Talk About Marriage banner
Status
Not open for further replies.

What Do Women Feel During PIV Sex with No Orgasm?

62K views 109 replies 40 participants last post by  FrazzledSadHusband 
#1 ·
I was having sex with my husband this morning (missionary - him on top) and he stopped for a few seconds and I realized that I didn't even feel him inside of me. While he's moaning from pleasure, I don't really feel too much. I've never had an orgasm from PIV sex. I think it's nice and it brings us closer, but it seems pretty one-sided to me.

I was thinking of getting a vibrator, but even still, if sex lasts a few minutes, I don't think I can come in a few minutes. I guess we should start on me first. I feel more when we have sex doggy-style.

I'm just wondering, aside from the great emotional connection, what is it that women are feeling, like the ones who have sex several times a week, or every day, or are the women having an orgasm, too?
 
#69 ·
Yep, I think they are going to have to work on the PE first. If he's having issues lasting with their current technique, her suddenly becoming more active, and involved, is likely to cut his time down to virtually nothing.

There is some good info here:

http://answers.google.com/answers/threadview/id/295902.html
 
#71 ·
Some of PE can be from conditioning. Think about puberty, when most guys are trying to get themselves off quickly so they don't get interrupted. Changing this pattern and trying to lengthen the amount of time that is spent before ejaculation is helpful. Exercising the PC muscle is also beneficial. When erect, place a wet washcloth on the erection and lift. If you are unsure what this looks like, cough and watch the lift. That is the motion that you want to intentionally do.

For women, kegel exercises are the way to tone the PC muscle. Ben Wa balls can be used as a tool to help exercise. There is also a newer device by Jopen called the Intensity. Intensity By Jopen - JO4710003 - A Place For Passion This product design was originally just for improving PC muscle tone for incontinence. It now has a vibe added so it doubles for pleasure as well, still working those PC muscles.

If PIV does not last very long it is important to spend more time on the foreplay. It may take a bit of exploration to find what works best, but that can be a ton of fun.

A similar vibe to the Form 2, but cheaper, is the Muse. Muse Massager - Purple - NSN0212-15 - A Place For Passion
 
#72 ·
Yes, the PE needs to be worked out first. My husband has great pelvic floor control and can usually go for as long as necessary, definitely more than 10 or 20 minutes.

Have you tried him giving you oral until you are really close and then switching to PIV? I bet if he did that and then found a position where his pelvic bone and the base of the penis were rubbing against your clitoris you'd be able to orgasm.

Also, if you kind of hook your legs over his you can often pull yourself closer so that when he moves in and out he's never actually losing contact and if everything is positioned well that can work too.
 
This post has been deleted
#74 ·
Just to clarify- I can feel my husband when he enters , it just gets reduced if I'm too wet and missionary doesn't do it justice really. It's an angle thing also... Learning so much from this thread!
I think if I lost some weight I might be able to get into more positions for better PIV sensations...and I really should be doing my kegels. I have asked my husband, and previous partners how I feel for them inside- have been told I'm 'tight' but hey maybe I have only met gentlemen... That could be a whole other thread!
 
#75 ·
I think if I lost some weight I might be able to get into more positions for better PIV sensations...and I really should be doing my kegels.
If you workout,
focus on squats and lunges, AB rollouts etc.
When working your abs a movement you maight want to include is this:
Lie flat on the floor [ on your back ] and grasp a stability ball between your ankles. Raise your legs slightly off the floor and twist the ball clockwise and anti clockwise. Do not let it touch the round.
It works the lower abs, PC, glutes and leg muscles.
 
#76 ·
thanks all so much. I never really thought there was a correlation between PE and me reaching an orgasm from PIV sex, since I thought that I couldn't, it didn't really matter how long he was in me. When he lasts a very short time - 30 seconds to 2-3 minutes, and I can tell he's so frustrated and exasperated, I always thought "no big deal to me - I don't get anything from this anyway."

