Dumb question about groping
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Sex in Marriage Sexual problems are common in many relationships. This section is for discussions about sexuality. Please limit discussions to those asking for help with a problem and those offering advice. Any other threads may be deleted.

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Old 01-04-2013, 09:06 AM   #1 (permalink)
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Default Dumb question about groping

Been married for 21 years and all my efforts to be a better wife have paid off. We've had an awakening of sorts and we're closer than we've ever been both emotionally and physically.

He's never been a groper but now he is. Although I don't fully understand groping I'm totally cool with it.

My dumb question is since I don't get the point of constant groping what response is expected?

Today for example I woke with a migraine headache, its a hectic school morning and my lovely husband is grabbing at me as I walk by before he leaves for work. Puts a smile on my face yes but I'm not exactly feeling very sexy if you kwim?

In situations like that what am I supposed to do back if anything?
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Old 01-04-2013, 09:09 AM   #2 (permalink)
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Default Re: Dumb question about groping

Grab his butt and say something like "nice a@@ baby but i have such a headache now. Maybe we can connect tonight"
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Old 01-04-2013, 09:29 AM   #3 (permalink)
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Default Re: Dumb question about groping

My wife has the same issue...how to respond to groping when she isn't really feeling it.

Groping is a form of foreplay and doesn't always require a response back. For me, it is a thing of being able to touch something I don't get to fully enjoy at the moment, but to be able to touch it for two reasons...I'm teasing myself by getting a little excited, knowing the full package is accessible later in the evening. I am also sending a message to her...letting her know I want her, that I desire her, that I want to enjoy her.

Certain times, she isn't receptive to this at all, but since she understands it is part of the love language I speak (physical touch), she is doing a better job of being able to receive my messages as they are intended.
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Old 01-04-2013, 09:42 AM   #4 (permalink)
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A smile of genuine appreciation is nice... But a return grope is great...
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Old 01-04-2013, 09:46 AM   #5 (permalink)
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Default Re: Dumb question about groping

Groping defined in my situation: random gentle stroking/touching of my boobs and ass. I don't think it's overtly sexual either - it is absolutely more of an "I love you, find you hot, need a quick fix" kinda thing.

I am definately appreciative. I've missed my husband and am grateful to have him back after all those years of him being checked out of the marriage.
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Old 01-04-2013, 10:18 AM   #6 (permalink)
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Default Re: Dumb question about groping

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Groping defined in my situation: random gentle stroking/touching of my boobs and ass. I don't think it's overtly sexual either - it is absolutely more of an "I love you, find you hot, need a quick fix" kinda thing.

I am definately appreciative. I've missed my husband and am grateful to have him back after all those years of him being checked out of the marriage.
First off, I'm happy for you Mavash. Good for you to have earned through your hardwork this type of marriage. Way to go!

As for 'what to do', you did it. As a husband (to be), if I give my fiancee a nice caress on her behind, or touch her breast, or anything that is considered 'groping', I don't expect her to drop what she's doing and jump on me and grope me back. All I expect is a smile (like you did) and on occassion, a return grope. Nothing more.
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Old 01-04-2013, 10:24 AM   #7 (permalink)
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Default Re: Dumb question about groping

My hubby doesn't grope just because he wants sex right then and there. I think he's like yours - just a kind of "I love you and your sexy bod" thing. Depending what I am doing I will either just smile and let him do it for a couple seconds then move on, or give him a quick kiss, or throw my arms around his neck and kiss him hard, or start rubbing up against him breathily, or suggest we both drop what we're doing and have at er.

I love that he does this and I don't understand women who complain about being groped.
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Old 01-04-2013, 10:36 AM   #8 (permalink)
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Default Re: Dumb question about groping

I agree with all above here. My husband is a groper and I stop for a few seconds, acknowledge it, then continue what I'm doing. I don't think he expects any more since it seems to happen a lot in the kitchen, where the kids are right next door.
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Old 01-04-2013, 10:44 AM   #9 (permalink)
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Default Re: Dumb question about groping

I was gropey in both my long term relationships, and both of them didn't like or appreciate it so I refrained a lot, however I still just had this impulse to grab a bum, or cop a feel of breast - it's something that you can have in a relationship that you can't really have when you are single (or else you face criminal charges).

If I ever have another long term relationship it will be with someone who appreciate the groping (in private mostly) and realizes it's not my form of foreplay or saying that I want to initiate sex, it is just a novelty that makes me feel... connected? manly? in the moment? not sure, just an impulse but one that I don't want or need to feel ashamed for.
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Old 01-04-2013, 10:50 AM   #10 (permalink)
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I love that he does this and I don't understand women who complain about being groped.
I think the lack of understanding might stem from the various definitions of "groping" that abound.

