Husband looking for preteen porn. - Page 3
 Talk About Marriage
  The Marriage Advice and Relationship Help Forums
  right
Forums - For Therapists - Link to Us - Advertise  

    A Public Forum Provided by The Family & Marriage Counseling Directory
Register FAQ Community Search Today's Posts Mark Forums Read

Navigation »Talk About Marriage »Focused Topics »Sex in Marriage » Husband looking for preteen porn.

Sex in Marriage Sexual problems are common in many relationships. This section is for discussions about sexuality. Please limit discussions to those asking for help with a problem and those offering advice. Any other threads may be deleted.

Like Tree52Likes

Reply
 
LinkBack Thread Tools Search this Thread
Old 04-07-2013, 08:00 PM   #31 (permalink)
Registered User
 
Join Date: Apr 2013
Posts: 8
Default Re: Husband looking for preteen porn.

Quote:
Originally Posted by larry.gray View Post
Any sexual photographs or video of anyone under 18 violates US federal law. It may be legal in some states to have sex with a 15 y/o girl, but take pictures and it's a federal felony.
The legal code definitely needs to be improved. 18 year olds are being dubbed "predators" for sexting with their 16 year old girlfriends.

Destroying Kids to Save Them (From Sex) | Psychology Today
superstition is offline   Reply With Quote
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
Old 04-07-2013, 08:48 PM   #32 (permalink)
Member
 
CuddleBug's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: Canada
Posts: 1,887
Default Re: Husband looking for preteen porn.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Tryintoef View Post
I posted a few days ago about my husband not ever wanting sex, and acting uninterested in it. I thought he was cheating, so I put a keylogger on his phone. Today while I was visiting my grandma that just had surgery he searched for "young porn" "preteen porn" and "teen porn" he is 25. When I was 14 and he was 18 (when we first got together) he did look for preteen porn. I asked him why he used his streaming minutes and he said he didn't and I must have by accident. Btw he was looking at it for 30+ minutes. He doesn't last 2 minutes in bed. I didn't tell him about the keylogger. I don't know what websites he visited, or how long this has been going on or how serious it is. I am worried. I have two small children. What do I do?
Posted via Mobile Device



Wow, now that's a shocker. He needs help.

Getting the divorce ASAP, probably a great idea.

Is he a secret child molester and has he already molested your children????

When I occasionally view porn, I look at women, 20's, 30's, 40's......women.

Pre-teen porn........get out like yesterday!!

The only thing I can think of, since you were 14 when you met him, having sex, he may be looking at 13 - 14 year old girls? But at age 25, he should be looking at women, 20's, 30's, etc.......pre-teen is just wrong on all levels.

Maybe it was a one time thing and that's it? Can you be sure?



Now if he was looking at 18+ year olds, old enough to have finished highschool, drivers license, get a FT job, college or University, move out on their own, then 18+ is just fine, but not younger, in the western world anyways. In the middle east and India, its normal to have pre-arranged marriages and the girls are very young and the men are a lot older.
CuddleBug is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 04-07-2013, 09:17 PM   #33 (permalink)
Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2012
Posts: 288
Default Re: Husband looking for preteen porn.

WOW... I know I'm going to be the only one with this opinion.. but here it goes..

First either he's a monster or a person with a problem who can be helped. These people have no clue which one he is but you might have a better idea.

Sounds like he's the monster type by your readiness to destroy him. Is he a human being with no value or someone you actually care about that you would like to get help?..

Maybe he needs HELP not jail. You don't think he can be cured of this fantasy? Take away the fantasy and he may lose the desire. Individual counselling PERHAPS? Psychiatry? You think the police will help him? HAH. anyone who thinks that is DUMB. They'll fry him.

ALSO there exist certain sexual deviants who are VOYEURS ONLY and who would never actually engage in anything of the sort that they VIEW.

Don't send the father of your children to jail when he hasn't physically mistreated anyone... (YET you say).. Ok well I think you should confront him and not let him off the hook. Force him to get help under threat of going to authorities. Give him the choice. At least you can do it with your loyalty intact if he refuses.

OR... you could just completely destroy his life and leave him no hope for a decent relationship with his children, no hope of any career, forever registered as a sex offender and a stigma that will follow him wherever he goes for the rest of his life. I think Id rather off myself then live that life.

