Re: Do men think "Down There" on a woman is gross?
I highly doubt it's you, but do you shower right beforehand? And, as for the moisture, I think most men love that too.
My husband baffles me. He wants to go down even when there's no time for sex. He loves it. So, I don't think your husband can speak for everyone on that one. However, maybe he knows the opposite to be true and is embarassed of his own feelings about it.
Could you compromise somehow and say, " You know, I really like it when you _____________. Is there anyway you could just do that for five minutes and then I'll do whatever you want me to do for you for five minutes?" Honestly, I don't know if you can change his mindset on the subject, but at least you could work out something where both of you can be pleasured the way you like. You could also ask him if htere's anything you could do to make it more pleasurable for him. Maybe there's something he wants but is afraid to ask.
__________________
--M22
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud..... it always perseveres.
Re: Do men think "Down There" on a woman is gross?
Quote:
Originally Posted by hubby
Blaze,
I am on the opposite side from you. I would love to spend hours down there, looking, tasting, feeling, and making her scream. However, I have not been able to do that for my wife since before we were married. Granted, we have had a pretty much sexless marriage for 11 years but now we have picked up the pace and we are making up for lost time. Still, however, she has not let me go down on her. She will give me a BJ 3 times a week but I have not been able to return the favor. I think it is a combination of a few things:
-Did not know what the hell I was doing when she let me do it. Did not even know where the clit or G spot was. Thought it was just lick and insert finger, silly teenager. Probably frustrated the hell out of her.
-She is a self conscious and shy person when it comes to this. But, I have noticed that she has starting trimming her lady parts which is REALLY HOT. So I think she might be coming around, so to speak.
-She does not O easily and is probably worried that she will not be able to O and I might get frustrated myself not being able to give her an O.
-She is generally a pretty stressful/anxious person and will not let herself relax enough to O. We probably need to have an overnight away from the kids for the first time. We have one planned in a month or so.
Any suggestions for the guy who wants to please his wife but his wife will not give him the opportunity?
Good luck Blaze, I do not know too many men who would pass up the opportunity to go down.
Much of it may be her inhibitions. It took me a short while to feel comfortable with it. i mean, that's REALLY in a woman's territory! All kinds of anxiety can build from worrying about the way it might taste to sensation, etc...
Maybe you caould take small steps to make hjer more relaxed.
__________________
--M22
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud..... it always perseveres.
Re: Do men think "Down There" on a woman is gross?
Quote:
Originally Posted by mommy22
Maybe you caould take small steps to make hjer more relaxed.
Like what? I give her massages, downtime, etc. Anytime we go for a session, the kids are usually awake and we have to go in the closet and we don't have much time. I have suggested a few times that we wait until after the kids go to bed so we can take more time but she says that she is too tire then. I think she is afraid to do it when she has an opportunity to be more relaxed and wants an excuse to make it quick.
Re: Do men think "Down There" on a woman is gross?
Does she orgasm when it's quick? I finally sat my husband down a year or so ago and told him that I know how much he enjoys pleasing me but sometimes I feel pressure to orgasm and worry that if I don't it will hurt him. So, I used to fake it. Then, I felt like I was lying to him by doing that. Once, I talked to him about my anxiety, he understood and it made him feel better about the situation. He then said that he promised not to take it personally if I couldn't for whatever reason. I've actually found that I orgasm quicker now than I used to just because I don't feel the self-induced pressure. Why don't you just find a time to ask her if she's feeling pressured by herself? The anxiety can cause a woman's body to shut down.
As far as other ideas, sometimes it heightens things to tease her. You could kiss all around it to make her wheels start turning. I think men can sometimes want to jump in there too quick when all that's needed is some teasing to create desire.
__________________
--M22
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud..... it always perseveres.
Re: Do men think "Down There" on a woman is gross?
Sorry to hog the thread...
I really don't think I have ever given her an O. Maybe with oral or fingers at the beginning but definitely not with intercourse. Looking back, not sure if I even got her there with foreplay.
She can barely get herself there, only with a lot of time, a toy, and by herself. She says it is not even worth the effort sometimes.
It definitely has a lot to do with anxiety. She is pretty stressed out the whole day until the kids get to sleep, then she is exhausted. She does make time for me, but I think it really is just for me, not for her. I have no complaints about what she does for me.
I would totally love to take my time and tease her, but more than half the time she literally tells me that we need to make it quick (usually b/c the kids are restless). So instead, I try to tease her throughout the day with notes, touches, looks, etc.
The other potential issue may be control. She is totally in control of our sex life (and almost everything in our life for that matter). I let it go because it eases the pressure for sex so that it is on her time, etc. However, that means she will not let herself lose control during sex and I end up feeling really inhibited because I can’t try anything new with her without asking first, literally.
Ah, maybe we just need more time, but any other suggestions are welcomed.
Re: Do men think "Down There" on a woman is gross?
Hubby, LOL @ the landscaping question. Don't mind TMI questions here. Keep in mind please that I haven't asked hubby to do anything orally on me, so with that I'll tell you that I've never shaved my nether regions a day in my life. 100% natural. Not sure if having a full "head" (ahem) of hair would have anything to do with him putting his hand there to pleasure me, though. In the 27 years I've known him, he's never suggested me trimming or getting a Brazillian, etc. But I can ask him.
