oral sex- why is it important?
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Sex in Marriage Sexual problems are common in many relationships. This section is for discussions about sexuality. Please limit discussions to those asking for help with a problem and those offering advice. Any other threads may be deleted.

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Old 03-17-2013, 06:33 PM   #1 (permalink)
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Default oral sex- why is it important?

i know that for women, a lot are unable to orgasm from PIV sex alone as it doesn't necessarily hit the right spots. But guys? I've never heard of a guy not being able to orgasm from penetrative sex. There are so many posts here where guys seem truly devastated because they are not able to get oral sex, and it surprises me because i wouldn't think it's important if you can achieve a satisfying orgasm from actual sex.

is it a physical thing that you cannot go without it in your sex life, like the orgasm from a BJ is a thousand times more intense and a PIV orgasm is only a half-orgasm? or is it more mental/emotional, perhaps you see it as a sign that she loves you if she is willing to do this- or that she doesn't love you/rejection of you as a person if she doesn't?

fwiw, i'm not going to criticise or argue with anyone's reasons! (unless someone says something like "i like it because i know my wife hates it and i like to see her miserable"! ) I am asking because I am honestly curious to know, and I don't have a penis so the only way to know is to ask people who do. (my partner doesn't care about BJs one way or the other - he'll take one of course, but he prefers sex).

so if you don't mind to tell me, why is it important/necessary to you? would you feel unsatisfied if your partner would do all other things with you (frequent sex, experiments/new things) but the only thing you could not get is a BJ?

(also, apologies for the crude grammar- English isn't my first language and i think sometimes i write sounding more harsh or critical than what i intend! i don't mean to sound like "what is wrong with you if you can't live without a BJ" just "i wonder why is this?")

Last edited by OrangeCrush; 03-17-2013 at 06:41 PM.
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Old 03-17-2013, 08:52 PM   #2 (permalink)
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Default Re: oral sex- why is it important?

Orange, my H is the same as your SO. I gave him his first BJ for Valentine's Day and he LOVED it. But not better than PIV sex. He does not like giving it though (which is fine because I don't want to receive oral either). So he says he would probably never ASK for it since he does not give it. Now that he knows I actually love giving him one and don't really want it returned, he thinks he has died and gone to heaven!

ETA: H did say I should just let him give me oral just to see if I liked it or not. I said no thank you.

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Old 03-17-2013, 09:25 PM   #3 (permalink)
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Default Re: oral sex- why is it important?

It feels really, really good, in a different way from PIV. It's one more way to give and receive pleasure, and to be loving and close with your partner.

Psychologically, yes, men really love it when their partners love their penises and lavish attention on them. For some people, there are also power dynamics at play which enhances the eroticism and their enjoyment of giving and receiving.
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Old 03-17-2013, 09:28 PM   #4 (permalink)
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Default Re: oral sex- why is it important?

Here's my perspective, and my brief background is we've been married over 11 years. We were pretty sexual at the start, and since fixing our relationship we're about back to a pretty good level. My wife doesn't go all the way with BJ to completion, and usually she'd rather have sex.. So it's mostly a part of foreplay, and she'll do it sometimes if that's off the table.

Here's why I enjoy it. Oral sex is something that she really only wants to do for me during 69, she looks at it as kind of dirty. She loves receiving and doesn't have this hang-up with receiving. It's kind of unfair and I think it's an area we need to work on, but that's a relatively small complaint and I'm too happy with things where they are to make a big deal out of that. In a way, it makes it a little more special things being what they are.

That aside, intercourse is mutually satisfying. Some positions I'm doing all the work, even if we're both getting the pleasure. Getting a BJ is an act done by her for my pleasure that does not itself really stimulate an erogenous zone of hers. I've read that some women do get turned on giving BJ's, some get gratification from having that kind of power over their man... I don't think she experiences that. The fact that it is such a giving act from her to me gives me a feeling of being loved.

I don't have any difficulty with feeling in my wife, but before I met my wife I found that I felt more pressure and feeling from BJ's.

There is a good feeling from being dominant over my woman involved too.
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Old 03-17-2013, 09:51 PM   #5 (permalink)
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Default Re: oral sex- why is it important?

I would not be in a relationship where I was not receiving or giving oral. Period.

A lot of people tend to think of it as an "appetizer"... I give it more credit than that, (as a woman). It is about giving and receiving the most intimate exchanges with your partner. It's not always about orgasm, as I can attest, I have never orgasmed from oral sex.

But I like it a hell of a lot better than NOT!
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Old 03-17-2013, 10:06 PM   #6 (permalink)
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Default Re: oral sex- why is it important?

It's more mental and emotional for me, I think. It's a submissive act from the woman I love. She is giving herself to me and showing me I am important to her. It is a bit of a power trip as well. I don't know if I could live without it. I've never been with a woman who did not do it. I always reciprocated. I felt it was a mix of submissiveness and a bit of a power trip to perform oral on her. My doing it for her was the submissive part and when she had an orgasm, I felt empowered. Maybe it's just a sense of accomplishment? Who knows?
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Old 03-17-2013, 10:08 PM   #7 (permalink)
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Default Re: oral sex- why is it important?

To me there is just a closeness that oral promotes. I'm in a situation where for years my wife would not let me perform oral on her. I finally got her to give in on that and now she gets explosive orgasms from receiving oral from me...and I love giving it to her. Unfortunately, she still will not perform oral on me no matter how I ask. I find it extremely disappointing and I feel a true lack of real closeness during sex because of it. I've pretty much learned to live with it but I do feel a bit of unfairness about it all. To me there is just something more intimate to giving and receiving oral than almost anything else. It is truly a way, IMHO, that is focuses the attention of your partner in a way that says "this is all for you to enjoy and I'm happy to give you this pleasure".
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Old 03-17-2013, 10:42 PM   #8 (permalink)
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Default Re: oral sex- why is it important?

