Man to man. I have been on the OTHER side of this problem so first - be really careful because it HURTs to hear this. My wife was quite turned off by how thin I was. Anyway I fixed it and her desire level went back to where it used to be - very nice.
The "safe" way to do this is to tell her that you want for BOTH of you to take steps toward a more healthy lifestyle. This means that you will STOP buying problem foods at grocery store and start walking/biking regularly.
Just an aside: Before we married I pushed my wife for us to BOTH commit to staying really fit. She was upset about my request and asked me - are you saying you won't want me, won't want to stay together if I get fat? I just kept repeating: Passion is a beautiful part of marriage, part of passion for ME is fitness. Fat is a turnoff - sorry.
So when I had gotten too thin she HAMMERED me with the whole double standard thing. So back to the gym - ate a lot more. LOL.
Be ready for your wife to DIRECTLY ask you about her weight. I think the safest answer is this: You know I love you and am totally committed to our marriage. You also know that to some degree, a male erection is an "automatic" response - not something we choose to have or not. My erection is just not happening so well since you gained weight. And I am truly sorry for that. And then just be contrite and keep repeating. Do NOT retract that statement. Because lying about this will not help your marriage.
If you help her with healthy eating and exercise and she WANTS to lose weight, she will.
PS: The whole premarital fitness thing was because ALMOST ALL the women in my parents social circle got seriously fat after marriage. And they thought it was totally fine. Catch your man, after that do whatever you want. I think that is a very unloving mindset.
Originally Posted by BrianSq
Been with my wife for 20+ years. Always Faithful(Both). Not to be shallow, but my wife has put on some weight (not excessive)and I do not feel sexually attracted. She is interested but I can not seem to muster any. I don't want to tell her why, as I do not want to hurt her feelings. Any suggestions?