I rape my "wife" when she's sleeping :(
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Sex in Marriage Sexual problems are common in many relationships. This section is for discussions about sexuality. Please limit discussions to those asking for help with a problem and those offering advice. Any other threads may be deleted.

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Old 01-16-2013, 03:05 PM   #1 (permalink)
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Unhappy I rape my "wife" when she's sleeping :(

Hi! New here. I've been reading threads about how vibrators and new exciting things help out in having a better relationship. But I'm afraid it doesn't apply on us. A little bit complicated.

I'm 21 years old, my partner just turned 23. We have a 2 year old kid whom we love very much.


Yes, I know it's a bit too early for me to have a kid but hey, who doesn't know somebody who's young and has a kid these days?

We've been together for 4 years (the 2 years of courting isn't counted though), and had great sex 2 years ago. Now we. Or rather I, only have it once?twice? a month. And she doesn't even want it.


I really don't understand why is her behavior like this. It's like when our kid was born, her libido malfunctioned.

We've been having this issue for a year already, and I've always been questioning her about it and it pisses her off.

"Don't you enjoy it anymore?" "What do I need to do to make you enjoy it?" "Why do you keep holding back?"

She's always "I don't want to do it anymore..yet. I want us to get married first"

I respect that decision but in order for us to get married, I need a parents advise which my parents won't give because they believe that because we're young, we might find other people to our liking in the long run.

I am perfectly sure that she's the girl that I want to marry. Not because of emotions and butterflies on my tummy but It's been my decision ever since I told myself to.

But the no sex is just killing me. Is it my problem that when I see her in shorts and shirt with no bra it turns me on?

Awhile ago I was at her house (we aren't staying together yet, but our parents are all good with that) and she got on top of me. She was all lovey dovey and I was too. But then I started asking for sex. Begging to be exact. Still a no. It's always a no.
I said fine then lets dry hump instead, still a no. She went to sleep, I waited for her to go to sleep. Got my condom and tried to put "it" inside her while sleeping. she woke up when I was almost finished so I jacked it off while she was curled up with a "you don't respect me anymore" face. I told her beforehand that I really couldn't resist her body even though she says she's fat. Even though she's not.


This has happend atleast 10 times? Not the penetration thing but I always touch her when she sleeps. I feel like a pig. But c'mon, I ain't gettin' any for the past few months. Yes we are not married but I'd like to think so and I have plans to do so, plus we have a freakin kid. It makes me feel like I'm entitled to something but is deprived of.

In a tight and confused situation here, hope you guys could help. Thank you.
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Old 01-16-2013, 03:14 PM   #2 (permalink)
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Default Re: I rape my "wife" when she's sleeping :(

Well, you two need to work it out, maybe counseling or you will definitely need to move out. Obviously the current arrangement isn't working for you at all, and it's definitely not good. But the fact of the matter is, if she is unwilling and you are taking advantage of her sleep, it is technically rape, and even if you were married, it wouldn't make it legal :-o Even touching if she doesn't want to be touched, while she is asleep, yep, illegal. You're going to have to do what it takes to protect yourself from law-breaking.
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Old 01-16-2013, 03:14 PM   #3 (permalink)
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Default Re: I rape my "wife" when she's sleeping :(

You are not entitled to her body. She has clearly shown and perhaps told you that she does not like to be ravaged in her sleep. She is human just as you are so you do need to respect her enough to not rape her. You should probably try going to a psychiatrist. Both of you should possibly try couples therapy as well and see what can be done, if anything.
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Old 01-16-2013, 03:17 PM   #4 (permalink)
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Default Re: I rape my "wife" when she's sleeping :(

To me, that is rape. You were told no, and you stuck it in anyways. I don't want to open the whole 'is this rape' discussion again, but IMO that is rape.

Secondly, you don't sound mature enough for marriage. Neither does your "wife." And sorry to tell you this but if you think getting married will improve your sex life on its own, you REALLY aren't mature enough to get married.
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Old 01-16-2013, 03:29 PM   #5 (permalink)
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Default Re: I rape my "wife" when she's sleeping :(

Many women lose interest in sex after having kid(s) because it changes their hormones and until they bounce back, don't expect her to be in the mood.

If was cool with you having sex with her while she slept, no prob. But if she said no, I wouldn't have sex with her while she is sleeping ever again. You could get into trouble.

As for your age, getting married depends on maturity and are you ready? My parents got married in their early 20's, no issues. I got married when I was 25 and my wife was 20, no issues. It all depends on you guys.
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Old 01-16-2013, 03:47 PM   #6 (permalink)
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Default Re: I rape my "wife" when she's sleeping :(

We're a-ok on raising our child. We take care of him in everything needed except for the milk, clothes and material things needed. We're responsible enough to handle our child.