F-CK people... why is it the only solution in America to throw people in jail? Help him don't destroy him if there's a chance he hasn't crossed that threshold!!!

If there is ONE person in this world that should have his back its you, his wife.

Clearly if you're willing to do that to him and throw him under the bus without getting him help then you don't love him or you know something we dont?!?!. Has he given you any other reason not to trust him with your children?

If you think he is beyond hope because of other information you're not sharing then please... tell us why... because there is no info on here for anyone to make that claim at this point.
HappyHubby is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 04-07-2013, 09:33 PM   #34 (permalink)
Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: Texas
Posts: 1,471
Default Re: Husband looking for preteen porn.

I'm guessing HappyHubby doesn't have any daughters.
SunnyT is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 04-07-2013, 09:50 PM   #35 (permalink)
Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2012
Posts: 288
Default Re: Husband looking for preteen porn.

True. I don't. Would that change my viewpoint? It might. I really can't say. I also try to think logically and with compassion for everyone... including those at whom others cast their stones. He might be a decade away from ever being capable of acting on it. Helping him now could be just as safe an option as police.

I just think that the best option would be for him to get help without being publicly outed and thrown in jail.

That could do some damage to the kids too don't you think?
HappyHubby is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 04-07-2013, 09:53 PM   #36 (permalink)
Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2012
Posts: 288
Default Re: Husband looking for preteen porn.

Also it seems (and Im just guessing) he is into the 12,13,14,15 yr old range... young girls at the beginning of their biological sexuality. If so, then it's not little children so there may be no danger to your young children whatsoever. Your children's babysitters on the other hand...
HappyHubby is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 04-07-2013, 09:57 PM   #37 (permalink)
Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2012
Posts: 288
Default Re: Husband looking for preteen porn.

I think you should have a private discussion with a professional sex therapist who deals with these kinds of things to get a better understanding of the spectrum of deviancy that you're dealing with. That expert may be able to help you identify where your husband fits, what the danger level is. Maybe that therapist will be the person to fix your husband, (if your husband is willing to admit to the problem of course) .
HappyHubby is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 04-07-2013, 10:44 PM   #38 (permalink)
Forum Supporter
 
EleGirl's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: New Mexico
Posts: 16,556
Default Re: Husband looking for preteen porn.

Quote:
Originally Posted by superstition View Post
That was my point, so I assume you now agree that I do "get it".

I see that you expanded your post above. The reasoning doesn't add up. Just because someone sees something online doesn't mean they're going to be more inclined to do it. I am no more inclined to sleep with grannies than I was before I saw granny porn. Furry porn was even more wretched than I anticipated going in.

Heterosexual men frequently do "gay for pay" in the porn business. They have gay sex in porn films because it pays better. Since actually having gay sex doesn't turn them into gay men, your point is disproved. Gay men marry women and, try as they might, remain gay, too.

Some people browse the Internet out of boredom, looking at all kinds of odd stuff. Some people don't understand why anyone would do that. People are different. It is a big assumption to assume that just because someone looks at something or reads something that they are something.

The key is to find a pattern of behavior over time. That is what helps to establish an identity. If she can prove a pattern of pedophilia then her case will be a lot stronger.
Anyone who views porn that involves under aged children is engaging in an illegal act. They are supporting, and thus participating in, the sexual abuse of children. If no one viewed it, it would not be on the internet. If it was not on the internet, thousands fewer children would be abused each year to make that trash.

There is no excuse for viewing child porn, none what so ever.
__________________
Surviving An Affair - What Are Plan A and Plan B? 180 for Betrayed Spouses


To Create A Passionate Marriage - Five Steps to Romantic Love His Needs, Her Needs Love Busters
EleGirl is online now   Reply With Quote
Old 04-08-2013, 01:39 AM   #39 (permalink)
Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2012
Posts: 288
Default Re: Husband looking for preteen porn.

Quote:
Originally Posted by EleGirl View Post
Anyone who views porn that involves under aged children is engaging in an illegal act. They are supporting, and thus participating in, the sexual abuse of children. If no one viewed it, it would not be on the internet. If it was not on the internet, thousands fewer children would be abused each year to make that trash.

