I think you made a huge mistake. And I'm not talking about the cheating. While I don't condone it, I understand the reasoning. But then when you got caught you threw out the reasoning and caved to your wife. She wants to enforce celibacy on you and that is just wrong. When she says she's happy the way things are, I assume you mean that she's still not having sex with you. I would think that once everything is out in the open the choices you give her are either she puts out, or you continue getting it elsewhere, divorce or not. Because forcing you to be celibate is clearly abusive.
You are mostly right and I think she would "put out" given the hard choice of divorce and losing her otherwise comfortable situation. And I agree that forced celibacy on a spouse is abuse ... whether it is intended to be such (think common to punish guys this way from what I read) or not (guess in my case this is so ... she is just very low drive). This is especially true when there are big unanticipated changes being made (such as on marriage).
BUT there is another issue. Do you really want an unwilling spouse putting out just so you stay married? At that level things are not much different than masturbation. That strikes me as not so appealing. I like to please my partner. Ironically, my wife has no issues in liking the act as it has been/is (very infrequent) but that would have likely changed with the issue forced since she is not the type to like things imposed and does not hide sentiments.
Question: do you often respond this way to your wife? And do you think it's possible that your weak response is why she doesn't have sex with you in the first place?
Could be. Though things were not different before and after marriage to trigger such a change. I probably always cater to her too much and she just started doing what she wanted with the official contract
Generally speaking though, many women clearly like more alpha-dog type guys. It is probably something wired in biologically via evolution and survival of offspring in more primitive conditions. While not being pushy and catering her too much, I am not otherwise that un-macho though. Like you (guess from your pic), I mountain climb and many other such things in more extreme ranges (like climbing vertical multi-pitch ice etc). She does not partake in any such things, and would probably die of a heart attack on things that I would not feel any stress over.
Nevertheless, reading these discussions has given me some good ideas in how to better address things in the near future without cheating again which I fully agree is a not so good approach. But people are all so different one must be careful about applying logic of others to our own situations.