Re: are guys really "too tired" to have sex?
when i was reading your post, i was amazed, it sounds like me nearly word for word. only difference is that my child is 7. i am a little overweight, but not much, i am the same weight as i was when i met my man.
he is always "too tired" to have sex. he told me he's just trying to be nice when he sais that and when i try to bring it up it's "not the right time to discuss that" or he "doesn't know why" or, worse yet, he blows up, goes defensive and tries to make everything my fault so i'm scared to even mention anything.
he watches porn any chance he gets, as soon as i step foot outside the house. every time. we used to have a lot of sex and we are still young, neither of us has changed much since we first met.
the only clue he ever gives me is that he has repeatedly stated that sex is "too much work and not worth it for him" sometimes i just want to give him a BJ...how much work is just laying there?? i offer to do the work, but he doesn't like it because he knows i don't really get into being on top.
he has a heart condition that's somewhat common. i can't place what it's called but it makes you pass out sometimes during super high stress situations. i've never seen him pass out but he said it happened to him a couple times. he told me that he used to have a lot of trouble maintaining an erection because of this problem and it's shown a few times when we've had sex. it is not a problem to me, i never mention it, but i think maybe he might be self conscious.
i think some of the problem is that he is somewhat embarrassed and maybe, for him, sex is a lot of work because he has this preconceeded notion that he has to "rock my world" and last for an hour to be worthwhile and he thinks he can't so he just avoids it altogether. he will NEVER admit this. we have argued about the fact that i don't have to have an orgasm to enjoy making love to my husband! he said a man isn't good unless he gives his lover an orgasm, and i'm very difficult. i think it kills his ego to the point where he's afraid to even try for fear of feeling like a failure.
sex isn't what it used to be. it never will be, we are past the "new lover" stage and can never get those feelings back. he loves me, very much. he cuddles with me every night. i KNOW he's not cheating on me. it's so frustrating to not feel attractive to my own husband. the best sex we have is when i get him drunk. sad.
anyway, my point is this: maybe your hubby is having some kind of problem with his own sexuality that embarrasses him. have you noticed anything with his performance? maybe he works with people who say things that make him feel bad about himself sexually? does he hang out with a lot of other guys? does he have many friends?
i'm not sure what to say, i'm in the same boat as you. i hate this boat.