We've been at a rough time in our relationship last year as I was we were having no time for each other, so she sought after guys who had. and same with me. Not guys though.

She wanted to feel loved and cared for. which she got from men of mid 20's, with cars, money and stable jobs. no sex though.

I on the other hand just wanted to have sex.
which i got. from 1 girl. that lasted less than 5 minutes. that we regretted of course.

We were of course both at fault and vowed to fix our relationship. make it better.

She said that I lacked time, which I now have. Enough to spend time with her, our kid and work.
She said that I wasn't sweet anymore, which I have been ever since the issue. Sweet texts, calls, blabitty blah.

Buut I feel that it's still not enough for her.

Quote:
You should probably try going to a psychiatrist
Is wanting to have sex more than your partner really that bad? I am honestly confused. I respect her when respect is due. And I understand that what I did was rape, and is verry wrong. But c'mon. I'm like a dried up withered leaf. A desert. I need. Well, WANT satisfaction.

This happened before, after the last incident I always asked first if I could. Every single day. The answer is always NO.

And yes I do things for her to make her feel relaxed because i've read in some article that sometimes they really don't have the mood for sex because of stress. So whenever i get the chance i do chores, take our kid to daycare, massage her back, rub her feet, then ask her again if we could y'know.

"Nope.Not possible"

She's the only girl i'd want to do it with. I'm leaning towards other "options" besides masturbating. Always have friction wounds. (hey, raging "teen"-ish hormones)

Quote:
Many women lose interest in sex after having kid(s) because it changes their hormones and until they bounce back, don't expect her to be in the mood.
when can she "bounce" back? I sometimes wonder if she's a robot, or she just has a HUGE amount of self control 'cause she was a Buddhist monk from her previous life.

Ready to get married? you mean like I have my own house, own car, a stable job in which I could pay my own bills and groceries?
Nope. But I'm workin' on it.

I still have two subjects left before I graduate from college, so yeah. makes it a lot more frustrating and complicated.
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Old 01-16-2013, 03:50 PM   #7 (permalink)
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Default Re: I rape my "wife" when she's sleeping :(

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I respect that decision but in order for us to get married, I need a parents advise which my parents won't give because they believe that because we're young, we might find other people to our liking in the long run.
Huh? You're 21, you're partner is 23, you have a two year old child, and you need some kind of parental "advise"? And when she said "no" to sex, you waited for her to go to sleep and then penetrated her?

Sounds to me that your parents are correct. You're too young and immature for marriage (to say nothing of having a child). Counseling--absolutely.
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Old 01-16-2013, 03:53 PM   #8 (permalink)
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Default Re: I rape my "wife" when she's sleeping :(

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We're a-ok on raising our child. We take care of him in everything needed except for the milk, clothes and material things needed. We're responsible enough to handle our child.
.
Really? So you are responsible enough to raise and provide everything your child needs except, well, EVERYTHING your child needs.
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Old 01-16-2013, 03:54 PM   #9 (permalink)
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Default Re: I rape my "wife" when she's sleeping :(

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We're a-ok on raising our child. We take care of him in everything needed except for the milk, clothes and material things needed.
Oy. Translation: "we are financially incapable of raising a child."
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Old 01-16-2013, 03:54 PM   #10 (permalink)
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Default Re: I rape my "wife" when she's sleeping :(

Its not about your drive its about you penetrating her regardless of how she feels. That in itself is not respectful. If she says no that means no and continueing to take her regardless will continue to result in a no from her. You are disrespecting her. Turn off. You take her anyway. Turn off. She doesnt feel safe as a result. Another turn off. You are killing her desire and sex drive by doing this.
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Old 01-16-2013, 03:57 PM   #11 (permalink)
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Default Re: I rape my "wife" when she's sleeping :(

This entire thread seems a bit trollish.
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Old 01-16-2013, 03:58 PM   #12 (permalink)
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Default Re: I rape my "wife" when she's sleeping :(

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This entire thread seems a bit trollish.
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100% agree. Either this guy is completely clueless about a lot of things in life spanning a lot of different areas, or he's trolling.

And for his sake I really hope he's trolling.
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Old 01-16-2013, 04:07 PM   #13 (permalink)
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100% agree. Either this guy is completely clueless about a lot of things in life spanning a lot of different areas, or he's trolling.

And for his sake I really hope he's trolling.
Same here. This is just too......... Well.... I just cant believe anyone could really be so ignorant.
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Old 01-16-2013, 04:20 PM   #14 (permalink)
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Default Re: I rape my "wife" when she's sleeping :(

^^

So she says no to sex, but yeah, go ahead and assume she likes it when you wake her up from a sound sleep with an unwanted **** in her. Great advice.
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Old 01-16-2013, 04:39 PM   #15 (permalink)
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Default Re: I rape my "wife" when she's sleeping :(

Quote:
Originally Posted by AsILayDaing View Post
We're a-ok on raising our child. We take care of him in everything needed except for the milk, clothes and material things needed. We're responsible enough to handle our child.
Oh, ok, so you're fine with raising your child, but don't have the means to do so. Got it. Great job dad!

