I need more then he is giving.
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Navigation »Talk About Marriage »Focused Topics »Sex in Marriage » I need more then he is giving.

Sex in Marriage Sexual problems are common in many relationships. This section is for discussions about sexuality. Please limit discussions to those asking for help with a problem and those offering advice. Any other threads may be deleted.

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Old 07-24-2009, 08:16 PM   #1 (permalink)
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Question I need more then he is giving.

My Husband and I have been together for 4 years now share 2 children and fallen into a rut of sex once a week (if I beg)! I am dying. I need physical contact and I have waited 2 years now for him to come around. I feel like his roommate.

Talking to him is so hard 1 word answers and the wall goes up. We rarely fight and yet I am so Angry all the time. I am ready to pack my bags and run for the hills!

He is NOT stressed he loves his job (more then me I fear) and I support him. He travels a lot and calls to chat and it is so nice. I kept trying to convince myself that he would come home excited to see me and every time I get 5 min of dull sex and he is good for a week!!

What do I do? I have Told him I need more sex, I tell him what I like, I ask what he likes,do things he used to love but now I get a smile and a kiss if I am lucky. He left me waiting in the bed with a new negligee for 45 min then said I am really tired. the night before a 2 week trip! (This happened Last Wednesday).

Do I stay or Do I go? Will this change?
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Old 07-24-2009, 08:39 PM   #2 (permalink)
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Default Re: I need more then he is giving.

How old is he?

And what is his performance like when he does do it? Does he have any problems?
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Old 07-24-2009, 09:45 PM   #3 (permalink)
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Default Re: I need more then he is giving.

Went and still kinda going through the same thing with my DH. I'd beg and maybe get lucky twice a month. I was convinced that he wasn't attracted to me anymore...even though he kept reassuring me he was. This went on for over a year and sex gradually went from twice a week to once a week to maybe twice a month. Finally after crying my eyes out to him...he went to the dr. Turns out his testosterone was low. Still in normal range but low normal. He is only in his early 30's. Dr said its probably been on the decline for years. They started him on replacement therapy and I have noticed a huge difference in his drive. It took a few weeks though. I can't tell you how relieved I was. I had convinced myself that he just wasn't attracted to me....but he kept telling me he had no drive at all. But the patches have made a huge difference!

Last edited by Candice; 07-24-2009 at 09:46 PM. Reason: spelling!
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Old 07-25-2009, 04:39 PM   #4 (permalink)
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Default Re: I need more then he is giving.

He is 35. Thank you for the posts. I have asked him to go to the DR. I will again.

When we do have sex its very mechanical? I think that's the right word. I'm bored and have tried new things but get nothing in return, I feel like its just a chore to him.

I am going to talk to him when he comes home about how I am feeling but I don't know how he will respond. I am afraid he just won't understand.

Last edited by Wants&needs; 07-25-2009 at 04:42 PM. Reason: left out stuff
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Old 07-28-2009, 11:34 AM   #5 (permalink)
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Default Re: I need more then he is giving.

Wow, I completely understand what you are going through, only my situation is he is good at it when HE wants to but if I want to... I get flat out NO. I get pushed away and head turned away... looks of fear and disgust etc if I approach him. He says he is very attracted to me and thinks I am beautiful.

Anyway, I posted about it under another thread. You sound like you have different ideas about how much sex to have? He wants less and you want more? Do you say yes when he asks and he says no when you ask? Thats how it is with us. I guess I dont have any advice, just wanted to know I am there with you.
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Old 07-28-2009, 01:34 PM   #6 (permalink)
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Default Re: I need more then he is giving.

Does he know the stakes?

If he doesn't, he could be thinking to 'wait it out until it goes away'.
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Old 07-28-2009, 01:48 PM   #7 (permalink)
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Default Re: I need more then he is giving.

If it is a testosterone problem, which it very well could be, and it isn't very severe, there are natural supplements you can get from a regular pharmacy that can help boost his natural testosterone production. Things like Magnesium and Zinc and some other more herbal things can help boost natural production. If it's too bad though, testosterone replacement is about your only option.
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Old 07-29-2009, 12:06 PM   #8 (permalink)
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Default Re: I need more then he is giving.

Talking about stakes... I finally let him know about my timeline! I will let you know how it goes. He thought all these "little tiffs" were just annoying arguments! I said nope, they are deal breakers! We will see, he says he is going to let me initiate but after all this fighting I dont really know when I will be ready to do that..

Be careful when you set out your stakes as it may come across as a threat to the other person instead of a declaration of your intentions... my husband took it that way just now and I had to tell him it wa snot a threat, it was a timeline. Just wanted to let you know to tread very carefully...
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Old 07-30-2009, 01:06 AM   #9 (permalink)
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Default Re: I need more then he is giving.

He doesn't know I feel like it's ending. I am going to talk to him. I don't want to start over bu tI am afraid we have nothing in common any more at one point we were ready to take over his family businees and now he is not there and I hate it. what if he doesn't want me because we have different goals?? we were great when we worked side by side but now that i never see him it is falling apart.
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Old 07-30-2009, 01:20 AM   #10 (permalink)
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Default Re: I need more then he is giving.

i know how you feel. my H and i have sex maybe once a week, and that's if i bring it up. he's content to just never have it, i think. we dont usually fight either (although we used to) but i am so miserable all the time. my self esteem has really taken a hit from it all.

sorry i dont really have any answers for you. just some empathy. i know how frustrating it is.
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Old 08-03-2009, 11:58 AM   #11 (permalink)
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Default Re: I need more then he is giving.

I wish my wife was like you girls! She's the opposite...not interested anymore...
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Old 08-03-2009, 01:01 PM   #12 (permalink)
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Default Re: I need more then he is giving.

Quote:
Originally Posted by ianpet07 View Post
I wish my wife was like you girls! She's the opposite...not interested anymore...
right on

and its interesting to see the advice from the ladies, that he needs to see a doctor yadda yadda. when the shoe is on the other foot in here, the man needs to work harder and make the wife feel better about herself, do more around the house and help more with the kids. i rarely see advice that a low labido in a women should result in medical treatment to improve it.

the battle of the sexes rages on
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Old 08-03-2009, 07:18 PM   #13 (permalink)
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Default Re: I need more then he is giving.

Its my opinion that most of us in marriage relationships are mismatched in terms of sexual appetite. The lucky few who are not are the ones with the big smiles on their face.

I am not making fun of you by saying this. I feel your pain.
Honestly I do. You are not alone.
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Old 07-15-2010, 04:40 PM   #14 (permalink)
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Default Re: I need more then he is giving.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Candice View Post
Finally after crying my eyes out to him...he went to the dr. Turns out his testosterone was low. Still in normal range but low normal.

How in the world did you get him to go to the doctor? I have tried, pleeded, begged. The word "never" is always used.
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Old 07-15-2010, 04:56 PM   #15 (permalink)
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Default Re: I need more then he is giving.

Quote:
Originally Posted by okeydokie View Post
right on

and its interesting to see the advice from the ladies, that he needs to see a doctor yadda yadda. when the shoe is on the other foot in here, the man needs to work harder and make the wife feel better about herself, do more around the house and help more with the kids. i rarely see advice that a low labido in a women should result in medical treatment to improve it.

the battle of the sexes rages on
Unfortunately, there has been eaons of research into how to keep a guy up, but not so much for gals. Believe me, I wish there was a pill for women!
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