Hubby and I rarely have sex...I just dont have sex withhim becuase its not satisfying. When we do have sex, I try to make it great but he is boring. He doesnt like the sex toys I bought, he hates the ramp (which I think is great), he doesnt like to watch porn (oh that because I found out he like to watch gay porn and not the girl/girl one), we either in missionary (which I despise with a passion) or me on top. He wants me to go perform oral sex often but why should I if I get no pleasure. There is no foreplay or anyhing leading up to intercourse...all he does is touch the breast and ok he's ready to go....He doesnt like to look at me when we having sex. Everytime I try to make eye contact he closes his eyes. He says he feels weirded out when making eye contact. I just have no sensation when he is inside. OMG sex is horrible with my husband and 'll gladly deny him sex for as long as possible until he gets the clue to perform foreplay or something.
To be honest, the only time I enjoy sex with him is when there is another female involved. other than that I dont want him. He's like a boring 2 position no gimmick robot. I even encourage him to go out and get some experience. Not making this post an advice but just describing my sex life.
Oh the the one time we had the best sex this year was when I got my first orgasm EVER, and that was becuase we were attemtping to have sex all day but the kids kept interrupting us. So when we finally got down to doing it later that night, I exploded. Maybe the kids should interrupt us more often.
I agree with littlecat123..try to help her with the little one more and do some nice things more often like rub her feet or shoulders, pour her a glass of wine or make her some tea and put the little one to bed..Do the dishes if she cooks, or cook her dinner occasionally.
Foreplay is so important to women because it takes us time to "warm up" where you guys are ready. Maybe wake earlier in the morning before the little one, when she's not so tired. And kissing definitely warms us up and gives us time to feel the desire!
Find a sitter if you can so you two can get out once a week for date...so important to have that alone time! My husband and I would try to get away for an overnight alone when we were younger and the kids were little....Of course the Grandparents made that possible. A hotel room is a wonderful place for a woman to relax because all of the chores are not staring her in the face. Try to find one with a in-room jacuzzi tub if you can!
I used to always be available to my husband whether or not I was in the mood, because I understood how much men need it. For us it was almost every day! I still am but his libido is different now due to marriage issues, so our sexual relationship is not like it was (not as often). I am hoping it will be back to normal in the future.
Try not to argue about the subject, but ask to discuss it calmly and explain to her that this is really important to you without getting emotional.
Try to be patient. If necessary, seek a counselor whom specializes in sex therapy. This thread at least should make you feel better that you are not alone! Hope this helps..good luck!
Please, Please,Please don't fall into that trap!!!! I've been there and done that. It's not worth it! Ask for a divorce before you bring a third party into a marriage that God intended for two. I regret it on a daily basis and my self-worth has plummeted because of it. I feel blemished for life. My husband has forgiven me, but forgiving myself is a different story!
I just thought that I'd chime in with an up-date on my situation.
My Wife and I's sex life got better for a little while and now is back to a bad place again. She has a million and one excuses, most pretty valid, for not having the drive or desire to have sex as much as I would like, but I got sick of caring and so stopped caring about them.
I have been handling it (the lack of sex) better than I used to just a few months ago, mostly because I just don't care anymore, which is not a good thing, but we don't argue about it anymore at least.
It's been about a month since the last time we did "it", possibly longer I forgot exactly. Just this past Saturday I brought it up, I really hate asking and didn't want to, but I did because she pissed me off by luring me to bed with the promise of sex if I massaged her. I did my part and she flaked on me, I let it go, but asked her, calmly and without a tone, what is going on with her. She told me that she's been feeling sad lately because the anniversary of her Grandfathers death was coming up and it's been bothering her. Like I said, yet another valid reason for her not being in the mood, but just how patient is a man supposed to be exactly before enough is enough?
I'm not angry anymore and not in a big hurry to get it elsewhere, as I was not too long ago. I've been taking care of myself and keeping from doing too much for her, since she doesn't deserve it, that's the way I keep from resenting her.
She knows this and has been pretty cool about it because she knows not to push me too far. The next day, just to make sure that there was no misunderstandings, I told her that I didn't appreciate her tricking me into massaging her and she said I know, I know. She was super cool and accommodating the next day, letting me lounge and not bugging me at all. I knew that it was just because she knew she messed up and so the gesture was hollow, but I accepted it.
We haven't argued and we are cool, but she is loosing me emotionally if she hasn't already pushed me too far, she is close.
Now I'm more worried about getting over my resentment, something that I'm not too good about doing.
