Me and my husband no longer have sex!!!! And it's killing me!!!
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Navigation »Talk About Marriage »Focused Topics »Sex in Marriage » Me and my husband no longer have sex!!!! And it's killing me!!!

Sex in Marriage Sexual problems are common in many relationships. This section is for discussions about sexuality. Please limit discussions to those asking for help with a problem and those offering advice. Any other threads may be deleted.

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Old 02-18-2013, 07:54 PM   #1 (permalink)
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Default Me and my husband no longer have sex!!!! And it's killing me!!!

My husband and I have been married for 21 1/2 years. He is 10 years older than me...he is in his 50's and I am in my 40's. Up until about 2 years ago we had a great sex life and were equally happy with how often we had sex. My husband is on blood pressure meds and so am I but he has been on them for about 10 years. I convinced him to go to the Dr. because he was having a hard time getting stimulated. Got the pills but he never takes one or tries to initiate any sexual activity and if I bring it up he gets defensive. I know this is a hard thing for a man but we are such a close couple that we are able to talk about just about everything. I brought it up tonight and he said he just didn't have the urge. I told him we got you the pills. He said you don't understand I don't have the URGE. He says that it is not me and I believe him he still kisses me and touches me but for gods sake I need something more. Most women will even fake it. Why won't he even try?????
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Old 02-18-2013, 07:59 PM   #2 (permalink)
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Default Re: Me and my husband no longer have sex!!!! And it's killing me!!!

So sorry you are dealing with this. Has he had his testosterone checked lately? Maybe he needs some blood work done. I know it is difficult for him to talk about.... but there may be a medical issue behind this.
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Old 02-18-2013, 08:02 PM   #3 (permalink)
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Default Re: Me and my husband no longer have sex!!!! And it's killing me!!!

Everytime I broach the subject he gets defensive and doesn't want to talk about it.
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Old 02-18-2013, 08:09 PM   #4 (permalink)
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Default Re: Me and my husband no longer have sex!!!! And it's killing me!!!

My husband started having ED and LD once he got in his 50's. I started doing research on ED and sex and aging. There is a lot of information out there on the subject. Some things that were suggested to get him in the mood that worked for me...

Sleep in the nude and spoon with him all night.....this gets me laid everytime
Erotic message
Dirty texting all during the day.... had to buy some erotic novels to learn some phrases

Check out the book store or on line there are lots of books on this subject.
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Old 02-18-2013, 08:36 PM   #5 (permalink)
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Default Me and my husband no longer have sex!!!! And it's killing me!!!

What are some of the novels--- I could use to read these
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Old 02-18-2013, 08:54 PM   #6 (permalink)
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Default Re: Me and my husband no longer have sex!!!! And it's killing me!!!

Try these two authors Eve Langlais or Michelle Pillow.
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Old 02-18-2013, 10:43 PM   #7 (permalink)
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Default Re: Me and my husband no longer have sex!!!! And it's killing me!!!

Dear Mrs. Angela.

I believe your husband is now in a very very low point in his life. Simply put, his ego is bruised and battered right now, and he is so hurt, he is afraid to try anything. He is a different man at this point of his life.

Marriage is a Teamwork. Now he is in trouble, therefore, the two of you should work together to improve this situation. He needs to be "uplifted". With lots of love and patience, he might be able to climb himself out of his current predicament, and provide you with a fulfilling sex life.

But, if he refused to be lifted out of his situation, that's no teamwork, that's one side work.

If he keeps on refusing to get help, refusing to take medicine, refusing to acknowledge the fact that his not having any libido is making YOU sad. then it's NOT a teamwork.

If you two could make it work, fine, I say your marriage is worth fighting for.

If there are no teamwork, it's not a marriage, and should be terminated accordingly.

Much luck in any roads you choose!
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Old 02-18-2013, 11:10 PM   #8 (permalink)
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Default Re: Me and my husband no longer have sex!!!! And it's killing me!!!

Is he over weight?Is he depressed or in a MLC?I'm so sorry,
but he should be doing everything he can.

Have you sat him down,and gently talked about exactly what
you desire and need from him?

I'm surprised as I am 50yrs and my wife is 54yrs and love life is better than ever.Where at the age and years of marriage that
communication is wide open.

Sometimes for males emotional things can kill our sex drive.
Hope, i've helped some and good luck
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Old 02-19-2013, 07:19 AM   #9 (permalink)
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Default Re: Me and my husband no longer have sex!!!! And it's killing me!!!

Quote:
Originally Posted by AngelaB View Post
He said you don't understand I don't have the URGE. He says that it is not me and I believe him he still kisses me and touches me but for gods sake I need something more. Most women will even fake it. Why won't he even try?????
Have you asked him what, in his opinion, you should do with your needs?

Would you be content with him faking it?
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Old 02-19-2013, 07:23 AM   #10 (permalink)
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Default Re: Me and my husband no longer have sex!!!! And it's killing me!!!

The magical pills don't do anything about the desire. They'll make it possible to have sex, but only if the person wants to have sex. The exception might be if they don't want to have sex because they're afraid of not being able to perform. So as someone else suggested, the next step is to get his testosterone tested. But he has to be willing to do that, and that means he has to understand how big of an issues this is for you.

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