Can't get wife to orgasm
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Sex in Marriage Sexual problems are common in many relationships. This section is for discussions about sexuality. Please limit discussions to those asking for help with a problem and those offering advice. Any other threads may be deleted.

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Old 07-27-2009, 01:48 AM   #1 (permalink)
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Default Can't get wife to orgasm

Hi all,

I can't get my wife to orgasm. We've been married for 9 years, and I've never got her to orgasm through intercourse. We were both virgins before getting married.

I try to get plenty of foreplay in, and before penetration she is aroused and wet. I try to hold off my orgasm for as long as I can, but the most I can hold off is 90 minutes.

I used to think the problem was me for not lasting long enough, but recently I read a survey that said average sexual intercourse was 15 mins! She says it doesn't bother her, but the problem bothers me. I know she can get orgasms from masturbation, so its not a physiological problem.
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Old 07-27-2009, 03:58 AM   #2 (permalink)
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Default Re: Can't get wife to orgasm

Wow 90 minutes... Not too bad Oh but I do think the 15 minutes your reading about takes quickie 5 minuters into account too. I'd bet 30 min. is more the average..

OMG 9 years and no orgasm!!! Okay I'm not even sure what to say about that. Did you just find this out?

Okay you've addressed stamina but I don't think that's it all. There are many other factors that could be at play. I don't really think it's this either but I feel compelled to ask. Have you had an honest discussion with her on what she likes? Are you sure the foreplay your giving her is what she wants, is she really turned on? Have you ever played before and had her spell out what she likes for you (i.e. do you like this or this better, is this the right spot or lower etc...)? I would suggest allowing her to have some toys in bed with you, but it's probably not a good idea until she figures out how to orgasm with only you. You don't want her to get dependent on toys.

I can't speak for all women, I can only give you my 2 cents. It's don't think it's you at all, it's her. Sorry if this is TMI but after 9 years ya'll need some help! I have to actually try to orgasm. I can't just lay there during sex and it happens. But if I try I can orgasm w/in a few minutes and then multiple after. In fact I'm not satisfied and kinda disapointed unless I get 3 in everytime (more is better but 3 is minimum). But this is because I try for it and I do what gets me off. My husband helps and knows what I like, but ultimately it's up to me. I have to concentrate and really get into it to get mine.

Your wife knows her own body and really I think it's up to her to get herself off. You can only do so much. She can orgasm masturbating so she can do it and knows how to make herself orgasm. She should do this in bed and use you like she's masturbating. Sorry to say it like this but I have to be blunt. She needs to be a little more selfish in bed and get into positions that stimulate her and concentrate on herself. She needs to push pull and use you a little bit to find her sweet spot. Tell her to talk to you in bed and say exactly what she wants. If she wants you to move, not to move, slower, faster, you get the picture. Once she figures it out it will get easier. She also has to totally forget about her insecurities and have sex like she's masturbating. She can't think about what she looks like, feels like, what your thinking etc... She has to be totally focused like she is when she's masturbating. When she's playing by herself all she's thinking about is herself. If I had any advice I would tell her to be totally selfish for a while, stop thinking about you and what you want and do whatever she needs to do with you to get off.

I would URGE you both to make her orgasming a priority. BOTH of you are seriously missing out.
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Old 07-27-2009, 07:56 AM   #3 (permalink)
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Default Re: Can't get wife to orgasm

I have been married 20 years and have never orgasmed through intercourse. Although it doesn't bother me, it would be nice to have it happen but it just doesn't happen! This is a common thing for many, many women. Don't push her...I would be upset if my husband pushed me or was really disappointed by it or dwelled on it...because it just isn't happening!
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Old 07-27-2009, 09:49 AM   #4 (permalink)
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Default Re: Can't get wife to orgasm

I have the opposite problem, my wife is exrtremely orgasmic, she usually climaxes in 5 minutes.

It seems you are very clitorial, have do you foreplay? play with her clit as much as possible, explore to what she likes and run with it.
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Old 07-27-2009, 11:07 AM   #5 (permalink)
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Default Re: Can't get wife to orgasm

[QUOTE=GAsoccerman;73977]I have the opposite problem, my wife is exrtremely orgasmic, she usually climaxes in 5 minutes.QUOTE]

I have the same issue with my wife. While it's a nice problem to have, how do you deal with the "She's done/I'm just warming up" aspect of it?
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Old 07-27-2009, 11:17 AM   #6 (permalink)
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Default Re: Can't get wife to orgasm

Ameretto has solved that issue....

seems a little of that pupy makes her want it for a while longer...and more agressive. Took a while to figure it out. But it worked.

Otherwise 3 kids and weird schedules have let the quickie become the stable of our marriage.

so instead of length it has become how quick and sneaky can we be...
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Old 07-27-2009, 11:45 AM   #7 (permalink)
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Default Re: Can't get wife to orgasm

book a hotel for the weekend a good bottle of wine enjoy and explore each other !!
if she can climax through masturbation then let her show you what hits her spot!!
For women well me and my friends lol .. its about being totally relaxed that makes the differents and yeah sometimes the quickies are better because they usally have a element of risk
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Old 07-27-2009, 11:47 AM   #8 (permalink)
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Default Re: Can't get wife to orgasm

Interesting.

