Sex in MarriageSexual problems are common in many relationships. This section is for discussions about sexuality. Please limit discussions to those asking for help with a problem and those offering advice. Any other threads may be deleted.
Just would like to see if i am seeing right about our situation. Me and my wife have been dealing with a child in the bed for the last 12 years and the last child is my daughter. Now my sex drive has been surpressed because I can not bring myself to fantasize about sex with my daughter in the bed. From my side of the deal as a man I feel my sex drive is being psychologically suppressed because of this. The child in the bed is a issue we have disscussed she is now 8 years old and my wife had a rough childhood with her mother and father abandoning her so I have to try and work around the bond that is there. Just confer with me or give me a different view of my/our delilmma.
Been there done that we have talked and she can't seem to understand why I am not so willing half the time our bedroom door can swing at any given moment and with me being the initiator I have a over cautious concern about my daughter popping in at the wrong time.Lock the door and she will just stand at the door thats a drive killer for me and then my wife says we need to captilize on any free time we can get ie when kids go to school. But as the years pass I become less interested because I don't like being all hot and no action so I learn to not think about sex with my wife. She thinks I do not desire here anymore and thats not the case. I have a little daughter and I am not about to expose her to that side of Love yet/ever. So here I sit just waiting for her to grow out of our bed.
Go out and buy your daughter he own bed
and put it in her own room.
You can start there.
be the leader, the father, the man and demand the child gets her own private space. Stop letting your wifes issues ruin your daughter and your life and kick you out of your bed.
Try making her bed exciting... new sheets or maybe a sleepover with her friends... I had a tent on my bed when I was little... that was fun. Your wife has to be on board too... maybe have "family" night on Tuesdays or something where your daughter can sleep in there, but other nights she sleeps in her bed. When did your other kids start sleeping in their own beds?
I used to sneak into my parents room when I was young, but I had monsters in my room... so totally different situation
Go out and buy your daughter he own bed
and put it in her own room.
You can start there.
be the leader, the father, the man and demand the child gets her own private space. Stop letting your wifes issues ruin your daughter and your life and kick you out of your bed.
You owe it to your daughter to insist on a course of separating her from your bed.
You owe it to yourself and your wife to reclaim the marital bed.
This situation has transpired for far too long.
It will take resolve and effort to make this happen.
You may need to enlist the help of family counselor to achieve this.
AND, IMPORTANTLY, do not link this strictly to a sexual context with your wife. Focus on the health of your child, her development as a normal kid.
Yes, yes, there is a sexual context. But do it in steps.
Thanks all for the input. She does have an interesting bedroom already and very fun sheets her room has a Disney theme. As far as me demanding it well here is my delimma I work shift work,meaning 7 days out of the month I work graveyard shift. This is were it all falls apart. You can imagine me demanding and then once gone on graveyard shift poof back in the bed. I agree wife needs to be on board but it doesn't seem to click. Like I said I can not have strong feelings in my head while my daughter is in the bed between me and my wife. It just ain't right and it zaps my drive to even think I could be that close to my daughter with that kind of mindset.
over time I began to notice I really don't care no more in order to keep the peace. Well my wife says I don't desire her WTF I have my 8 year old daughter in the bed with us which makes our bed a no go zone I want our bed to be were we as adults can do whatever we want. I don't want to be thinking about my daughter when I am in my bed unless there is an emergency. This situation will continue until she gets out and I hope by then I am still willing because I am shutting down for the cause.
Similar situation but different. Son in bed, and he's autistic. We've tried putting him in his own bed and he wakes up in the middle of the night and climbs into our bed. Has hugely dampened all sexual interest but to be honest there are other issues between me and my hubby so now son is more an "excuse."
[QUOTE=4oneone;81149]Thanks all for the input. She does have an interesting bedroom already and very fun sheets her room has a Disney theme. As far as me demanding it well here is my delimma I work shift work,meaning 7 days out of the month I work graveyard shift. This is were it all falls apart. QUOTE]
ah ha... I can see why your having trouble.
Your wife uses the child to not sleep alone. You should insist
to your wife and use all the reasons it would benefit BOTH of them for the child to sleep in her own room.
At some age - your child may look back and ask herself - WHAT THE HELL WERE MY PARENTS THINKING.
Imagine this. At some future point you divorce. Your grown child is going to wonder if she is the cause. By then she will understand what most married adults do in bed, and will wonder if her presence in your bed disrupted your intimacy and eventually your marriage.
How could you possibly risk having your child "wear" that guilt.
Put your child in her bed where she belongs - and start reaching out to each other.
She is too old to be sleeping in your bed...PERIOD. Your wife is now using this for HER comfort, for when you are not there, and its not right. My youngest slept in our bed for the first 7 months of his life, and then he moved to his crib in his room. My oldest went thru about a year where he would come in to our room in the middle of the night and sleep, then he started bringing his little bro with him...and it just got to be TOO crowded. We know why my oldest started sleeping with us; we left him with his grandparents for several days and he quite honestly thought we abandoned him and weren't going to come back. But, he is over it now, thank goodness. They both know they can come in if something scares them, but other than that now, if they wake up and come in, we take them back to bed, kiss them and tell them we love them.
It doesn't sound like your daughter has any reason to sleep there other than conditioning....and it's time for your wife to realize that she is doing more harm than good, for everyone!
Location: Temporary Resident of Earth Lord Only Knows Where Next
Posts: 5,593
Re: 12 years with kids in bed
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mommybean
She is too old to be sleeping in your bed...PERIOD.
BINGO!! There is no reason for a child to be sleeping in the parents’ bed at that age other that rare bad dream scenario, and at that she should be taken back to her bed when she is sleepy again. She is old enough to understand boundaries and it’s time to set them. Just like wearing her seatbelt in the car, it is just the way it is, non negotiable. IMHO staying in the parental bed at this age will do more harm than good. Shift your focus from not getting enough sex to doing what’s right for the child. For this to succeed however you and your wife will need to present a united front.
5Likes
12 years with kids in bed 
