Too Fast?
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Sex in Marriage Sexual problems are common in many relationships. This section is for discussions about sexuality. Please limit discussions to those asking for help with a problem and those offering advice. Any other threads may be deleted.

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Old 09-14-2009, 09:26 PM   #1 (permalink)
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Default Too Fast?

maybe i was too excited or something...

when i met my husband, he had a very limited list of sexual experiences (which he wanted to change) due to very few girlfriends in his life and the ones he did have all were very "bedroom only, missionary style, no BJ, etc." type girls.

i have had a very deviant sexual lifestyle.

within the first year of knowing my husband, i fufilled his list of sexual desires and then some. things like sex outside, threesomes, toys, etc.

my problems is that now the sex has nearly stopped and i am at a loss for what to do to 'spice it up'.

we've done so much that, i feel, there's not much left to do and he's tasted exciting sex so any 'normal' sex we might have is just boring to him. he's been sexually desensitized.

how do i 'spice up' an over spiced sex life? did i go too fast? should i have saved some for this very situation? no use pining over that now, i suppose.

but now what?

my hubby is uninterested in sex. he has issues, i know it's not me, but could this be the problem? i'm not bored with our sex (when we do have it) but, do guys really need many different things to be happy?

i do notice we always have sex when in new places such as hotels. is he bored? is it THAT serious of a problem? how do i fix it?



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Old 09-14-2009, 09:50 PM   #2 (permalink)
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Default Re: Too Fast?

what about the emotional depth to your sex life? it sounds like the lust and fun is all there, but maybe the emotional, loving side could now be worked on? maybe he feels an emotional disconnect?
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Old 09-14-2009, 10:47 PM   #3 (permalink)
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Default Re: Too Fast?

How well do you know what is sexual behavior pattern is? Nothing wrong with masturbation unless it gets in the way of keeping your partner satisfied.

How often do you think he is entertaining himself and how often is he willing to entertain "you" if you initiate?

>>>>>>>>>>>
If he has ANY performance anxiety - the big Viagra - actually the little tablet 25 mg typically works like magic


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Originally Posted by Blanca View Post
what about the emotional depth to your sex life? it sounds like the lust and fun is all there, but maybe the emotional, loving side could now be worked on? maybe he feels an emotional disconnect?
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Old 09-15-2009, 08:20 AM   #4 (permalink)
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Default Re: Too Fast?

This hits home a bit. I have been with my wife for 3 years and the sex has been unbeleivable. She is very sexual and we do all the things you walk about here as well as some others. I love sex with her but lately have had trouble having orgasiums and I think it is the desensitize thing. Note I am older than her, 48 vs 38, and do use Viagra sometimes but just because you have a nice erection does not mean you are that much more into it. We do some crazy stuff that really got me off a couple of years ago and now it is like, ho-hum. We often have sex every day (sometimes 2 -3 times per day) which I think contributes to my lack of interest, so we jointly decided to not have sex for a week (well, she says how about until this weekend?) For us this is huge but it is fun already. We are teasing each other about it, wrestleing around in bed and I really suspect when we do it next it will be a blast! Maybe you guys need to try this too? I will let you know how this works for us.
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Old 09-15-2009, 10:23 AM   #5 (permalink)
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Default Re: Too Fast?

I think you need to work on the emotional side of the relationship. Instead of wild and crazy, try slow and sensual. Talking, touching, teasing. But don't have sex. Do this to heighten things when you do have it.
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Old 09-16-2009, 02:51 AM   #6 (permalink)
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Default Re: Too Fast?

okay...this might change the topic a bit....but it's my thread so i think i can.

i spoke to my husband about the problems we have been having and this is what he said...

i'm too easy.

he wants me to play hard to get. everything we did at first was great and fun and exciting, but now he wants the excitement again of having to 'work' for his sex. he wants me to say no and be coy, rib on him and flirt. he wants the challenge of first time sex...but how do i achieve this after having sex with the same man thousands of times?

he's super smart and sometimes sais things that make me feel a little bit....small. i have low self esteem and he amplifies it with things he sais or his lack of sexual affection towards me. how do i get him interested enough in me to be able to play coy? and, i'm not a good actress. i feel so foolish sometimes. how do i get this 'first time' excitement for him when he won't notice me and i'm afraid of rejection from him?