I have read many threads on this forum, what is jumping out at me is how the ladies like their needs catered to and they will reward us with intimacy......maybe. I know alot of them will disagree but that is what I am reading. "rub her feet, give her flowers, help her with the housework, yadda yadda."
Well all that just doesn't work for me (and apparently many others). I have "chased" my wife around for 18 years, getting it sometimes and mostly not. Making love to her and ONLY HER is my idea of the ultimate show of love and affection. I don't require it to be raunchy, play acting, toy using euphoria. During times of regular sex (rare as they were) i was much happier and consequently she was too, why is this hard for her to understand. Before i hear the "yeah, but now your getting what you want first" argument, and the thing i probably understand about it the least is, she seems to enjoy sex immensly when it does occur. Why wouldn't that prompt her to seek it more often?
I still feel that sex is used as a weapon. I still feel, like alot of the men on here, that she either doesn't understand my needs or more than likely doesn't care. I have tried her way, it didn't change anything. If and when I stray, i would like to think she could look at herself in the mirror and take some responsibility for my choice, right now i feel like i have none. Nothing good will come of it.
If and when I stray, i would like to think she could look at herself in the mirror and take some responsibility for my choice, right now i feel like i have none. Nothing good will come of it.
Your wife is not responsible at all for your choices.
the thing i probably understand about it the least is, she seems to enjoy sex immensly when it does occur. Why wouldn't that prompt her to seek it more often?
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I still feel that sex is used as a weapon. I still feel, like alot of the men on here, that she either doesn't understand my needs or more than likely doesn't care.
I can tell you from my perspective, that sex isn't something I normally think about throughout the day and although it is enjoyable at the time, prior to that it can feel more like another chore on the list if I'm just really tired so if I'm only thinking about what I want, sleep can easily take priority over initiating.
It wasn't until I did some reading and found this forum that I better understood sex from a man's perspective. I truly want my husband to be fulfilled and happy within our marriage so I make a point to keep my priorities in check and to be honest, the more frequent it is, the more I do think about it and want to initiate.
On the flip side, I have never used it as a weapon or type of control over my husband...when I was lacking in that department, it was because I was feeling unloved/unappreciated and honestly had no desire to be intimate. My husband has always been good about bringing me flowers, hugs, kisses, but I was really just needing to feel that he wanted to spend time with me/us as a family and felt he'd rather be anywhere else, work/gym/etc. So here he thought he was doing everything possible and must have been frustrated that it wasn't working. The 5 Love Languages book helped us both to understand one another better.
If you asked your wife the 5 top things she would do if her #1 goal is to make you happy, do you think she'd get it right?
What would you do to make her happy? Are you certain you have it right?
Once you know what these things are, and are both in an open discussion about them and WANT to implement them because you truly want your spouse to be happy, it all falls into place.
as for the kids as "blockers" yea been down that road...we have to find the time to "play" sometimes we sneak up for a quickie" othertimes we find the time, or I bring my wife over to the hallway and make out with her a few minutes like teenagers, then let her know I will be chasing her until I get some....Makes the long day a little funner.
ok ok, it's a choice i'm going to make because my wife has chosen to stop the intimacy...i agree. i could have worded it differently
It's not just the wording. You seem to think that cheating on her is going to bring about this "oh no, look what I did!" reaction from your wife, where she will take the blame and try to change.
You're playing games with her and relationships shouldn't be manipulative games we play.
The more likely consequence of your cheating would be that she gets angry at you and turns you into the "bad" person, making herself the victim. All of this decreases the likelihood of you achieving your goal which is having more sex, and it could destroy your relationship further in the process.
2 wrongs don't make a "right." Be the better person and find healthier solutions to your problems.
I feel you brother. I will probably end up getting it somewhere else when I get the opportunity. I also feel like I have done enough and if she doesn't care then it's none of her business anymore. She forfeited any say, after neglecting me and plain not caring.
It's not hard for us guys to separate sex from love, so the act of doing it with someone else isn't really detrimental to my relationship or feelings towards my Wife. The games and or neglect is killing my feelings of love for her though. That's what has me more concerned now, I would never leave her for not being willing or able to give me sex, but I might if I just plain don't love her and can't stand to be around her anymore. That won't happen until my Son is older and out the house though from my end at least.
I think she will leave me first when she figures out that I'm dead inside for her, so I need to keep that, like my sexual needs, to myself.
I say go get yours and come back and continue your sexless yet healthy relationship in peace, if the lack of sex is the only problem. Do it fast before you grow to hate and resent her, then it might be too late and no amount of sex with anyone can fix that.
Re: Limited Sex - Arguments
w/Chris H.
