Sex in MarriageSexual problems are common in many relationships. This section is for discussions about sexuality. Please limit discussions to those asking for help with a problem and those offering advice. Any other threads may be deleted.
In a recent thread started by GAsoccerman, the question was asked about what is the perfect penis size. Most had the perfect size in their partner and the complaints came from those that have encountered those that are too small.
My problem is the opposite. My partner is very well endowed and it makes any form of intercourse extremely painful. His girth and his length are the problems. We have tried different positions, taking things slow, lubes, etc. I feel like I am being ripped open and we end up stopping. We have never had start to finish sex. We usually just finish using foreplay techniques.
I have spoken with my gyno and he didn't have a lot to say. The only thing that made sense for the length problem was that I have a low cervix so deep penetration will be painful no matter what. Well, we can deal with that...I've heard of those "bumper rings" he can wear to prevent deep thrusting.
But does anyone have any tips, suggestions, advice on how to solve my problem of handling his girth? I dont enjoy intimacy at all and I wonder if its because its always so painful. Will I someday become the sex kitten my partner wants if I can get past the pain? I guess I should add that I am very small down there naturally anyway. My partner has even said that it feels like I'm cutting off his circulation when we are attempting things.
Other then the use of plenty of lube, lots of foreplay, and the like it seems to me that one should over time get accustomed to be able to accept a larger penis if they gradually worked up to it with toys and the like. The vagina is a a muscle and can be stretched, even far enough to allow a baby to pass through it. I really think there is hope.
I hope for both your sakes you can find an answer that works for you.
Also, look up Vaginismus and its treatment. See if anything there might help or apply to your situation.
Are you a man, Hitched? Because I don't think that a woman would come to the conclusion that you should be able to stretch to accomodate a larger penis. Her cervix is where it is and for a lot of women, having the cervix pounded hurts quite a bit.
Further, if she's apprehensive about sex with him because of the pain, it will be difficult to become fully aroused. Lube doesn't make up for a lack of arousal.
I don't think that a woman would come to the conclusion that you should be able to stretch to accomodate a larger penis. Her cervix is where it is and for a lot of women, having the cervix pounded hurts quite a bit.
Cervix location has nothing much to do with penis girth/size.
Hard, deep thrusting perhaps, yes. But, the fact is, the vagina is designed to birth babies and as such is quite adequate for nearly any penis...or can be conditioned to be so.
Vaginal pain during sex is nearly 100% 'curable'...and thats a fact.
It has to do with involuntary spasms of the pelvic floor.
Youre right though, lube alone may not work.
Are you a man, Hitched? Because I don't think that a woman would come to the conclusion that you should be able to stretch to accomodate a larger penis. Her cervix is where it is and for a lot of women, having the cervix pounded hurts quite a bit.
Further, if she's apprehensive about sex with him because of the pain, it will be difficult to become fully aroused. Lube doesn't make up for a lack of arousal.
I didn't realize we were discussing vaginismus, Hitch... because I don't believe we are. She described his length and girth as a problem as well as him hitting her cervix.
And no, I'm not suggesting reduction unless that's what they'd like to do (not for me to say). I'm suggesting that maybe they are incompatible sexually.
Also Hitch, you didn't answer the question - are you a man? I'd also like to know where your statistic of nearly a 100% cure rate comes from.
Pain related to size is not a psychological problem but it can develop into one in addition to the very real pain she feels now.
If she orgasms before penetration and things don't get better, I'd say that they're going to have to go with less intercourse and move toward oral.
Cervix location has nothing much to do with penis girth/size.
Hard, deep thrusting perhaps, yes. But, the fact is, the vagina is designed to birth babies and as such is quite adequate for nearly any penis...or can be conditioned to be so.
Vaginal pain during sex is nearly 100% 'curable'...and thats a fact.
It has to do with involuntary spasms of the pelvic floor.
Youre right though, lube alone may not work.
I think it's great you have an interest in amateur genecology hitched.
I didn't realize we were discussing vaginismus, Hitch... because I don't believe we are.
Outside of a real health issue...Sexual pain = vaginismus
It is a real pain, not imagined. It is both physical and mental.