I guess PE is the elephant in the room we need to deal with. I guess I need to bring it up. I can't believe how sexually unaware I have been and that I never knew how long average sex lasted. I thought 5 minutes was average. Now I realize that even 5 minutes is PE.
 
#80 ·
I guess PE is the elephant in the room we need to deal with. I guess I need to bring it up. I can't believe how sexually unaware I have been and that I never knew how long average sex lasted. I thought 5 minutes was average. Now I realize that even 5 minutes is PE.
5 minutes is not generally considered to be a length of time associated with PE. There is lots of conflicting data out there, but in most studies the 5 minute range is well within average.

If the vast majority of the time he's lasting about 5 minutes, that's pretty average. Yes many men can go longer, but many, many can not.

But if 5 minutes is a high, but he's typically in the 1-2 minute range, or even less, then overall I'd say that is PE.

Also understand that PE is less about time, and more about control. If a man feels he is reaching orgasm much sooner than he likes, and has no control, that is the problem.
 
#78 · (Edited)
and thanks MrAvg for telling your tale of PE and how you overcame it. I got my husband the book, 'she comes first' (he gave up halfway through) which is like your tale - the author had PE so he wanted to compensate by becoming great at oral sex. OS is the only way I can orgasm, but it usually feel likes it's a race to the finish for my H. He goes straight for the clitoris and fiercely licks away. I do come, but I know it can feel better, but I digress....

oh and to reply to a prior question - I did measure my husband a few months ago with my fingers then went to a ruler - he is 6" long when erect. I didn't measure the diameter, but right now I'd guess 1-1/4".
 
#81 · (Edited)
this morning my husband and I had sex after he did OS on me and I gave him a BJ. I put a pillow under my back (I'm going to buy a wedge - i think that will work better) and squeezed my muscles more to try and feel more.

I usually do feel more after OS, so between those 3 factors (OS, pillow, muscles) I think I may have begun to feel something begin to build! Maybe that was my g-spot - I don't know. Too bad sex only lasted 2 minutes, if that long. (how could he come in 2 minutes after just coming 5 minutes before?? I guess that's what PE means). For the first time ever I thought that maybe if it lasted 10 minutes, I might orgasm from PIV sex. Maybe that's wishful thinking or projecting all my thoughts coming from this poye husband that I'd like to work together with him to last longer.

Funny how after decades of not thinking about it, I'm now thinking that he's had thousands of more orgasms than me and I want some equity here!
 
#82 ·
this morning my husband and I had sex after he did OS on me and I gave him a BJ. I put a pillow under my back (I'm going to buy a wedge - i think that will work better) and squeezed my muscles more to try and feel more.

I usually do feel more after OS, so between those 3 factors (OS, pillow, muscles) I think I may have begin to feel something begin to build! Maybe that was my g-spot - I don't know. Too bad sex only lasted 2 minutes, if that long. (how could he come in 2 minutes after just coming 5 minutes before?? I guess that's what PE means). For the first time ever I thought that maybe if it lasted 10 minutes, I might orgasm from PIV sex. Maybe that's wishful thinking or projecting all my thoughts coming from this post into mind over matter. Regardless, I'm going to get the guts, and take MrAvg's advice and tell me husband that I'd like to work together with him to last longer.

Funny how after decades of not thinking about it, I'm now thinking that he's had thousands of more orgasms than me and I want some equity here!
But be careful to approach it sensitively. You don't want to make it sound as though you are being critical of him.

I haven't read alll the replies you have had, but for me it is not a natural thing. Some men are just born 'long lasting' others, like me, have to really work at it.

And believe me when I say how upsetting it is to have PE. You feel a failure as a man.

One of the techniques I used was the old stop-start routine.
Every time I felt the tingling beginning I would stop or we would change position. It seems to me also that it is the first urge to ejaculate that is the worst. Once I have stopped that I am good to go nowadays.
Also as i mentioned try different positions, cowgirl especially is very good.
 
