.

Don't procrastinate for another few years. See a lawyer. Want more for yourself.
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Old 01-01-2013, 05:05 AM   #14 (permalink)
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Default Re: Porn Addiction--Story time

My opinion;
Women are from Venus and men are from Mars. Actually, you only need to look at nature (animals) and their mating instincts to understand this concept. Men naturally want sex all the time, it's in their genetics. Women don't, they only truely want sex one time a month. Can you see the problem yet?
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Old 01-15-2013, 10:06 PM   #15 (permalink)
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Default Re: Porn Addiction--Story time

Their is a fine line between porn addiction and casual porn viewing.... His like you stated is most definitely an addiction. Continued use in this aspect will continue to spiral downward in your marriage. Maybe see if he will seek counseling with you and explain how it makes you feel. From what I am seeing though you have tried everything already. Unfortunately, your marriage may have to end because you really do NOT deserve that one bit. Your marriage, however, is definitely fixable but if he is not willing then there is no point in trying. Only he can make it work and no one can make him want to.
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