Re: Help! Why doesn't my husband want me anymore?
I could have wrote this myself. My husband has a low desire too. The advice I got as well is to go out with my friends, and leave him hanging a little, but not too much. Some advice he gave me was to stop talking about our sex life, even in therapy. I said to him that when we didnt talk about it, we still had the same issue... but it was not an issue to him bc we were having the right amount and timing and type of sex for HIM... so there was no issue. It is a difference between men and women... liking to talk about stuf vs not talking about stuff.
For what its worth, I have backed off talking about it, and he has now said yes to me when I wanted it (albeit once, but it was still a yes). He also just put his arms around me when he kissed me goodbye this morning (usually its just a kiss with his arms at his sides).
You have been together much longer than we have so the patterns and resentments are much further entrenched than ours. So the advice here to go out and do your thing (I got the same advice) seems like a good thing to do. Getting yourself into awesome shape is a definite plus... men are visual. Now, stop talking about it, and that includes any little comments that have anything to do with sex, period, for a while. Let him go on that trip and say get a lap dance for me! Maybe not that, but say to him "I know I have not been wanting you to go on that trip, but it seems very important to you, so go have fun you awesome husband of mine!" Show him that you trust his fidelity going out with the guys and doing that by saying this to him. Its worth a try isnt it, what have you got to lose? He may feel trapped and resentful at your not wanting him to go... perhaps he may even feel like you are trying to control him. Be his cheerleader, and maybe he will become yours again.