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Sex in Marriage Sexual problems are common in many relationships. This section is for discussions about sexuality. Please limit discussions to those asking for help with a problem and those offering advice. Any other threads may be deleted.

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Old 02-14-2013, 06:35 AM   #16 (permalink)
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Old 02-14-2013, 06:50 AM   #17 (permalink)
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Sorry for the multiple posts, keep thinking of things that may help....
....I'd keep your info. private from his father in case he would want to 'help' his son and by that I mean NOT turn him in. OK, that's all, will wait for the many replies that im sure you'll get before i post again. Good Luck with everything!!!
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Old 02-14-2013, 08:28 AM   #18 (permalink)
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This is why back a long time ago when I looked at porn, I never even clicked anything that had the word "teen" in it. It doesn't matter that some of the those girls are actually 18 and over, the fact that someone is even interested in the word "teen" says there is a problem to me. As the others have said, it might be a good idea to talk with someone about this ASAP.
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Old 02-14-2013, 08:48 AM   #19 (permalink)
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I'm sorry you're going through this. However if it were me, 14 and 18 would have probably triggered something for me then. I'm sure you overlooked that, since you were probably in love. Anyway, I hope you get out of this situation and deffo get your kids checked out.
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Old 02-14-2013, 09:17 AM   #20 (permalink)
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There is nothing wrong with maybe telling the authorities (and mobile carrier) that you 'honestly' saw him doing something disturbing on his phone if you can't reveal the spyware. Also, does he use cellular data or wifi? If wifi, where and what service (internet provider may be able to help)? What part of the globe are you at? This will help those who want to help you here research what the laws/rights are that you have.
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He uses private browsing and cellular data on his iPhone. I live in MS. He also has encrypting software on his computer and a program to zip, or compress files. I just though he was using it for the games he downloads. He always downloads programs to clean/delete things. I am such an idiot for not realizing these things.
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Old 02-14-2013, 10:05 AM   #21 (permalink)
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Thanks for the reply!

OK, you're in MS. I would contact the most near large or county police (small town PDs lack resources and knowledge). Ask specifically for the internet crimes officer/division. They, along with whatever D.A. they consult with will be MORE than interested in kiddie-porn. Anybody who views it and provides/shares it get prosecuted. They (police and D.A.) can easily get records from phone carriers and now that we know his computer is involved, his internet provider records. Uses cell data on his cpu?...NO problem!! A computer has a MAC address. If police are serious and have even a trace of evidence the devices will be confiscated.

Iphone, is it jailbroken? If so, you could put spyware on it (same with the computer I suppose also). I'd start with the PD and explain that you still live together and discretion is a must for the time-being.

Does he work? Can you access the computer? Get a flash drive (32 or 64 gb) and copy all compressed and other suspicious files that aren't system files. May help the PD and your cause for knowledge. Access the iphone? Back-up the phone to itunes and copy that as well.

One last thing, tread cautiously! These people know what they are doing is illegal so, for safety's sake, dont snoop if there's a chance H is nearby. He has everything to lose at this point and if he's aware, not only will your H better cover his tracks, who knows what else a criminal may do.
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Old 02-14-2013, 11:04 AM   #22 (permalink)
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Just be careful with what terms he is using that are offending. Things like teen, young, virgin, barely legal, lolita, little girls, schoolgirls are not going to be illegal, distasteful to many, but not illegal . Pre-teen yes even in states with ridiculously low age of consents. 14 in some states, that is nuts.

Friend of a friend story, but this guy ordered some DVD online and got 5 years in club fed. He had a wife and kid. Get out ASAP.
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Old 02-14-2013, 11:19 AM   #23 (permalink)
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Please make sure he is actually looking at underage porn first. Not sure how to tell you to do that unless you got the police involved. Maybe you could go to them saying you suspect it, but you're not 100% for sure. Its an awful crime to commit or be accused of, so first make sure that is exactly what it is.

There are many porn sites out there with the word "teen" in it, or "young girls" etc, and they are actually of age, 18 and older but made to look younger. I have never come across a site though that says "preteen". Although I'm sure there are many sites like that. It very well could be that he has a problem and that he is looking for things like that. BUT it could also be he isn't and thats the wording of the sites.

Go to the police, someone that specializes in cyber crimes, etc, tell them your concern. It could be they can look at the computer/phone and tell you what you need to know. Also be prepared that if in fact they tell you yes he is looking at underage girls, that he could be carted off to jail. If he isn't then they will tell you he is just looking at sites with girls who just look younger than they are.
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Old 02-14-2013, 11:50 AM   #24 (permalink)
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Please make sure he is actually looking at underage porn first. Not sure how to tell you to do that unless you got the police involved. Maybe you could go to them saying you suspect it, but you're not 100% for sure. Its an awful crime to commit or be accused of, so first make sure that is exactly what it is.

There are many porn sites out there with the word "teen" in it, or "young girls" etc, and they are actually of age, 18 and older but made to look younger. I have never come across a site though that says "preteen". Although I'm sure there are many sites like that. It very well could be that he has a problem and that he is looking for things like that. BUT it could also be he isn't and thats the wording of the sites.

