My wife doesn't like oral or foreplay.
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Sex in Marriage Sexual problems are common in many relationships. This section is for discussions about sexuality. Please limit discussions to those asking for help with a problem and those offering advice. Any other threads may be deleted.

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Old 02-14-2013, 10:01 PM   #1 (permalink)
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Default My wife doesn't like oral or foreplay.

Hello,

My wife and I have been married for just about 2 years and have been together for over 3. Ever since we have been together oral sex and foreplay have been a huge issue on her part. I mean she defintily doesn't have a problem performing it but receiving it is another story.
When we first got together I thought it was a phase since we hadnt been together that long. However, till this day she wont even let me use my fingers on. The reason why I am asking for adivice is because I enjoy performing oral, it is turing our once great sex life into something mechanical, and I feel that there is something that isnt telling me, maybe a bad experience.

My question(s): Is her feeling towards oral ever going to change? Is there anything that can be done on my part to make it enjoyable? I might not be asking the right questions but if anyone has any advice I am open to suggestions.
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Old 02-14-2013, 10:07 PM   #2 (permalink)
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Default My wife doesn't like oral or foreplay.

Well I've been married 20 years and your describing the last 15 to a tee. Me and you are in the same miserable boat. I think its quite selfish to give oral sex and never receive it. She is neglecting you of the joys pleasing her while you are not neglecting her joy of pleasing you. Is there abuse in her past?

Last edited by MrBrains; 02-14-2013 at 10:11 PM.
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Old 02-14-2013, 10:23 PM   #3 (permalink)
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Well I've been married 20 years and your describing the last 15 to a tee. Me and you are in the same miserable boat. I think its quite selfish to give oral sex and never receive it. She is neglecting you of the joys pleasing her while you are not neglecting her joy of pleasing you. Is there abuse in her past?
How old is she?
Has she ever let you go down on her?
If she has let you did she orgasm when you gave her oral sex?
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Old 02-15-2013, 01:12 AM   #4 (permalink)
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Default Re: My wife doesn't like oral or foreplay.

Been married for 13+ years and my wifee is a larger woman and insecure about her body, so when I initially wanted to give her oral, NOPE!!! Now when I go to give her oral, she still on occasion pushes me away but I push her hands away and proceed to give her oral anyway. She never complains. Some women are insecure and don't want you down there, were as most love it and wish they had it more..........
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Old 02-15-2013, 01:56 AM   #5 (permalink)
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Default Re: My wife doesn't like oral or foreplay.

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Well I've been married 20 years and your describing the last 15 to a tee. Me and you are in the same miserable boat. I think its quite selfish to give oral sex and never receive it. She is neglecting you of the joys pleasing her while you are not neglecting her joy of pleasing you. Is there abuse in her past?
Just about the same here. Just really doesn't like it. To intense, would rather have me inside her. After kids nipples are to sensitive for much play. Just not a lot left to work with. Kiss her and rub her back. That is about it.

Kind of have to take the attitude well I still like a variety of things, sorry you don't, let me know if you ever want me to something for you, meanwhile I still want a BJ and for you to try new things on me.

I just worry that this is going to cause problems.
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Old 02-15-2013, 02:38 AM   #6 (permalink)
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Default Re: My wife doesn't like oral or foreplay.

Your wife doesn't like to be touched, but is happy to touch you? Your wife doesn't like you to go down on her, but is happy to go down on you? Does she orgasm? If she fakes it, could you tell?

By putting such strict limits on sex play, she is limiting her arousal, rather severely. I have to admit, Id be surprised if she orgasmed at all with you. I would not be surprised if she fakes it.

Her limitations, have they always been thus? Are they getting worse or staying the same? Lots of women take a bit of convincing before they can relax enough to allow oral and then even more convincing before they can enjoy it. So, that singular limitation is pretty common. But that combined with no touching... This isn't just a preference, no matter what she claims.

My strong hunch is that she's had a bad experience at some point. If she hasn't already told you, or hinted about it, you'll not likely get very far in trying to fix this problem in the regular way.
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Old 02-15-2013, 02:49 AM   #7 (permalink)
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Default Re: My wife doesn't like oral or foreplay.

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Just about the same here. Just really doesn't like it. To intense, would rather have me inside her. After kids nipples are to sensitive for much play. Just not a lot left to work with. Kiss her and rub her back. That is about it.

Kind of have to take the attitude well I still like a variety of things, sorry you don't, let me know if you ever want me to something for you, meanwhile I still want a BJ and for you to try new things on me.

I just worry that this is going to cause problems.
Rub cucumber oil on her breasts, eases the friction while delivering the sensation. While you rub her back, lightly tease her bottom, paying particular attention to the crease where cheek meets leg. It's a surprisingly sensitive spot when touched just so. But women hate their butts sooo vocalize heavily on the loveliness.

if she shaves off her pubes, shower with her and ask to shave her. She'll probably say no, then you can ask that she teach you how it's done. Admit to your perverted fantasies of being able to study her lovely va-jay-jay up close and personal. Scars from birthing tend to make women feel a little Frankenstienish. wax philosophical about those war wounds. You may offer to let her shave you. No one likes a mouthful of hair you know...But once the shaving is done, you have to test the smoothness with your tongue, make sure you got everything.
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Old 02-15-2013, 03:03 AM   #8 (permalink)
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Default Re: My wife doesn't like oral or foreplay.

