Accused of being gay
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Sex in Marriage Sexual problems are common in many relationships. This section is for discussions about sexuality. Please limit discussions to those asking for help with a problem and those offering advice. Any other threads may be deleted.

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Old 01-24-2013, 01:53 PM   #1 (permalink)
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Default Accused of being gay

Shortly after finishing college my girlfriend at the time got a job cooking in a restaurant that happened to be owned by two gay men. I was underemployed at the time and a few months after she began, she told me they needed a bartender and asked if I wanted the job. I'd always wanted the experience of being a bartender and this was my only chance so I took it. Of course, I was around a largely gay crowd. It didn't offend me and I frequently found I could meet girls there as well when they came with their gay friends.

Fast forward a few years. My first prostate exam. I had no idea what it was. The doctor put his finger in my butt, touched my prostate, then said everything was fine. However, once he touched it, it created a sensation similar to ejaculation but without the whole body climax.

Fast forward again and a past girlfriend had gone down on me and she put her finger in my butt on my prostate and the combination was awesome. Very enjoyable.

Now I'm married (to a different girl than the ones above) and one day she was asking me to tell her what I like. I told her about the prostate experience at the doctor's office but left out the blowjob from the prior girlfriend so as not to hurt my wife's feelings.

Now my wife thinks I'm hiding repressed gay feelings and is repulsed by the idea. In fights she frequently brings up the topic of her not having a **** and therefore she can't satisfy me. I know there's nothing wrong with being gay, but when someone gets a notion about you, well, it's hard to change their mind. I've never had a problem in the bedroom with her. I've never looked at gay porn. I don't think about guys, etc...

I'm not looking for a trick or anything like that to prove to her I'm not gay, but I just get tired of having to remind her of the fact over and over, so I'm wondering what you would do if you were me in this situation. And how common around here is the incorporation of prostate-play in the bedroom?

Thanks.
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Old 01-24-2013, 01:56 PM   #2 (permalink)
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Default Re: Accused of being gay

nothing enters my butt. thats a rule
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Old 01-24-2013, 02:02 PM   #3 (permalink)
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Default Re: Accused of being gay

My girlfriend used a vibrating butt plug on me last night. While she sucked me off. I felt like my cum hit the freaking ceiling.

Not the first time, I've always found orgasms to be much more intense with the anal stimulation component.

I'm as straight as they cum but when I get my A$$ stimulated while she's blowing me the orgasms are totally mind blowing.

A$$ stimulation does NOT equate to gayness, the one exception being guys who ask their girlfriends to wear a strapon and screw them in the A$$ because that is a direct emulation of sex with another guy, which is a heck of a lot more than what you told your wife you like done to you.

As far as fixing your problem with her?

She needs an education. Point her to a few websites that talk about guys enjoying anal stimulation and how it has nothing to do with being gay.

She sounds rather closeminded and stubborn, but you gotta try.
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Old 01-24-2013, 02:03 PM   #4 (permalink)
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Default Accused of being gay

Lots and lots of men love a finger up there, or small vibrating toy, or just simply massaging the spot between the *hole and the testicles.

It has nothing to do with being gay or not. It makes an orgasm more intense and it feels good to a lot of men.

Mine included. And I assure you he isn't gay. (Not that there's anything wrong with that)
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Old 01-24-2013, 02:04 PM   #5 (permalink)
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Default Re: Accused of being gay

She is just looking for a quick way to hurt you, most people have heard of this kind of thing. So maybe its just out of her comfort zone.
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Old 01-24-2013, 02:08 PM   #6 (permalink)
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Default Re: Accused of being gay

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Originally Posted by rushmore View Post
I'm not looking for a trick or anything like that to prove to her I'm not gay, but I just get tired of having to remind her of the fact over and over, so I'm wondering what you would do if you were me in this situation. And how common around here is the incorporation of prostate-play in the bedroom?
Taking into account that you worked in a place that you say was a predominately gay crowd, and considering that when asked, you honestly told her that you liked the feeling you got at a prostate exam, I'd say she gets a free pass on having the 'are you gay' discussion one time, not twice, not thee times, once, anything after that and she'd be walking on very, very thin ice.

T
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Old 01-24-2013, 02:19 PM   #7 (permalink)
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Default Re: Accused of being gay

Add me to the list. I wish my wife would stimulate my prostate.
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Old 01-24-2013, 02:25 PM   #8 (permalink)
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Taking into account that you worked in a place that you say was a predominately gay crowd, and considering that when asked, you honestly told her that you liked the feeling you got at a prostate exam, I'd say she gets a free pass on having the 'are you gay' discussion one time, not twice, not thee times, once, anything after that and she'd be walking on very, very thin ice.

T
The man has a point. Including that you worked in a gay restaurant. It was certainly not your "only chance" to get a job as a bartender. Unless you applied at every bar within reasonable driving distance and exhausted all options. But you didn't, you were offered a job at a gay bar and you snapped it right up.

As far as the medical visit goes..

It's one thing to have your prostate stimulated by a girl while she's blowing you. A feeling close to orgasm in a medical office with a guy's finger up there?

Unless the prostate doc was a chick and you meant to write "she" instead of "he".