#83 ·
If you enjoy being able to look into his eyes while you have sex, you could try oiling both your bodies, have him push his penis all the way into you, he cant thrust he has to move his body up and down on yours without breaking the contact between your gentials and him. It works even better when you're on top. There will be less direct stimulation of his penis which should help him to last longer for you and if he does cum just keep going until you orgasm.

My husband loves that one with me on top controlling the contact and speed. It is a total change of pace. He can also stimulate your nipples at the same time.

The other position that works best for me is lying over a pillow on my stomach with my husband entering me from behind and rubbing my palm against my clitorus and pubic bone. Again my husband lets me control the speed and movement on his penis, this one really does make him cum though, there is something about thrusting back on him that makes him go wild. It is also the quickest way for me to orgasm the stimulation of both my clitorus and my g spot is phenomonal.
 
#84 ·
fin - I'll try that!

WyshIKnew, since you're a guy who had PE, how exactly should I word it so that I am sensitive and not critical? I've been so sensitive I haven't said anything in 30 years, but now it's time. Please write me a script. And where/when am I saying this? Before sex? After sex? Out at a bar? Just hanging out in the bedroom? Do I say something like, "There's something that I want to talk to you about that I know you're very sensitive about..."

I just don't know what to say next. help.
 
#88 ·
fin - I'll try that!

WyshIKnew, since you're a guy who had PE, how exactly should I word it so that I am sensitive and not critical? I've been so
I haven't said anything in 30 years, but now it's time. Please write me a script. And where/when am I saying this? Before sex? After sex? Out at a bar? Just hanging out in the bedroom? Do I say something like, "There's something that I want to talk to you about that I know you're very sensitive about..."

I just don't know what to say next. help.

Well obviously you know your hubby best.
I would suggest as little pressure as possible as this can make it worse.
Rather than word it as "I want you to last longer" could you suggest it as a sex game?
Sort of suggest 1 to 2 minutes in one position then stop and change and so on.
And if he lasts 5minutes praise the heck out of him. It might sound silly but we do like to think we are 'the man' in the bedroom.

Tell him OMG that was amazing another thirty seconds and you would have so given me an amazing O.
And I didn't 'have' PE I still have it if I don't try I will still shoot too quickly. It's not your hubbies fault it is just the way he is wired. After all he is so in love with you that he loses control when making love to you.
 
  • Like
Reactions: IsGirl3
#86 ·
CAribbean Man, what do you mean, "take control in the bedroom?" communicate better? use my own hands?

MrAvg, in a prior post you wrote, "the book mentioned above is a good one." Maybe I'm skimming too fast, but I couldn't find the book you're referring to.
 
#87 ·
CAribbean Man, what do you mean, "take control in the bedroom?" communicate better? use my own hands?
You are the one who came here seeking answers , and you got some great answers.
He's still in the dark, and he's got that PE problem.
So you need to take the lead, and the first step.

By taking control , you must first let him know that you want to improve the sex both of you have. Let him know that you need more than just two or three minutes of penetration in order to climax. I'm sure he's aware of this , but is a bit embarassed to bring it up.
Both of you should then try whatever method together to make him last longer, so that you don't come across as being impatient. [ probably what Mr.Avg recomended in the book ]

My suggestions are;
1] Have sex multiple times. So after his first orgasm, let him rest [ 15 - 20 mins ] and start all over again. He would take longer to orgasm the second time , and his brain will get accustomed to the sensation of your ve-jay-jay.

2]Tell him to relax. Performance anxiety increases PE. If the abdominal muscles are tensed and the body is tense, it increases PE.

3]Have him masturbate or you give him handjobs. Know the signs of his orgasmic reflexes, or when he's nearing orgasm. When he's reaching that point stop, and don't touch the penis. Repeat a few times .This would help him get control of his orgasmic reflexes. Again, he must be totally relaxed. It takes time and practice.

4] Give him a sensual massage either with soap [ in the shower ] or oil.Massage the pelvic area WITHOUT TOUCHING HIS PENIS. Get him to relax the muscles in that area, and then give him the handjob at the end.When giving the handjob, experiment with different speeds [ fast , slow] tension, [ tight ,very loose] strokes [up/ down , screwdriver , butterfly etc] and use the same start / stop method above. Get him to last as long as possible

5] Increase the sex frequency per week, and maybe plan it.