Its involuntary. Search it, studies related to this issue show nearly 100% cure rate with right treatment. One must however find someone that understands it. Some dr's do, others dont, leaving many in this dear lady's situation.
Overly deep penetration or 'rough' sex aside, these issues can be dealt with, and my gender has nothing to do with that.
Chalking up sexual pain to 'we're incompatible' is completely unnecessary and silly even, especially in a love relationship. The vagina and penis are designed for each other. The vagina is capable of things a penis cannot come close to duplicate.
They can both be conditioned to work harmoniously.
In a recent thread started by GAsoccerman, the question was asked about what is the perfect penis size. Most had the perfect size in their partner and the complaints came from those that have encountered those that are too small.
My problem is the opposite. My partner is very well endowed and it makes any form of intercourse extremely painful. His girth and his length are the problems. We have tried different positions, taking things slow, lubes, etc. I feel like I am being ripped open and we end up stopping. We have never had start to finish sex. We usually just finish using foreplay techniques.
I have spoken with my gyno and he didn't have a lot to say. The only thing that made sense for the length problem was that I have a low cervix so deep penetration will be painful no matter what. Well, we can deal with that...I've heard of those "bumper rings" he can wear to prevent deep thrusting.
But does anyone have any tips, suggestions, advice on how to solve my problem of handling his girth? I dont enjoy intimacy at all and I wonder if its because its always so painful. Will I someday become the sex kitten my partner wants if I can get past the pain? I guess I should add that I am very small down there naturally anyway. My partner has even said that it feels like I'm cutting off his circulation when we are attempting things.
If you've spoken to your obgyn and he says everything is okay well that should be a relief.
However whatever size penis is you should be able to have sex with him comfortably.
Sex with a guy that's particulary big is only a problem if you try to do it in the same way as you would with a regular sized guy. For example with a regular sized guy you might be able to put him inside you straight away and have forceful sex while not being fully aroused, if he's normal sized it's not a problem and can feel pretty good.
If you try it with a large guy it's going to be a recipie for injury.
So when you're with a large guy how you have sex will have to change.
I'm pretty small I've had one bf in the past whose large penis. While initially I thought it was brilliant I realised that it could actually be quite awkward and that I wasn't able to have sex in the positions I was used to or for as long as I was used to. But after a bit of experimentation it worked out.
The main thing I suggest is that by yourself you work out what's comfortable for you. Practice relaxing yourself and finding your limits (I'm not going to be too graphic). That way when you actually have sex with your husband you'll know before hand what you're physically capable of accepting.
I waill say that sex with a large man is incredibly satisfying when you learn to cope with it, and I'm willing to bet with a bit of effort you start to have an extremely fufilling sex life.
Hitch, it isn't silly. And she hasn't described involuntary spasms at entry. So you've got your terms wrong. Look them up, oh non-amateur. The term you want is dyspareunia. They're not interchangable.
She can also try using upsizing dildos over time to stretch herself out. And my, that sounds like a lot of fun. (Not.)
Hitch, it isn't silly. And she hasn't described involuntary spasms at entry. So you've got your terms wrong. Look them up, oh non-amateur. The term you want is dyspareunia. They're not interchangable.
She can also try using upsizing dildos over time to stretch herself out. And my, that sounds like a lot of fun. (Not.)
Perhaps you should 'look them up'.
Dysparenia- "Extreme forms, in which the woman's pelvic floor musculature contracts involuntarily, is termed vaginismus"
They are totally related and difficult to distinguish.
In either case, chalking it up to 'incompatibility' is what would be silly. She should with either term search some help. Its usually reversible/curable etc.
I do not claim such.
I simply gave a starting point.
Rather then nitpick over terms with me perhaps it would be better to offer whatever tips, info, and REAL HELP you have to the OP.
...as opposed to "youre incompatible...or might be".
Look, if you just admitted that you used a very strong term which may not apply based on what the OP actually described to us, you'd have a lot more credability. She said certain things. You leapt to a conclusion that didn't fit with the facts she stated.
passive-aggressive smileys are always a nice touch.
When size is the problem... 
I really think there is hope.