Go to the police, someone that specializes in cyber crimes, etc, tell them your concern. It could be they can look at the computer/phone and tell you what you need to know. Also be prepared that if in fact they tell you yes he is looking at underage girls, that he could be carted off to jail. If he isn't then they will tell you he is just looking at sites with girls who just look younger than they are.
I like this. You do need to make sure looking at illegal porn and not just looking it up. I feel for you. I have 3 kids and would be concerned for them as we'll. If he's looking at illegal porn the cops may be on to him already. They don't play around here in MS.
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Old 04-07-2013, 08:12 PM   #25 (permalink)
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Default Re: Husband looking for preteen porn.

I know the first thing people do is get hysterical, but keep in mind that what someone looks at is not necessarily what they're going to go for in real life.

I have looked at furries, grandmas, scat, and a lot of other stuff on the net just out of curiosity. None of those things excite me in the least. But, I am a curious person. I don't want to see brain surgery again, but I have seen it.

And, sometimes people look at porn that they shouldn't be looking at because they know it's illegal... the thrill of breaking the law surreptitiously is more of a thrill than the content.

But, since you felt the need to put a keylogger on his phone it seems like your relationship has moved well beyond saving, regardless of what you found on his computer.
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Old 04-07-2013, 08:29 PM   #26 (permalink)
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I know the first thing people do is get hysterical, but keep in mind that what someone looks at is not necessarily what they're going to go for in real life.

I have looked at furries, grandmas, scat, and a lot of other stuff on the net just out of curiosity. None of those things excite me in the least. But, I am a curious person. I don't want to see brain surgery again, but I have seen it.

And, sometimes people look at porn that they shouldn't be looking at because they know it's illegal... the thrill of breaking the law surreptitiously is more of a thrill than the content.

But, since you felt the need to put a keylogger on his phone it seems like your relationship has moved well beyond saving, regardless of what you found on his computer.
Respectfully sir,
I don't think you get it.

You see, there's an old saying that goes like this:
"...By beholding [ looking] we become changed.."

So, you look at hairy porn, you might just want your SO to grow some hair.....No problem there.

You look at Grandma porn, you might just be tempted to try a grandma who might also be willing.....No real problem there.

You look at scat , you might want to try eating some sh!t.....No problem there.

You look at Gay porn, and mightr be temptes to try it at least once with another willing male, many men often do. Doesn't mean they are gay, or so some people think...No problem.

However, you look at teen or undera ged porn, you get the urge to try it, because lets be honest, it turns you on.....BIG ,BIG PROBLEM!
Many childern and people are trying to piece their lives back together again , because some man had the urge to try something, * new * on them ,
" for the thrill of breaking the law..."
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Old 04-07-2013, 08:32 PM   #27 (permalink)
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Respectfully sir,
I don't think you get it.
I do get it. A spouse has every right to be concerned over his/her spouse looking at illegal materials online. A spouse also has the right to not have keyloggers placed on his/her equipment, due to the trust good relationships are built upon.

This relationship seems to be at an end. I so also think it is wise to carefully evaluate the situation if there are children involved, because some people do go after them in real life when there is evidence that they look at such materials.

The point I was making is that what someone looks at online does not necessarily translate to what they will go after in real life. The fact that I've seen furries and granny porn does not mean I'm going to go after people in fur suits or grandmas at the mall.

People frequently have difficulty separating fantasy from reality and there can be a very large division between them. This is, for instance, why the US Supreme Court ruled that it's legal for adults to look at drawings involving child porn.
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Old 04-07-2013, 08:40 PM   #28 (permalink)
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people frequently have difficulty separating fantasy from reality....
....full stop.
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Old 04-07-2013, 08:43 PM   #29 (permalink)
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....full stop.
That was my point, so I assume you now agree that I do "get it".

I see that you expanded your post above. The reasoning doesn't add up. Just because someone sees something online doesn't mean they're going to be more inclined to do it. I am no more inclined to sleep with grannies than I was before I saw granny porn. Furry porn was even more wretched than I anticipated going in.

Heterosexual men frequently do "gay for pay" in the porn business. They have gay sex in porn films because it pays better. Since actually having gay sex doesn't turn them into gay men, your point is disproved. Gay men marry women and, try as they might, remain gay, too.

Some people browse the Internet out of boredom, looking at all kinds of odd stuff. Some people don't understand why anyone would do that. People are different. It is a big assumption to assume that just because someone looks at something or reads something that they are something.

The key is to find a pattern of behavior over time. That is what helps to establish an identity. If she can prove a pattern of pedophilia then her case will be a lot stronger.

Last edited by superstition; 04-07-2013 at 08:49 PM.
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Old 04-07-2013, 08:56 PM   #30 (permalink)
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Just be careful with what terms he is using that are offending. Things like teen, young, virgin, barely legal, lolita, little girls, schoolgirls are not going to be illegal, distasteful to many, but not illegal . Pre-teen yes even in states with ridiculously low age of consents. 14 in some states, that is nuts.
Any sexual photographs or video of anyone under 18 violates US federal law. It may be legal in some states to have sex with a 15 y/o girl, but take pictures and it's a federal felony.
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