men chase my H - help
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Sex in Marriage Sexual problems are common in many relationships. This section is for discussions about sexuality. Please limit discussions to those asking for help with a problem and those offering advice. Any other threads may be deleted.

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Old 09-26-2009, 09:56 PM   #1 (permalink)
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Default men chase my H - help

Long story, but my H is straight, but has fallen once while wasted to a guy who gave him a BJ. I say this because I need to know from others out there...
It happens more than I like, gay guys go after my H. What are they picking up on. He's Mr. nice guy and claims to not 'see' it. Thoughts? Am I/is HE confused? We have great sex. What's the deal???
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Old 09-26-2009, 10:50 PM   #2 (permalink)
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Default Re: men chase my H - help

I think there is no problem, I have done some crazy stuff while wasted or even just all "sexed up". If he does it again or more, then you might have a problem.
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Old 09-27-2009, 01:49 PM   #3 (permalink)
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Its not so much what he did in the past. I'm trying to figure out what he 'sending out' that is attracting gay men? AND I see it in an instant, and he claims to not see it. He is a straight up pleasure seeker for sure. He is always so animated and nice to everyone - shows great interest that I've told him before sends a message of perhaps 'greater interest' to people - men and women alike. And he's very handsome to boot. Just trying to understand if its just innocently that? Or is he sending some non-verbals that say 'go for it'?
And to your point, I guess I can say, I am nervous about it. happening again.
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Old 09-27-2009, 03:41 PM   #4 (permalink)
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Default Re: men chase my H - help

He may not be gay, but maybe curious? Im bisexual and normally gay/bisexual male and females can almost instantly tell if another male or female is gay and/or bisexual. There's always somethin about a person that makes you think if they're straight or if they're gay. But if your husband doesn't show interest in other guys, then I'm sure there's nothin to worry about.
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Old 09-27-2009, 09:45 PM   #5 (permalink)
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Default Re: men chase my H - help

Thanks amberlynn. A follow up...
I thought what you said would be the case, and I'm sure my H isn't interested in guys. But he's the kind of guy who is a pleasure seeker - and likes to attract in general - for anything from good conversation to admiration to erotic gratification - even if not physical.
How can I get him to understand that he is attracting guys - and that he needs to be aware of what he's sending IF he really doesn't want to attract them. I've had to have this conversation about other women too. He's an open minded person, we both are. But this kind of message is a tough one to process.
This guy the other night was practically jumping on him - and not just me, his jelous W, noticed. But when I discussed it with him (because he didn't dismiss the guy strongly enough in my opinion) he acted shocked like I was out of my mind. He repeatedly said as if in shock "I did nothing wrong." Almost like maybe he did notice and really wished it didn't happen - almost felt assaulted.
How can I get him to understand - kindly?
AND - IF he is bi - but doesn't get guy sex, is he not fulfilled? Can a bi get by being fully satisfied with only one side? As said our sex is great and frequent. But we've hit hard times in the past and I worry that he'll get bored (again) with me and rather than have (another) affair with an OW, he'll seek out a guy because it won't feel as much like cheating?
Sorry, the question is can a bi feel fully satisfied if only getting from a woman? If no, what can a woman do to satisfy that other side?
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Old 09-27-2009, 10:27 PM   #6 (permalink)
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Originally Posted by What? View Post
Thanks amberlynn. A follow up...
I thought what you said would be the case, and I'm sure my H isn't interested in guys. But he's the kind of guy who is a pleasure seeker - and likes to attract in general - for anything from good conversation to admiration to erotic gratification - even if not physical.
How can I get him to understand that he is attracting guys - and that he needs to be aware of what he's sending IF he really doesn't want to attract them. I've had to have this conversation about other women too. He's an open minded person, we both are. But this kind of message is a tough one to process.
This guy the other night was practically jumping on him - and not just me, his jelous W, noticed. But when I discussed it with him (because he didn't dismiss the guy strongly enough in my opinion) he acted shocked like I was out of my mind. He repeatedly said as if in shock "I did nothing wrong." Almost like maybe he did notice and really wished it didn't happen - almost felt assaulted.
How can I get him to understand - kindly?
AND - IF he is bi - but doesn't get guy sex, is he not fulfilled? Can a bi get by being fully satisfied with only one side? As said our sex is great and frequent. But we've hit hard times in the past and I worry that he'll get bored (again) with me and rather than have (another) affair with an OW, he'll seek out a guy because it won't feel as much like cheating?
Sorry, the question is can a bi feel fully satisfied if only getting from a woman? If no, what can a woman do to satisfy that other side?
Im fully satisfied with just my H, every now and then i get in the mood for some female action, but my H knows how to pleasure me right to get me outta that mood...IF your H is bi and he comes "out the closest" to you, then i would suggest buying a strap on, maybe it would pleasure his needs, and might even be kinky on your end. There's plenty of sex toys that please both man and woman in the bedroom for both the bi/gay orientation, you could always just experiment and see what he likes, IF he's bi-curious.
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Old 09-27-2009, 10:31 PM   #7 (permalink)
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Default Re: men chase my H - help

I'm getting great ideas. just read some of the other related posts - like your's about your request to you H. LOL. Thank you so much. This really helps.
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Old 09-27-2009, 10:39 PM   #8 (permalink)
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I'm getting great ideas. just read some of the other related posts - like your's about your request to you H. LOL. Thank you so much. This really helps.
Glad I could help =) Ive been tryin to talk my H into letting me try kinkier stuff with him in the bedroom, experiment with things.. but for some reason or another he always says "im not gay" ... bugs me.. but I hope things work out with your husband, maybe things will turn around for you.
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Old 09-28-2009, 12:47 PM   #9 (permalink)
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Default Re: men chase my H - help

Use of a strap on in a male female relationship does not mean the man is bi or gay. Lots of men love it when their prostate gland is stimulated....it triggers some VERY intense orgasms. Too many guys get caught up in the stigma associated with anal sex/ men. My H and I were just talking about this, and we are both very open to the idea of a strap on. It would definitely be a reversal of power in our relationship, and I've been looking around and there are double dildo strap on's...so we could both be getting off at the same time.
What?>>> maybe your husband just has a certain look that attracts gays. Same thing happens to my H sometimes, we have a friend that would prolly jump at the chance to be with BOTH of us, and he is male. It would never happen, but because my H has not tried to strangle him over it, the friend feels comfortable enough to let a joke or innuendo slide once in a while. However, if its a situation that makes YOU uncomfortable, you and your H need to come to an understanding that he needs to lay out some specific boundaries with your non- hetero friends. I myself have always been a lesbian magnet, but i'm just not interested, but it does not offend either me or my H.
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Old 09-28-2009, 12:49 PM   #10 (permalink)
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Default Re: men chase my H - help

Mommybean -- look up feeldoe.
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Old 09-28-2009, 01:00 PM   #11 (permalink)
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Mommybean -- look up feeldoe.
already have Dobo..looks quite intriguing also. What can I say, I love that my H and I can feed our kinkier sides with each other!!
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