I'm having second thoughts on this one.
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Old 01-24-2013, 02:27 PM   #9 (permalink)
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Default Re: Accused of being gay

After reading about prostate massage on here, I asked my hubby if he'd like me to try it, and got a resounding NO FREAKING WAY from him. He also thinks it's something only gay guys like. That's like saying only gay women like dildos.

If your wife is throwing this in your face all the time, tell her to google it and educate herself. If she still throws it in your face, get a new wife.
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Old 01-24-2013, 02:52 PM   #10 (permalink)
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Default Re: Accused of being gay

Dude, unless you hid from your wife that you got BJs from other women, why the hell would you omit that from the whole thing? Seriously, you should have said "well, there was one girl who did this when she gave be a BJ and it was an amazing experience. I'd like to experience that with you."... instead, you focused on what was done in the doctor's office and that you worked for two gay guys, and that most of the clientele were gay. By omitting the gf, you helped her leap to that conclusion.
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Old 01-24-2013, 02:58 PM   #11 (permalink)
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Default Re: Accused of being gay

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Originally Posted by rushmore View Post
Shortly after finishing college my girlfriend at the time got a job cooking in a restaurant that happened to be owned by two gay men. I was underemployed at the time and a few months after she began, she told me they needed a bartender and asked if I wanted the job. I'd always wanted the experience of being a bartender and this was my only chance so I took it. Of course, I was around a largely gay crowd. It didn't offend me and I frequently found I could meet girls there as well when they came with their gay friends.

Fast forward a few years. My first prostate exam. I had no idea what it was. The doctor put his finger in my butt, touched my prostate, then said everything was fine. However, once he touched it, it created a sensation similar to ejaculation but without the whole body climax.

Fast forward again and a past girlfriend had gone down on me and she put her finger in my butt on my prostate and the combination was awesome. Very enjoyable.

Now I'm married (to a different girl than the ones above) and one day she was asking me to tell her what I like. I told her about the prostate experience at the doctor's office but left out the blowjob from the prior girlfriend so as not to hurt my wife's feelings.

Now my wife thinks I'm hiding repressed gay feelings and is repulsed by the idea. In fights she frequently brings up the topic of her not having a **** and therefore she can't satisfy me. I know there's nothing wrong with being gay, but when someone gets a notion about you, well, it's hard to change their mind. I've never had a problem in the bedroom with her. I've never looked at gay porn. I don't think about guys, etc...

I'm not looking for a trick or anything like that to prove to her I'm not gay, but I just get tired of having to remind her of the fact over and over, so I'm wondering what you would do if you were me in this situation. And how common around here is the incorporation of prostate-play in the bedroom?

Thanks.
Your wife is totally over reacting, there are more than a few straight men who like to have a prostrate massage during OS. There is nothing gay about it, and there is nothing wrong with being gay.

She needs to better educated herself on what makes many men happy. She asked you a question and you told her what you liked. This is not abnormal, she is either a prude or clueless. My wife use to do this from time to time for me and it was quite a pleasure.

You need to have a long talk with her about sexuality and what parts of a man's body are stimulating. Do not let her beat you up about a simple pleasure of a prostrate massage.
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Old 01-24-2013, 03:01 PM   #12 (permalink)
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Default Re: Accused of being gay

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Originally Posted by Maricha75 View Post
Dude, unless you hid from your wife that you got BJs from other women, why the hell would you omit that from the whole thing? Seriously, you should have said "well, there was one girl who did this when she gave be a BJ and it was an amazing experience. I'd like to experience that with you."... instead, you focused on what was done in the doctor's office and that you worked for two gay guys, and that most of the clientele were gay. By omitting the gf, you helped her leap to that conclusion.
True. Yet another post on this thread that has me reversing my original stance.

This part of your post that the above poster refers to, makes no sense whatsoever upon further review:

Quote:
Originally Posted by rushmore View Post
I told her about the prostate experience at the doctor's office but left out the blowjob from the prior girlfriend so as not to hurt my wife's feelings.
Why would you think that telling her about a sexual experience with a past girlfriend that you enjoyed would "hurt her feelings"? She ASKED you what you'd like her to do! Of course she knows she's not the first girl you were with and obviously any sexual experiences that you enjoyed would have been with someone else! She's openly communicating with you, trying to find out what works for you sexually and you come up with "a male doctor stuck his finger in my butt and I almost had an orgasm".

I see her point.

Especially given the history of working in the gay restaurant and the rather lame excuse that it was the only job offer you had.

I'm also thinking that you might have to ask yourself some hard questions.

Pun intended.
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Old 01-24-2013, 07:17 PM   #13 (permalink)
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Default Re: Accused of being gay

Tell her the old girlfriend blow job story...

There's a straight up double standard between men and women and "the acceptability of experience" (and as a woman I completely accept this)

If I seriously thought my guy was gay...I'd be happy to hear about past exploits with ex-girlfriends to reassure me otherwise
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Old 01-24-2013, 09:04 PM   #14 (permalink)
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This is the same wife who told you to sleep on the couch for 3 days for enjoying point-of-view porn, right?

This is another sh!t test. Make up something outrageous and see how many times she can insult you before you slap her down.

I suggest you put her in her place.
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Old 01-24-2013, 09:25 PM   #15 (permalink)
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Or send her here and we can slap her down!!
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