There is no excuse for viewing child porn, none what so ever.
I agree it is absolutely wrong to support or create this stuff and very unhealthy to be sexually drawn to it... but take a walk down logic lane with me for a sec...

You assume the reason people abuse children is to put it on the internet. This is likely not the case. They abuse them because they are scum and would do it in privacy without the pics and videos if there was no internet.. like 30 years ago.

I bet the frequency was the same right before the internet but it was not in the open.

I could be wrong! but this is a question that would require some data and scientific inquiry.

The marginal effect on children of OP's husband looking at a picture is zero IF he does NOT redistribute it to a single person and does NOT pay anything for it (which creates a profit incentive) .

IF!! this is the case (and im in hypothetical land here) he is not harming or supporting the harming of children. This is pure logic. His issue in this case would be a mental problem for which he needs help. And yes he needs help because what he's doing is very destructive and illegal.
HappyHubby is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 04-08-2013, 01:45 AM   #40 (permalink)
Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2012
Posts: 288
Default Re: Husband looking for preteen porn.

This is actually a very interesting ethical question...

try this hypothetical situation..

A young man is walking along the road when he comes upon a naked picture of a young girl.. say 13. He picks it up and brings it home as it excited him. He masturbates to it and feels guilty but hides it away in a secret place. He has never met the girl, never will. he didnt create it and he never gets caught. He never harms anyone throughout his whole life and never does anything inappropriate with any underage people. He keeps the photo for a year before destroying it by fire.

Did this man act immorally/unethically? Support with arguments..

If you answer no.. try to extend that to the internet like I did above. Is there a difference? could be.. what do you think?

If you answered yes, explain.

Any takers?
HappyHubby is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 04-08-2013, 04:30 AM   #41 (permalink)
Member
 
daisygirl 41's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 1,977
Default Re: Husband looking for preteen porn.

What you need to establish is whether the images are actually of children or porn actresses pretending to be children. If it is the latter then it's not illegal. If he's looking at child pornography then his bags should already be packed and the police called.
Posted via Mobile Device
daisygirl 41 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 04-08-2013, 04:46 AM   #42 (permalink)
Member
 
Theseus's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: Missouri
Posts: 1,452
Default Re: Husband looking for preteen porn.

Quote:
Originally Posted by EleGirl View Post
There is no excuse for viewing child porn, none what so ever.
I agree with that, but Googling the words "preteen porn" is not the same thing as viewing porn.

You can call the police, but unless they happen to stumble across something else, it isn't going to go anywhere legally. Before calling the SWAT team or the FBI, I would rather find evidence of him actually viewing or producing child porn, or molesting kids.
Theseus is online now   Reply With Quote
Old 04-08-2013, 08:08 AM   #43 (permalink)
Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2013
Posts: 58
Default Re: Husband looking for preteen porn.

I'm sure I'll get lots of flack about this post but here it goes. Girls have been married for thousands of years at 14 and up and at times younger if they could indeed become pregnant. It is engineered into a man to look at any female who has breasts, a nice butt, and a womanly form.

Granted, many 14 year olds and even 15 year olds do not have this going for them since they haven't matured yet. The fact is, most all men have had a girl underage when we were dating as in guy is 17 or 18 and girl is 15 or 16, etc.

My girlfriend and now wife was 15 when I met her and I was 18. We find NOTHING wrong with this picture but yet if someone 18 even looks at naked pictures of a 15 year old, we cry foul as a society. Does this make any sense?

The female body was made to be beautiful and pleasant to the male eye. God never stated a certain age at which beauty started. We all know that women are ready for marriage according to thousands of years of history shortly after she gets her period. While I CERTAINLY don't condone that in most any of today's society's, why do we think that we can somehow know better in only two hundred or so years what is the correct age at which nakedness and sex should be appropriate for girls?

These are real questions and while certain parts of society have spoken and made it LAW for all others, it doesn't make it the right stance. As for preteen porn, anyone who views such things is perverted to an extreme and I believe has something wrong with them. If your husband is in fact viewing preteen porn, you should definitely talk to him, and if he doesn't stop, report him.

The discourse above is for consideration. We have become too much like robots. If you were to put guys ages (20 to 25) into a room and put up pictures of a 16 year old dressed very sexy and an 18 year old dressed very sexy, do you think that somehow they would only be aroused by the girls who are 18?