Quote:
Originally Posted by AsILayDaing View Post
We've been at a rough time in our relationship last year as I was we were having no time for each other, so she sought after guys who had. and same with me. Not guys though.

She wanted to feel loved and cared for. which she got from men of mid 20's, with cars, money and stable jobs. no sex though.

I on the other hand just wanted to have sex.
which i got. from 1 girl. that lasted less than 5 minutes. that we regretted of course.
Ohhhhh ok! I get it, you both already cheated on each other: she, emotionally...you, physically. And you wonder why she says "NO" to sex??? Seriously? No, I am not condoning her emotional cheating, but I guarantee that I sure as hell wouldn't want my spouse to expect to be able to have sex with me after sticking it in some other chick.

Quote:
Originally Posted by AsILayDaing View Post
We were of course both at fault and vowed to fix our relationship. make it better.

She said that I lacked time, which I now have. Enough to spend time with her, our kid and work.
She said that I wasn't sweet anymore, which I have been ever since the issue. Sweet texts, calls, blabitty blah.

Buut I feel that it's still not enough for her.
It was just last year that you had sex with another girl...and you expect that she's gonna be fine with having sex with you already? You have GOT to be joking.

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Originally Posted by AsILayDaing View Post
Is wanting to have sex more than your partner really that bad? I am honestly confused. I respect her when respect is due. And I understand that what I did was rape, and is verry wrong. But c'mon. I'm like a dried up withered leaf. A desert. I need. Well, WANT satisfaction.
Nope, WANTING sex with your partner isn't bad... RAPING your partner is. She said no. You are not married. You are not even living together. You want to relieve yourself/ Do what my aunt told her ex-husband: "Find a hole in the wall!" I can't believe you have the gall to say "I know I raped her, but c'mon, it's not that bad...I deserve to be able to violate her. I need sex, after all!" C'mon, nobody is THAT stupid. And yes, the idea of being entitled to sex, by whatever means you can get it, IS STUPID!

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Originally Posted by AsILayDaing View Post
This happened before, after the last incident I always asked first if I could. Every single day. The answer is always NO.
And? Get over it. Again, you aren't married, nor living together. GET OVER YOURSELF!

Quote:
Originally Posted by AsILayDaing View Post
And yes I do things for her to make her feel relaxed because i've read in some article that sometimes they really don't have the mood for sex because of stress. So whenever i get the chance i do chores, take our kid to daycare, massage her back, rub her feet, then ask her again if we could y'know.

"Nope.Not possible"
Right, because CLEARLY doing nice things for her is going to make her completely forget that you raped her... repeatedly. You can do all the nice things you want... but until you put that ring on her finger, she has already stated that she isn't doing that any longer. Get over it.

Quote:
Originally Posted by AsILayDaing View Post
She's the only girl i'd want to do it with. I'm leaning towards other "options" besides masturbating. Always have friction wounds. (hey, raging "teen"-ish hormones)
Ohhhh...so if she doesn't put out, you're gonna cheat on her again. Now where have I heard this before.....?

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Originally Posted by AsILayDaing View Post
when can she "bounce" back? I sometimes wonder if she's a robot, or she just has a HUGE amount of self control 'cause she was a Buddhist monk from her previous life.
So, she MUST be a robot or whatever because she said NO to a little boy who can't even take care of himself? She obviously sees something good in you if she continues to stay with you. Based on what you have posted thus far, I don't see it, but it's not my call there, thank God. She will "bounce" back when she is ready... which you have already stated she said NOT UNTIL YOU MARRY HER!

Quote:
Originally Posted by AsILayDaing View Post
Ready to get married? you mean like I have my own house, own car, a stable job in which I could pay my own bills and groceries?
Nope. But I'm workin' on it.

I still have two subjects left before I graduate from college, so yeah. makes it a lot more frustrating and complicated.
So, no job, no car, no place of your own. You still, I presume, live with your parents? And you expect her to be ok with that. You can't provide for your child on your own. You can't pay your own bills or buy your own groceries... but you expect her to give it up to you whenever you want it. Yep, she got a real winner!

I sincerely hope this is a troll post. Because if it isn't, you really need help. So blasť about repeatedly violating the woman you claim you want to marry... honestly, I never once saw in your posts that you love her. That's very telling as well. Seek help. You need it.

Oh, and she's not your wife, she's not even your "wife"... you aren't married or even cohabiting.
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