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Originally Posted by MrBrains View Post
Well I've been married 20 years and your describing the last 15 to a tee. Me and you are in the same miserable boat. I think its quite selfish to give oral sex and never receive it. She is neglecting you of the joys pleasing her while you are not neglecting her joy of pleasing you. Is there abuse in her past?
I enjoy giving my wife oral and it doesn't bother me if I don't get oral in return.. I have sex with my wife to feel her vagina wrapped around my c**k and don't expect her mouth to be there instead,. after I have pleasured her with my tongue.. It makes me happy making her happy!!
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Old 02-15-2013, 03:57 AM   #9 (permalink)
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Default Re: My wife doesn't like oral or foreplay.

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Originally Posted by IDNTNO View Post
My question(s): Is her feeling towards oral ever going to change? Is there anything that can be done on my part to make it enjoyable?
My wife hated the mention of receiving oral. Fast forward to present time she indulges me when I ask but doesn't enjoy it that much. I would say physically that she tolerates me down there but emotionally she enjoys it since she knows how much that makes me happy.

And yes, you can do a lot. You can talk. First order of business is to find out what she has against it and how she feels about it then you need to let her know how much that means to you. If she loves you and wants to make you happy, an open and honest communication should tear down that brick wall to her delicious vagina. Good luck!
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Old 02-15-2013, 03:58 AM   #10 (permalink)
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Default Re: My wife doesn't like oral or foreplay.

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Originally Posted by Anon Pink View Post
Rub cucumber oil on her breasts, eases the friction while delivering the sensation. While you rub her back, lightly tease her bottom, paying particular attention to the crease where cheek meets leg. It's a surprisingly sensitive spot when touched just so. But women hate their butts sooo vocalize heavily on the loveliness.

if she shaves off her pubes, shower with her and ask to shave her. She'll probably say no, then you can ask that she teach you how it's done. Admit to your perverted fantasies of being able to study her lovely va-jay-jay up close and personal. Scars from birthing tend to make women feel a little Frankenstienish. wax philosophical about those war wounds. You may offer to let her shave you. No one likes a mouthful of hair you know...But once the shaving is done, you have to test the smoothness with your tongue, make sure you got everything.
Will have to try the cucumber oil. She knows how much I love her butt. You are right she hates it. Been shaving those pubes for 20 years. Sometimes she does it, but I frequently need to get the inside for her. I shave also and do a fairly good job I think. Shaft, balls and starfish. But how the hell am I supposed to test my smoothness with my tongue?

Why do dogs lick their balls?

Because they can.

I know I am good at oral (at least was) was in 2 LTR prior to wife and both loved it. She uses her magic wand. Like the other poster, she was more into it 20 years ago. And of course really doesn't have much to say about it. She has said she can't understand how I would like to do it.

Would love to study up close more. I even swiped a couple of speculums from an exam room a few years ago, but she will have none of that.

Very rarely orgasms. I would if I could I just don't know what to do for her. Actually orgasms more from doggy, but my weight has made that more difficult. Working on that, down 10 lbs.
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Old 02-15-2013, 05:03 AM   #11 (permalink)
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Default My wife doesn't like oral or foreplay.

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How old is she?
Has she ever let you go down on her?
If she has let you did she orgasm when you gave her oral sex?
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She's 40 now
Once or twice
No
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Old 02-15-2013, 05:14 AM   #12 (permalink)
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She's 40 now
Once or twice
No
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Old 02-15-2013, 05:18 AM   #13 (permalink)
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Default Re: My wife doesn't like oral or foreplay.

Man that is not normal...

However you said your sex life was once great, but she never liked foreplay from the beginning of the relationship. So has the sex changed now???

I would think it is a mind issue that she has. Perhaps she thinks her vagina is not for playing with, stigma indoctrinated from chidlhood or religious beliefs. Lots of parents tell small children not to play with their genetalia because it is dirty...

Or worse she could have been abused in which case she would need counselling.

Physically could she have a hypersensitive clitoris that makes direct stimulation painfull?
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Old 02-15-2013, 05:31 AM   #14 (permalink)
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Default Re: My wife doesn't like oral or foreplay.

Us young ladies (40 -50yrs old) are starting to change a little. Lube is a girls best friend now...especially if she has gone through the change. I also used to love getting oral right off the bat...now I like him to build to it. Over the years your taste do change....I used to hate rough morning sex, now nothing better than spooning nude all night and waking up at 4:30am to my husband pulling me by the ankles off the side of the bed for a fast pounding ride. :-) In my 20's I would have been how rude and inconsiderate. ... now I grin and say Oh Yeah!!!
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Old 02-15-2013, 09:03 AM   #15 (permalink)
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Default Re: My wife doesn't like oral or foreplay.

I'll add my anecdote to the mix.

I wouldn't expect her to change. Mine hasn't, and I have quite a few more years married under my belt. Toys, fingers, and faces serve no purpose between the legs. If she doesn't like it now, you may wear her down a little over time on accepting it as part of your sex life, though it will be grudgingly and lacking enthusiasm.

Personalities do shift and change a bit over time, but generally not as much as people like to think. The older we get, the more ingrained in our ways we become. You should move forward with the expectation that this is the norm.
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