Mommy22, We're both a fanatic for keeping clean, head to toe. Before relations with hubby, I'll shower. We both do, actually. We always have been like that - guess out of respect. 'Course that tends to ruin the mood if we're being spontaneous and just want a quickie. Still, we feel it'd ruin the mood much more if one of us "opens up" (lol, so to speak) and day-old koochie stank waifts up and fills the room. LOL Hey, it's happened to us, and we learned from that lesson biiiiiiig time.
Re: Do men think "Down There" on a woman is gross?
Lizzie, you're absolutely right to ask me "why now". Excellent question.
The only answers I can offer are that (1) I'm on the cusp of entering Menopause (complete with hot flashes, thank you very much .. ugh) and I believe my hormone fluctuation may be causing an excessive surge in 'desires'; which I find suprising as I always thought menopause would offer the complete opposite effect. (knock on wood, I hope it contiunes!!! Have a OB/GYN appt in a month just to check things out.)
Also (2) for the past 4 years, I've been under an incredible amount of personal stress and just this past month everything finally settled down, I've tied up numerous loose ends and I'm simply ... relaxed. Finally!!! I'm a completely different person when not under stress.
Also (3) I've accepted our love life for those 20 years, only to recently read some cheap trashy romance novel and at the smut parts (omg, gotta love those!) they went into this in-depth description of the love making and some lightbulb sort of went off in my head.... "hey maybe that's how it's supposed to be with us too?" and I let my imagination go and now I'm questioning stuff.
Hope that answers "why now".
And yes, I am an incredibly patient person, by nature. I do love my husband, dearly, and while this issue may bother me now it truly hasn't bothered me in all the years past because I simply accepted his wishes (not to mention been busy and/or stressed out). Now, I guess I'm questioning authority, so to speak. LOL And yes, even though I do not receive oral (which I don't ask for and probably never will; but I would love some hand action) I 'give' him oral pleasure as that gives me enjoyment too.
Or.. maybe I'm just slow on the up-take. Real slow.
Re: Do men think "Down There" on a woman is gross?
Update
Update
Update
Ok, you guys have been great at your replies and I'd like to thank everyone for that. You definitely deserve to get a bit of an update from me.
Ok ok.. so today I get all revved up after shopping pretty much all day for a new perfume, some jewelry and some awesome lingerie. He calls at his usual time this afternoon to announce he'll be home in 20 minutes, to which I ask him if he'd like sex today (which is totally not like me to ask that.. LOL). He got a little quiet and asked if that's before or after dinner, and I said, "you pick". He chose to eat first. No problemo. I'm sort of a Stepford Wife and have dinner on the table waiting for him when he gets home so no biggie, that's a given anyway. So dinner's on the table and we eat. I wasn't in the mood for food what so ever (LOL) so I took a few bites and said I'll be in the shower.
Long story short (sorry to disappoint! LOL), we had a lot of fun tonight! He loved my hot pink and orange teddy and I got him so aroused that he was willing to touch me "down there" a little bit. Yay! Ok, so it wasn't perfect and I realize it's going to take a little more time, that's fine. We talked a lot, which was awesome - we truly needed to. I've requested that for the next week (at least) he's to come home, eat dinner, shower and we're spending time in bed even if it doesn't end up in us releasing, we are just going to have some "us" time together no matter what. I thinking that will help us loosen things up and open the door to communication and hopefully with any luck get him over this 'gross out' thing he's got with my "down there" area.
Side note: Like many men, he often says he wished I was a little more assertive when it comes to initializing sex. I took the hint and now that I'm assertive he's a little taken back. Weird, huh? He's so used to asking me for it that he's not used to me being the one to ask for stuff. LOL
Re: Do men think "Down There" on a woman is gross?
I never shaved until a little over four and a half years ago....I was too inhibited....Sometimes I think back and wonder who that woman inside of me was all those years?... What a waste of life.....Thankfully, she woke up.....
Last edited by CarolineMRF; 09-16-2009 at 11:18 PM.
Reason: changed some words in it....
Re: Do men think "Down There" on a woman is gross?
Lizzie, Yikes, I don't feel flirting with another man while my husband watches (or not watches) will solve anything. I certainly wouldn't appreciate if he did that to me, were the shoe were on the other foot. Thank you for your caring opinion that you feel my love life is...how did you say... "omg how boring".
Caroline, Odd as this apparently sounds to most readers, I'm truly not interested in receiving oral from my husband. I never said I was. At this time I just wish to be touched in a loving way - that is honestly enough for me.
Re: Do men think "Down There" on a woman is gross?
Quote:
Originally Posted by Blaze
Lizzie, Yikes, I don't feel flirting with another man while my husband watches (or not watches) will solve anything. I certainly wouldn't appreciate if he did that to me, were the shoe were on the other foot. Thank you for your caring opinion that you feel my love life is...how did you say... "omg how boring".
Caroline, Odd as this apparently sounds to most readers, I'm truly not interested in receiving oral from my husband. I never said I was. At this time I just wish to be touched in a loving way - that is honestly enough for me.
Boring perhaps. Cest la vie.
Blaze
Not really odd...I am sure that many women feel like you....Each of us is different...Such is life...
Re: Do men think "Down There" on a woman is gross?
Not sure if having a full "head" (ahem) of hair would have anything to do with him putting his hand there to pleasure me, though. In the 27 years I've known him, he's never suggested me trimming or getting a Brazillian, etc. But I can ask him.
