He doesnt want sex with me but with others
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Navigation »Talk About Marriage »Focused Topics »Sex in Marriage » He doesnt want sex with me but with others

Sex in Marriage Sexual problems are common in many relationships. This section is for discussions about sexuality. Please limit discussions to those asking for help with a problem and those offering advice. Any other threads may be deleted.

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  • 6 Post By *LittleDeer*
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Old 01-23-2013, 03:38 AM   #1 (permalink)
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Default He doesnt want sex with me but with others

I don’t understand, my husband of 3 years, we have been together for 8 years, doesn’t want sex with me. The last time we had sex was about 8 or 9 months ago. In the last 3 years maybe 3 or 4 times. When we first started dating sex was great and we had sex all the time, I’m now 52 and he is 51, We both don’t look or act our age. I understand that sex would slow down but stop? The biggest problem is that he had an affair for the first year of our marriage. I was going to leave but we both decided we would try and work this out, sex just got worse with us. Now he looks at porn and I guess he masturbates, he doesn’t want to talk about it. I have tried everything from dressing sexy and my asking and begging for sex, all he says is I’m tired. Not tonight, I have a headache etc.!
Last night I saw where he was on backpage.com and Craig’s list looking at the escorts. I’m sure that will be next, I also know that he talks to other woman. He tells me he loves me and he’s not sure what’s wrong with him, he’s been to the doctor and they can find nothing. I’m sure he has problems with ED but he doesn’t try anything with me, I love him but a roommate is not what I was looking for. Is this ever going to get better? Is there hope for this marriage?
I love him with all my heart but I don’t understand,I have no self-esteem left. I am starting to feel so empty. We are good friends and do things together but there is no sexual intimacy or even just intimacy

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Old 01-23-2013, 04:11 AM   #2 (permalink)
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Default Re: He doesnt want sex with me but with others

He has no respect for you, he's allready cheated on you, and he won't stop untill you get serious.

I think the only thing you can do is file for divorce, tell him that you don't think you want to be with him. He's the one with a problem not you, and he needs help, but I don't think he will bother getting it, nor changing unless he believes he's possibly lost you and that you are serious.

You need marital counseling, and he needs IC.

You also need to believe you are worth more and seriously believe you won't put up with this behaviour.
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Old 01-23-2013, 09:00 AM   #3 (permalink)
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Default Re: He doesnt want sex with me but with others

Because of his cheating, looking to cheat, no intimacy, and no-sex you are now a wreck, which you weren't before. He is bad news. He cheated less than a year after marriage! That's horrible. It's big of you to forgive him, but this continued behavior is unforgivable. That's great that you are friends but you didn't get married to have a really good friend but a husband. It's time for a divorce. He's not there for you.
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Old 01-23-2013, 09:06 AM   #4 (permalink)
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Default Re: He doesnt want sex with me but with others

What's to understand? You married a dud. He wants to cake eat. He gets a great friend at home while he plays the field having sex with other women.

Who cares WHY he does this? The point is he is does. The bigger question is why are you allowing it to continue?
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Old 01-23-2013, 04:52 PM   #5 (permalink)
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Default Re: He doesnt want sex with me but with others

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Originally Posted by laura987 View Post
I donít understand, my husband of 3 years, we have been together for 8 years, doesnít want sex with me. The last time we had sex was about 8 or 9 months ago. In the last 3 years maybe 3 or 4 times. When we first started dating sex was great and we had sex all the time, Iím now 52 and he is 51, We both donít look or act our age. I understand that sex would slow down but stop? The biggest problem is that he had an affair for the first year of our marriage. I was going to leave but we both decided we would try and work this out, sex just got worse with us. Now he looks at porn and I guess he masturbates, he doesnít want to talk about it. I have tried everything from dressing sexy and my asking and begging for sex, all he says is Iím tired. Not tonight, I have a headache etc.!
Last night I saw where he was on backpage.com and Craigís list looking at the escorts. Iím sure that will be next, I also know that he talks to other woman. He tells me he loves me and heís not sure whatís wrong with him, heís been to the doctor and they can find nothing. Iím sure he has problems with ED but he doesnít try anything with me, I love him but a roommate is not what I was looking for. Is this ever going to get better? Is there hope for this marriage?
I love him with all my heart but I donít understand,I have no self-esteem left. I am starting to feel so empty. We are good friends and do things together but there is no sexual intimacy or even just intimacy
He likes "strange."

When you first met, you were new & exciting to him = lots of sex. His actions - cheating & Craigslist escorts show you that he is unable to be a faithful partner & gets bored very easily with one woman.

I'm sure he loves you very much as a good person, friend & roommate. You can always try marriage counseling as a last resort.
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Old 01-23-2013, 05:01 PM   #6 (permalink)
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Default Re: He doesnt want sex with me but with others

You do not love him - you are used to him, you are desperate to make this work. But it isn't. He has zero respect for you. He does not deserve you.

Get out. Now. And get tested for STD's.
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