WillK i did not think of that, it can be thought of as a particularly loving act because she is doing all the work and it's something she does just for your pleasure. that makes sense to me!

SoxFan also, your point also is a good one, and something i hadn't thought of- that it is particularly intimate in a very unique way to be willing to let someone go there with his/her mouth and to do the same to them.
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Old 03-17-2013, 10:46 PM   #9 (permalink)
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Default Re: oral sex- why is it important?

Nothing says 'I love you' more than giving giving an unreciprocated gift.

There are complex power dynamics involved as well. My wife is always aroused during oral. Is it a power trip to her? Is she semi submissive? Does it make her feel like a dirty girl? How would I know.

For me, it's selfless on her part, selfISH on my part (who doesn't like to be selfish once in a while), there is a bit of dominance, the mouth's muscles have more conscious control than a vagina (and don't forget the tongue ) and it just FEELS different.

Do I PREFER BJ's? Sometimes. Usually it's the prelude to team athletics however.
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Old 03-17-2013, 11:15 PM   #10 (permalink)
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Default Re: oral sex- why is it important?

It is an unbelievable feeling to be "engulfed" by my wife's warm, wet mouth...with the only intent of giving ME pleasure. I will admit it is somewhat selfish on my part. I love to lay back and receive...but receiving BJ's is somewhat rare in my house. When it does happen, it is AWESOME!

My wife always swallows, which makes this entire act more intimate and sexual to me. It is very exciting and reminds me of the old days in High School...when we got hot and bothered while making out in cars. I will also say that watching my wife do this to me is very exciting. Men are visual, so watching this just enhances the pleasure I am feeling.

One last point....I love it when my wife surprises me and will drop to her knees and put my stallion in her mouth...without me expecting it. It is an AWESOME feeling when I am small and then get completely aroused in her mouth. Sorry if this is too much info. The feeling is priceless.

Sometimes, her giving me a BJ is the foreplay that SHE wants and then progresses into PIV sex. It is great when it happens.
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Old 03-17-2013, 11:27 PM   #11 (permalink)
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Default Re: oral sex- why is it important?

When I was 16 I got my first BJ. Yea, I smiled back then too. It was the best thing in the world.....and she didn't spill a drop. Having the desire to be a good lover, I returned the favor and fell in love with one of my favorite past times. She was the first, she's been the best so far but.. it was b/c she enjoyed it as much as I did. We did have sex later on but oral was always first, second, third, and then we'd have sex. lol.
Just having a woman go down there isn't good enough, she's got to show the desire to please. It's just not a up and down,sucking, slurping that makes it good, it's when the woman knows what you like, when you like it.
Case~in~point, my gf now, hates giving BJs but I give her oral all the time. She'll do it b/c she knows it turns me on. One night (after a year of bad BJs we stop @ my friends house for a little sex in the truck (friends house is in the country). I give her a little oral, she gets turned on, I get on top and she's ready to explode....but I got bit by a mosquito and lost the rhythm.....after recovering...lol she jumps on me and starts riding me reverse cowgirl, again ready to cum she lost her footing and just lost the big O. What happened next was, she got in a 69 and yelled "eat it". While I did my duty, she gave me the best BJ I've had in 25 years and hasn't done it since. The point is, when any woman is into sex like I am, she can give a good BJ, but, the desire to please must = her own desire to be pleased. That was her first time being so worked up she threw all her "ideas" away and did what she really wanted to, be pleased herself. I know b/c she isn't the first that have acted this way in the heat of passion, many times in the past, women have done things in the heat of the moment they wouldn't normally do if asked, and then after say "I can't believe I did that."
With that being said Orange, in the heat of the moment, could you enjoy oral yourself? I think you could.
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Old 03-17-2013, 11:45 PM   #12 (permalink)
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Default Re: oral sex- why is it important?

I've have an opinion on this that may seem a little strange, but here it goes : Humans are the only animals that have sex for pleasure as well as procreation.

So I look at oral sex this way : Our genitals are made for sex, our mouths are made for eating, breathing, and speaking. So when a person, male or female, makes a decision to use their mouth in a sexual fashion, I think its so much MORE personal than regular intercourse. I view it almost as a gift you give a partner that your body was not designed to do, but you did it anyway.
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Old 03-18-2013, 07:43 AM   #13 (permalink)
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Default Re: oral sex- why is it important?

Because it FEELS REALLY GOOD?
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Old 03-18-2013, 08:01 AM   #14 (permalink)
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Default Re: oral sex- why is it important?

Well, it feels fantastic for one.
The reason men feel bruised when their woman doesn't want to do it is rejection.

It's a rejection of their sexuality usually one that's not recipeocated as most men love servicing their wives.

No one wants their lover thinking of any type if sex with them as "gross" or undesirable
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Old 03-18-2013, 08:13 AM   #15 (permalink)
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Default Re: oral sex- why is it important?

Quote:
Originally Posted by barbados View Post
I've have an opinion on this that may seem a little strange, but here it goes : Humans are the only animals that have sex for pleasure as well as procreation.

So I look at oral sex this way : Our genitals are made for sex, our mouths are made for eating, breathing, and speaking. So when a person, male or female, makes a decision to use their mouth in a sexual fashion, I think its so much MORE personal than regular intercourse. I view it almost as a gift you give a partner that your body was not designed to do, but you did it anyway.
monkeys/ apes and the such have sex for fun they even masterbate.
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