Wife says I kiss weird
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Sex in Marriage Sexual problems are common in many relationships. This section is for discussions about sexuality. Please limit discussions to those asking for help with a problem and those offering advice. Any other threads may be deleted.

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Old 03-11-2013, 05:51 PM   #1 (permalink)
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Unhappy Wife says I kiss weird

Through our years together, we have had the occasional physical interaction problems. Like many long term couples we have laughed them away or dealt with them. Pre-separation there was a problem, post separation and into reconciliation this problem of me "kissing weird" or "being awkward" has appeared again. I must mention that previously, she quit kissing me about two years before we separated(she was pregnant at the time she initially quit). I boldly kissed her last time it was us with no kids, she welcomed it with a big smile and then made a face.
I have not changed my kissing technique since we started dating. I love kissing and value it very much. I am not here to cast blame on her, but state a few things I realize may contribute to this:
1.I am out of practice and lacked confidence for a long while. 2. She is out of practice. 3. She has definitely forgot how I kiss, it has been years. 4. As a couple, we are out of practice.

This bump didn't hurt my confidence, but I don't want a repeat.
Anyone have a similar experience in regards to pregnancy derailing intimacy? How do I remedy this problem? Any advice is welcomed.
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Old 03-11-2013, 05:54 PM   #2 (permalink)
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Default Re: Wife says I kiss weird

You may not have changed. She may have. Kissing is intimate.

Not trying to push buttons but what has she had to compare your kissing to of late?

I would ask her straight up. What do you find weird about it?
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Old 03-11-2013, 05:54 PM   #3 (permalink)
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Default Re: Wife says I kiss weird

Ask her to teach you to not kiss weird?
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Old 03-11-2013, 05:57 PM   #4 (permalink)
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Default Re: Wife says I kiss weird

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Ask her to teach you to not kiss weird?
Yes, ask her to show you how she would like to be kissed by kissing you herself. Let her take the lead and learn. It's like learning to dance together.
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Old 03-11-2013, 06:45 PM   #5 (permalink)
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You may not have changed. She may have. Kissing is intimate.

Not trying to push buttons but what has she had to compare your kissing to of late?

I would ask her straight up. What do you find weird about it?
I don't know one way or the other.
I thought she was cheating based on her lack of interest in me and some instances of lying when I asked the 5 W's. That friction led to our separation.
As I said, she has said it for a LONG while now, so if it was out of marriage experience, it would mean she would have to admit to lying to me recently or in the past
Not going to happen and would definitely be a set back in the reconciliation if I asked, although I have a right to know.
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Old 03-11-2013, 06:53 PM   #6 (permalink)
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Default Re: Wife says I kiss weird

It could simply be that she forgot how you kissed. It could also be that she's afraid that you kissed someone else during your separation. It could be that she isn't confident in the way she was kissing and wanted to take the spotlight off of herself. I would just ask her... see what she says.
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Old 03-11-2013, 08:39 PM   #7 (permalink)
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Default Wife says I kiss weird

My wife stopped kissing after the pregnancy. I am devastated. It started with end of kissing, and progressed to end of sex. How long has it been for you to be married?
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Old 03-11-2013, 09:08 PM   #8 (permalink)
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Default Re: Wife says I kiss weird

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I don't know one way or the other.
I thought she was cheating based on her lack of interest in me and some instances of lying when I asked the 5 W's. That friction led to our separation.
As I said, she has said it for a LONG while now, so if it was out of marriage experience, it would mean she would have to admit to lying to me recently or in the past
Not going to happen and would definitely be a set back in the reconciliation if I asked, although I have a right to know.
Assuming she has felt this way for a while. Do ask her to show you how she prefers to be kissed. Kissing is very intimate. She may have intimacy problems with you period and the excuse is you kiss weird.
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Old 03-11-2013, 09:09 PM   #9 (permalink)
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Default Re: Wife says I kiss weird

My STBXW always criticized my kissing (and lovemaking) although I can never ever recall a time when she didn't get hers. She was a control freak and things had to be done exactly as she prescribed and no other way!

But I reckon that when you have all of that money in your pockets, that that would be the greatest authoritative prerequisite of all!
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Old 03-11-2013, 10:41 PM   #10 (permalink)
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Default Re: Wife says I kiss weird

I have been through this with some previous relationships. I think that after a time, some people just dont bother to put in the effort to try, and/or the intimacy drops, therefore the kissing quality drops. I had one ex that after us being together for a couple of year, wasnt really interested in any deep kissing, but would do it for my sake, and he just swirled his tongue around in circles...I can remember thinking WTF are you doing?? Like, really? Why bother? What a turn off! I would rather you not do it at all rather to half ass it and make it unpleasant! OP you say you havent changed how you kiss, are you SURE?
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Old 03-11-2013, 10:51 PM   #11 (permalink)
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Default Re: Wife says I kiss weird

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Not trying to push buttons but what has she had to compare your kissing to of late?
This is what ran through my mind the moment I saw the thread title.
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Old 03-11-2013, 11:26 PM   #12 (permalink)
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Default Re: Wife says I kiss weird

Everybody kisses differently, every new kisser has a weird kiss. I too wonder why suddenly your kisses are weird when they weren't before. What changed?

I recently found out that I tend to be lip sucker/licker, which is apparently weird. It's how I've always kissed but then I've only shared kisses with a few people.

I'd be open to new techniques too, but its hard to change what just comes to you naturally.
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Old 03-11-2013, 11:27 PM   #13 (permalink)
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This is what ran through my mind the moment I saw the thread title.
Yeah, I actually felt like an A-hole for posting that. But yeah it jumps out at you.

Last edited by Entropy3000; 03-11-2013 at 11:49 PM.
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Old 03-12-2013, 12:05 AM   #14 (permalink)
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Default Re: Wife says I kiss weird

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Originally Posted by arbitrator View Post
My STBXW always criticized my kissing (and lovemaking) although I can never ever recall a time when she didn't get hers. She was a control freak and things had to be done exactly as she prescribed and no other way!

But I reckon that when you have all of that money in your pockets, that that would be the greatest authoritative prerequisite of all!
This has been my experience with the only bad kissing experiences I ever had: control freaks where kissing was more about a war of dominance.

With normal people there was a mutual cooperation where subtle signals were constantly being sent back and forth. My tongue starts for hers, she recognizes and reciprocates... she needs a break so starts to close her mouth, and I reciprocate. That's what is so wonderful about kissing - the mutual shared intimacy of giving each other what you want. The very first time I kissed a 13 year old girl at age 12 myself we were both instantly as competent as I am now at 54. That's how easy it is.

So the bad kisser experience: you start to move your tongue out and... no reaction. You open your mouth and... no reaction. Instead it is a war where only what they want happens. They make it clear this is a one-way street, and may even do things you find annoying specifically because they're annoying. Like an ex-wife of mine who used to wrap both of her lips completely around the oudside of mine - her mouth had to be wider than mine, like "I'm going to swallow you". She knew I didn't like her to lick her lips before just a kiss goodbye and goober it all over me, so she got really quick at doing that right as I was leaning in to kiss her goodbye. Then she would deny that she did it.

If the attraction is not there then obviously it isn't going to work out no matter how you kiss. "Kissing Weird" could mean either the attraction is lacking or there is some control issue going on. A person can communicate how they like being kissed just by kissing. It doesn't take a verbal explanation if people are communicating physically.
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