Some women orgasm in less than five minutes through intercourse. I be suspicious she was faking it, either that or you have one hell of a foreplay technique, guys!

Am with Mommyto3boys: Orgasm with intercourse is a rare thing in more than 60% of women.

I think if your wife is "fine" with the way she comes, and if it isn't with intercourse, then leave her alone.

Pressure often keeps women from having an orgasm. Peer-pressure is even worse.
Reading in magazines about how one should or should not "be" when it comes to something as individual and personal as an orgasm is depressing to some if one is not "pop" off the top orgasmic as some women claim to be.

It is rather like some women who claim "Oh, childbirth is not that painful". Well, honey, you must have a vagina nine miles wide then (just kidding....to those of you who can do childbirth "natural")

Back to subject:

As far as coming early on in intercourse (or at all), if I did that he would never get any further. Orgasm makes me so sensitive afterwards I don't even want to be touched down there, let alone keep going on with intercourse.

And more than ONE orgasm? I would die. It is THAT big an experience...nope, one is quite enough! I could not take two or three....yikes.
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Old 07-27-2009, 11:59 AM   #9 (permalink)
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Default Re: Can't get wife to orgasm

yea I thought my wife was lying or faking early on in our relationship.

I wouldn't say it is like that everytime, but 75% she is, othertimes she is simply just pleasing me or letting me have my way.

Have of it is the foreplay or the flirting before hand, it can be a day long thing where I have teased her all day long until she practically can't take it anymore.

What can I say she is very orgasmic.

I've driven her to orgasm by kissing her back and neck sensually...did it for so long and so erotic she drove herself nuts, begging me to go in her, but I refused, I purposely drove her wild...having so much fun doing so.

I admit I am a very lucky man that she is orgasmic very easily and she has a high libido.

but I have inspected every inch her body often and often switch it up from quickie, to romantic, to erotic, to S&M...it is never the same or boring.

My goal has always been to get her off, not me.
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Old 07-27-2009, 12:00 PM   #10 (permalink)
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Default Re: Can't get wife to orgasm

Hey Sandy, yes I have read that and although it seems to be common, I just wish I could!

It seems that women just aren't built for direct clitoral stimulation during intercourse (like me) which is what I need for it to happen....bummer. Direct clitoral stimulation during intercourse doesn't even work for me....but I can orgasm other ways.
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Old 07-27-2009, 12:06 PM   #11 (permalink)
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Default Re: Can't get wife to orgasm

I have only recently been able to have more then one climax durring intercourse ans usally the first is within 5/10 minutes ..then i do find i have to work through a stimulation overload for a few minutes and then im able to enjoy again
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Old 07-27-2009, 12:06 PM   #12 (permalink)
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Default Re: Can't get wife to orgasm

90 minutes of "look ma, no hands!" intercourse is not the right approach.

I'm thinking you ought to find a way to give her a reach around while you have intercourse. You know, touch the bits with your fingers.

Spooning is a good way for this.

Plus, if she is shy about you seeing her reaction, it gives her a little head space.

enjoy.
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Old 07-27-2009, 02:26 PM   #13 (permalink)
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Default Re: Can't get wife to orgasm

We solved this years ago by buying her an egg vibe. She sits on top of me for a G spot org then lets the egg work her clitoris. We then expanded that to doggy, I angle downward to hit g spot while she works egg vibe, then when i'm on top I angle upward while she uses egg vibe. We then expanded to anal while she puts dildo vibe inside. I think we have about 3 egg vibes now which are the highest rated and powerful. (Space Explorer) I also buy the highest rated 9v batteries. (Duracell pro cell) my point is though, try some new things.
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Old 07-27-2009, 02:44 PM   #14 (permalink)
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Default Re: Can't get wife to orgasm

I usually have my first orgasm within 5-10 minutes of intercourse, or foreplay, if penetration has not occured yet. Often, I have 4 or more orgasms during our session, and NO I am NOT faking it. My H and I are very in tune to each others bodies; he told me last night he can feel it building in my body long before it happens. We have also discovered some neat things that my body can do, mainly from oral stimulation, though it did happen last night from just intercourse. Before my H, it wasn't this easy, we just really mesh well sexually.
Change up the routine. What you've been doing isn't working, so try some of Martino's suggestions. Explore and you may hit on something that will have her climbing the walls!
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Old 07-27-2009, 03:09 PM   #15 (permalink)
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Default Re: Can't get wife to orgasm

Have you checked out her "equipment"... I know that there are woman that have a really high clitoris. High enough that it is EXTREMELY difficult for it to be stimulated during intercourse.

So it could be a part physical, part mental. After so long of not being able to orgasm during sex, she just thinks that she can't.... then she can't.
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