There is much to be said for the appropriate age of sexuality for a girl and I believe that basically, it depends on the girl and NOT what the STATE mandate says is normal or okay.

What are your thoughts?
Mark Ford is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 04-08-2013, 09:23 AM   #44 (permalink)
Forum Supporter
 
EleGirl's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: New Mexico
Posts: 16,556
Default Re: Husband looking for preteen porn.

Quote:
Originally Posted by HappyHubby View Post
I agree it is absolutely wrong to support or create this stuff and very unhealthy to be sexually drawn to it... but take a walk down logic lane with me for a sec...

You assume the reason people abuse children is to put it on the internet. This is likely not the case. They abuse them because they are scum and would do it in privacy without the pics and videos if there was no internet.. like 30 years ago.
I did not say that the ONLY reason people sexually abuse children is to put it on the internet. That would be a down right stupid assumption.

What I did say and know for a fact is that because there is a market for porn involving underaged children, people produce it. Every time someone produces porn involving a child... a child is abused. If there were no market for this, FEWER children would be abused.
Quote:
Originally Posted by HappyHubby View Post
I bet the frequency was the same right before the internet but it was not in the open.

I could be wrong! but this is a question that would require some data and scientific inquiry.
You are wrong on this. I have read studies and reports that state that because of the internet child porn industry, the use of children in porn is up may times what it was years ago before it was so easy to MAKE MONEY off of child porn.
Quote:
Originally Posted by HappyHubby View Post
The marginal effect on children of OP's husband looking at a picture is zero IF he does NOT redistribute it to a single person and does NOT pay anything for it (which creates a profit incentive) .
So since one person looking at child porn has a small marginal effect on the abuse of children for the purpose of producing porn, we should not concern ourselves with anyone who views child porn. After all they are only one person. Got it.
Quote:
Originally Posted by HappyHubby View Post
IF!! this is the case (and im in hypothetical land here) he is not harming or supporting the harming of children. This is pure logic. His issue in this case would be a mental problem for which he needs help. And yes he needs help because what he's doing is very destructive and illegal.
Yes his issue is a mental problem. My post was not addressing the OP’s case in particular. I was addressing someone who posted that there is no problem with anyone viewing child porn as it was simply a curiosity.
__________________
Surviving An Affair - What Are Plan A and Plan B? 180 for Betrayed Spouses


To Create A Passionate Marriage - Five Steps to Romantic Love His Needs, Her Needs Love Busters

Last edited by EleGirl; 04-08-2013 at 09:31 AM.
EleGirl is online now   Reply With Quote
Old 04-08-2013, 09:31 AM   #45 (permalink)
Forum Supporter
 
EleGirl's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: New Mexico
Posts: 16,556
Default Re: Husband looking for preteen porn.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Theseus View Post
I agree with that, but Googling the words "preteen porn" is not the same thing as viewing porn.

You can call the police, but unless they happen to stumble across something else, it isn't going to go anywhere legally. Before calling the SWAT team or the FBI, I would rather find evidence of him actually viewing or producing child porn, or molesting kids.
I did not suggest that the OP call the police on her husband. If you want to take this up with someone who did suggest that the OP call the police, then please do.
__________________
Surviving An Affair - What Are Plan A and Plan B? 180 for Betrayed Spouses


To Create A Passionate Marriage - Five Steps to Romantic Love His Needs, Her Needs Love Busters
EleGirl is online now   Reply With Quote
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
Reply

Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off


Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
My husband looks at porn.... Gemini11 Sex in Marriage 121 05-17-2013 11:21 PM
Husband and porn helpme123 The Ladies' Lounge 19 08-24-2012 07:17 PM
Talking to preteen about sex... hurtingbadly Coping with Infidelity 4 07-06-2012 11:05 AM
Husband & Porn meggin Sex in Marriage 3 11-25-2010 12:30 PM
husband is looking at porn rysmomma Considering Divorce or Separation 25 10-23-2009 07:04 AM

Member Area

Find a Therapist:


Sponsor Ads


Sponsor Ads




Get The Family & Marriage Counseling Directory Help Guide via Email:
Name:
Email:




All times are GMT -5. The time now is 01:05 PM.



Copyright 2007 - 2013 © Talk About Marriage