My husband was extremely prone to slapping me on the behind rather harder than was truly pleasant, grabbind my crotch rather firmly, sticking his hands into my bra to tweak my nipples, and licking my chest or neck. He tended to do these things frequently, seemingly almost without thought, no matter where we were at the time or who was watching. And he didn't really want to touch me in other, non-sexual, less agressive, ways.

So, a man who would routinely shake off my hand if I tried to hold hands with him while walking in public, once came up to me at a family function, leaned down and licked my chest with the full flat of his tounge for several seconds, in full view of several relatives. The experience did not feel loving, warm, or anything but publicly disrespectful and overtly sexual in an inappropriate way. I felt rather like an object - or like a tire that the alpha dog had just peed on to mark his territory.
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Old 01-04-2013, 10:53 AM   #11 (permalink)
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I think the lack of understanding might stem from the various definitions of "groping" that abound.
Agree with your whole post that's why I clarified what I meant by groping. My husband is being very sweet, very gentle and very respectful. I have NO problems with his type of touching. I've been very clear to him that he's free to touch me like that as often as he wants to. I'm here for him to enjoy. No complaints from me.

What your husband did was awful!!!
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Old 01-04-2013, 11:01 AM   #12 (permalink)
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Default Re: Dumb question about groping

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Originally Posted by Rowan View Post
I think the lack of understanding might stem from the various definitions of "groping" that abound.

My husband was extremely prone to slapping me on the behind rather harder than was truly pleasant, grabbind my crotch rather firmly, sticking his hands into my bra to tweak my nipples, and licking my chest or neck. He tended to do these things frequently, seemingly almost without thought, no matter where we were at the time or who was watching. And he didn't really want to touch me in other, non-sexual, less agressive, ways.

So, a man who would routinely shake off my hand if I tried to hold hands with him while walking in public, once came up to me at a family function, leaned down and licked my chest with the full flat of his tounge for several seconds, in full view of several relatives. The experience did not feel loving, warm, or anything but publicly disrespectful and overtly sexual in an inappropriate way. I felt rather like an object - or like a tire that the alpha dog had just peed on to mark his territory.
And he's still your husband? I hope he's changed... or you've ripped his tongue out.
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Old 01-04-2013, 11:05 AM   #13 (permalink)
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Default Re: Dumb question about groping

I always ask my wife if she would prefer that I stop groping and the answer is always a resounding "no!". Guess its a small price to pay to know that your husband still desires you.
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Old 01-04-2013, 11:13 AM   #14 (permalink)
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Default Re: Dumb question about groping

Quote:
Originally Posted by Rowan View Post
I think the lack of understanding might stem from the various definitions of "groping" that abound.

My husband was extremely prone to slapping me on the behind rather harder than was truly pleasant, grabbind my crotch rather firmly, sticking his hands into my bra to tweak my nipples, and licking my chest or neck. He tended to do these things frequently, seemingly almost without thought, no matter where we were at the time or who was watching. And he didn't really want to touch me in other, non-sexual, less agressive, ways.

So, a man who would routinely shake off my hand if I tried to hold hands with him while walking in public, once came up to me at a family function, leaned down and licked my chest with the full flat of his tounge for several seconds, in full view of several relatives. The experience did not feel loving, warm, or anything but publicly disrespectful and overtly sexual in an inappropriate way. I felt rather like an object - or like a tire that the alpha dog had just peed on to mark his territory.
That isn't groping. That's abuse.
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Old 01-04-2013, 11:28 AM   #15 (permalink)
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Default Re: Dumb question about groping

Quote:
Originally Posted by Rowan View Post
I think the lack of understanding might stem from the various definitions of "groping" that abound.

My husband was extremely prone to slapping me on the behind rather harder than was truly pleasant, grabbind my crotch rather firmly, sticking his hands into my bra to tweak my nipples, and licking my chest or neck. He tended to do these things frequently, seemingly almost without thought, no matter where we were at the time or who was watching. And he didn't really want to touch me in other, non-sexual, less agressive, ways.

So, a man who would routinely shake off my hand if I tried to hold hands with him while walking in public, once came up to me at a family function, leaned down and licked my chest with the full flat of his tounge for several seconds, in full view of several relatives. The experience did not feel loving, warm, or anything but publicly disrespectful and overtly sexual in an inappropriate way. I felt rather like an object - or like a tire that the alpha dog had just peed on to mark his territory.
Maybe to a guy, like me even, this is what it is - groping is "sexual" but it's not really about giving pleasure, it certainly is objectifying a woman's body, and in a way "marking his territory". However a good man, I feel, would balance the respect for his W as his partner and as a person... that objectification doesn't have to be necessarily evil, but if he won't show respect for you in other ways, or participate in other displays of affection no wonder it would feel awful and even humiliating.
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