Sex in MarriageSexual problems are common in many relationships. This section is for discussions about sexuality. Please limit discussions to those asking for help with a problem and those offering advice. Any other threads may be deleted.
I don't mean teasing as in taunting but teasing as in erotically, sensually arousing but delaying her finish. This is sometimes called orgasm denial. I would term it more orgasm delay. I arouse her doing things I know she enjoys, bringing her to the edge, not letting her go over the edge immediately but delaying the final release. She enjoys the initial build-up and the final climactic release but finds the delay sometimes difficult to endure. It makes her crazy as in squirming, writhing, losing control amid much noise on her part. It is kind of like taking her on a roller coaster ride of arousal.
I won't go into the specifics of what things I do to take her on this roller coaster ride. Suffice to say she is extremely sensitive to touch from spanks to tickles and sometimes restraint is employed. Use your imagination. It is all consensual and we have an agreed upon safe word. When used I immediately stop whatever I am doing.
Naturally this is all a huge turn-on for me. It seems to be for her as well.
She says for her this is something of a love/hate experience - she simultaneously loves it while hating it. 51% love and 49% hate she says. I know of course variations exist for each individual and couple on these sorts of things.
My concern is that in her loving desire to please me and in the intense pleasure this brings me, I may be losing sight of the sensual torment I am giving her. Guiltily I admit when she reaches such a state of crazed arousal that she begs me to give her a climax, I get intense pleasure.
Do other couples engage in this sort of intimacy? I worry of going too far. What are reasonable limits?
Reasonable limits are what the two of you decide they are. Do you do it this way all the time?
I can see the appeal however I prefer to have multi's and I know it turns my partner on that he can do this for me.
My wife is a one O per session sort of woman.
We do vary the routine from quickies to slow and building to her taking a lead to fast and furious to experimenting (finger paints anyone?) to the tease I described and just about anything in between.
For me I normally rely on empathy throughout the teases. After a while I learnt how to gauge her arousal and learnt her limits. For example; sometimes when pushed over the edge she proceeds to jump me or grab my hands or pulls me in. So sometimes it's fun to push her past her limit from time to time hehe. I don't think there's anything wrong with that personally as long as you don't leave her hanging or something.
I like some teasing and some orgasm denial but after a while it starts to piss me off and makes me angry LOL
I guess that's when it's time to stop
Teasing has a way of making me feel small and insecure...as though I'm panting after the man while he's cool and collected,not panting for me at all.Even if that's not the case,it still feels that way with too much teasing.
For us, the foreplay and erotic teasing is important to keep sex from becoming boring and routine. The build up, anticipation, extended arousal, and delayed orgasm many times IS the best part of sex, but only in moderation. We don't do this every time, but when we do...we can hardly control our desire to climax. It is fun to find new ways to tease each other's body. My mind is "wired" to do this, and my wife loves this about me.
Example: I found several different types of artistic paint brushes with different tips on them from Michaels (local arts and crafts store). We experiment with them on each others naked body and they do create lots of great "tension" and teasing. We also have several types of feathers. Teasing is great foreplay in our bedroom.
I would love to hear more ideas and examples of good teasing from others.
Ah, we also have a collection of brushes, feathery things and other assorted items - soft scarves, satin ribbon, soft bristle brushes as well as a blindfold to explore the wonderful world of sensation. Some things are subtle like using a rose petal. Some things are "peel her off the ceiling" response like an electric toothbrush on the underside of toes. The fun is in being very focused on one another and finding just the right combination of sensual moments with everything in the play box including use of fingers, lips, tongue, teeth, hair and so on.
It is awakening and using all the senses and being very in tune with your partner to build the intensity.
I guess my query is really about limits and how we go about exploring those, expanding them, and testing them in a loving and intimate way with the goal of expanding the intimate sexual experience for both.
It is a delicate path to tread and ScarletBegonias comment about the possibility of teasing making one feel small and insecure is a real possibility that needs to be taken into consideration.
I think for us, this sort of intimate adult play demands that we pay close attention to one another and are sensitive to how each responds. Those responses can be small like the sudden appearance of goosebumps or the soft, sudden intake of breath or they can be large like an loud shriek or instantly kicking out a leg or otherwise thrashing or arching off the bed.
Our use of a safe word allows shouting Stop! while really meaning Don't Stop!
When is it too much? When is it not enough? When is it just right?
Maybe it's just my wife and I, but teasing means something entirely different to us. Teasing, for us, is the first part of foreplay. It's highly erotic flirting that will likely not lead (immediately) to sex. Orgasm denial - yet again, to us - is more of a power exchange (i.e. S&M).