he has been somewhat desensitized somewhat, he said he is kinda bored, but he said he thinks the thrill of the chase will help the excitement issues.

i like what was said before about not having sex and teasing. teasing without the pressure of sex sounds great. our sex life has slowed down to nearly nothing though....but denying sex and teasing sounds like an interesting start.

also working on love.

we love eachother very much. we cuddle every night and kiss and hug, etc. all that mushy stuff. we have only 'made love' (how i view it) maybe 5 times in the whole 2 years. i aven't really thought about it, but maybe that's right. we should work on that, too.

thanks!
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Old 09-16-2009, 07:07 AM   #7 (permalink)
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Default Re: Too Fast?

Wow, that is great HE was able to tell you exactly what he wants! I can understand feeling silly doing that which you dont know if you can do... ie not being a good actress. Since he was able to tell you exactly what he is missing, then try to play with it. At least you know! Best of luck
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Old 09-17-2009, 06:23 AM   #8 (permalink)
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Default Re: Too Fast?

sounds very hopeful for you now that you know what he wants. Keep trying to do that, you can do it!!
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Old 09-17-2009, 10:25 AM   #9 (permalink)
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Default Re: Too Fast?

What Lizzie says below is truly a magical experience for a man. Magical. You will literally flood his entire system with endorphins. I have been on the receiving end of this treatment. Afterwards I am in this joyous, relaxed, loving state for quite some time.

You can do all this however and then NOT flip him over, and finish him. Get him crazily riled up and then give him a light peck on the cheek and go to sleep. He may beg, then you have to decide what to do.

You also might want to skip the french kissing/telling him what you want. He does not want you to pursue. But the massage - that WILL make any man rage with desire.



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Originally Posted by Lizzie60
I say... extra loooooooong foreplay...

First start up with a nice dinner (could be delivered).. good wine, soft music, scented candles, dress up in a real sexy dress... sexy underwear (garter belt, stockings) high heels...

After dinner, get up... slow dance.. kiss (French kiss) a lot.. whisper dirty stuff in his ears.. (what you feel like doing to him... what YOU want, etc.)... slowly take your clothes off.. except your sexy lingerie..

take him to the bedroom... to give him the massage of his life..have him lie down on his stomach... he can't touch you.. for now... use warm massage oil... with your hands slowly massage his back.. his shoulders (sexy music is still on).. massage each part of his body... then get on top.. rub his back with your body... let him feel your breasts against his back.. press your body hard on his butt.. then gently rub his balls (he's still lying on his back) between his thighs.. ask him to flip over.. then do the same slow massage with your body... take off your bra... keep the rest.. give him a nice 'visual'...

He should be just about to explode by now..

Then just use your imagination for the rest..

That should be fun..




Quote:
Originally Posted by Raiven View Post
okay...this might change the topic a bit....but it's my thread so i think i can.

i spoke to my husband about the problems we have been having and this is what he said...

i'm too easy.

he wants me to play hard to get. everything we did at first was great and fun and exciting, but now he wants the excitement again of having to 'work' for his sex. he wants me to say no and be coy, rib on him and flirt. he wants the challenge of first time sex...but how do i achieve this after having sex with the same man thousands of times?

he's super smart and sometimes sais things that make me feel a little bit....small. i have low self esteem and he amplifies it with things he sais or his lack of sexual affection towards me. how do i get him interested enough in me to be able to play coy? and, i'm not a good actress. i feel so foolish sometimes. how do i get this 'first time' excitement for him when he won't notice me and i'm afraid of rejection from him?

he has been somewhat desensitized somewhat, he said he is kinda bored, but he said he thinks the thrill of the chase will help the excitement issues.

i like what was said before about not having sex and teasing. teasing without the pressure of sex sounds great. our sex life has slowed down to nearly nothing though....but denying sex and teasing sounds like an interesting start.

also working on love.

we love eachother very much. we cuddle every night and kiss and hug, etc. all that mushy stuff. we have only 'made love' (how i view it) maybe 5 times in the whole 2 years. i aven't really thought about it, but maybe that's right. we should work on that, too.

thanks!
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