Make it fun and exciting, after he cums, let him give you a sensual massage , and bring you to orgasm a few times.

Then later on you all can have PIV sex after he has rested.
 
#93 ·
It feels like a broom poking me in the crotch. Over and over and over again. Granted, I am not in love with him, I do love/care about him. But the emotional connection for me is lacking. When we were first together, it was great & it felt incredibly connecting. Now, it's annoying & takes him too long.
Posted via Mobile Device
 
#95 ·
I measured - 1-1/2" diameter. My thumb and index finger went around the penis and touched.
^^^^^^
This right there
If his diameter is just 1.5" , then his circumfrence or girth is just around 4".
Maybe its well within average range , but it sounds a bit below average to me.
 
#96 · (Edited)
I've mentioned this in other threads before, but I've never had an orgasm with PIV ever either - not even close in the past 10 years since I've been married.... the only way I can orgasm is through finger stimulation or nipples when I'm really aroused...however, I've always cherished PIV (even when I was very LD) since I love the feeling of skin on skin...I love watching my husband's arms/chest/shoulders as we do it...I like his weight/strength on me - it reminds me of his masculinity...I like the visuals of a man on a woman - have always loved it...the very picture that's always been the epitome of passion/sex
I'd love it more if he could pin me down or breathe into my ear when we did it missionary style, but he can only seem to orgasm while he's kneeling...

I'm guessing my husband's average...neither too big or small....

When I was LD, I could feel him going in and out and I just liked the intimate feeling then...now that I have a much better drive, my G-spot's come to life and I like the tingling feeling when its automatically brushed against...he lasts about 2-3 minutes (and that's how it has been always)...

What PIV means to me - intimacy, intimacy, intimacy
As Ele mentioned, PIV is as important as my own orgasm is to me...

For men who're trying to understand what PIV would mean to a woman who doesn't orgasm from it - well... it would be something like a man who LOVES giving his wife oral -> he derives pleasure from her pleasure and they both derive intimacy from it ...
 
#97 ·
I've mentioned this in other threads before, but I've never had an orgasm with PIV ever either - not even close in the past 10 years since I've been married.... the only way I can orgasm is through finger stimulation or nipples when I'm really aroused...however, I've always cherished PIV (even when I was very LD) since I love the feeling of skin on skin...I love watching my husband's arms/chest/shoulders as we do it...I like his weight/strength on me - it reminds me of his masculinity...I like the visual picture of a man on a woman - have always loved it...the very picture that's always been the epitome of passion/sex
I'd love it more if he could pin me down or breathe into my ear when we did it missionary style, but he can only seem to orgasm while he's kneeling...

I'm guessing my husband's average...neither too big or small....

When I was LD, I could feel him going in and out and I just liked the intimate feeling then...now that I have a much better drive, my G-spot's come to life and I like the tingling feeling when its automatically brushed against...he lasts about 2-3 minutes (and that's how it has been always)...

What PIV means to me - intimacy, intimacy, intimacy
As Ele mentioned, PIV is as important as my own orgasm is to me...

For men who're trying to understand what PIV would mean to a woman who doesn't orgasm from it - well... it would be something like a man who LOVES giving his wife oral -> he derives pleasure from her pleasure and they both derive intimacy from it ...
I love this post. Thanks for sharing. It definately drives home that women get an intimate feeling from PiV when described like this.
 
#108 ·
When my wife scratches my back it feels nice. I like it. It doesn't give me an orgasm, but I still like her to do it. Some things are just that simple.

What makes it not simple: When people stress over their partner not having an orgasm in the way/method that they want them to in order for
themselves to feel good about there own "performance".

What Do Women Feel During PIV Sex with No Orgasm: That they had their back scratched ? In some ways....perhaps.
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
You have insufficient privileges to reply here.
Top