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Navigation »Talk About Marriage »Focused Topics »Sex in Marriage » How to get rid of resentment

Sex in Marriage Sexual problems are common in many relationships. This section is for discussions about sexuality. Please limit discussions to those asking for help with a problem and those offering advice. Any other threads may be deleted.

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Old 10-07-2009, 03:39 PM   #16 (permalink)
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Default Re: How to get rid of resentment

dobo and mem, both of your suggestions conflict. Looking at his earlier posts, he seems bored with married life in general. In addition, his wife seems to put him at the bottom of the list by ACTING like it. When people first start dating, you see them at their very best. After a couple of years of marriage, it seems like the mini-skirt gets traded in for sweats, a tee-shirt and comfort. HER comfort. It sounds to me like he wants back what he had before marriage and he feels resentful towards that. As an added bonus, her family likes to soak up his and her time with drama (my family is like that too so I don't answer the phone). My earlier post was merely an illustration of what HE may be looking for. The doesn't seem to start with her, the issue is his anger and resentment for what the marriage has turned into. Thoughts?
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Old 10-07-2009, 04:04 PM   #17 (permalink)
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Default Re: How to get rid of resentment

Thanks for all the comments, they, although some are of base, do help me figure this out.

I do miss the way we were, alot. We do not have kids and are pretty young. if growing old is this, I'll pass. I am to young to be on of those misrable husbands you see. I dont think I could ever be that period.

I really do not need her time, or have her be clinging to me. We are both very indepenant and do enjoy our own hobbies. I do miss the excitement level of our sex life. I am interested in keeping that alive, not just settling into a dpressing way of life and then die.

I try and think if I could be without her, and I do see myself doing so. I sure would miss her, and worry about her and her finnacial security, but I can deal with that.

Due to the economy, my firm has been hit hard and if I had seen this coming about 2-3 years ago when the nest egg was bigger, I would have left her everything and left with some cash and never looked back. I do have my magic number in my head, and when thats met, I do feel I would most likely leave unless we improved.

We did go to consuling a while back. I ws going for my job stress, and then a small portion about our marriage. She did come with about 3 times. In essense, she doens't she issues with her behaviour, but she does say she feels like a bad wife, so i am not really sure which one it is.

I come from a very independant family, her's is a complete nut house and she is pretty much the dumping ground for all her dead beat sisters/brothers and nurotic mother. It only saddens me to she her get bogged down by this, when she really needs to tell them to get lost. Again, not trying to fight for her time, just see her take care of herself.

I just get so resentful of constantly feeling like I an the one sucking it up and swallowing these issues. It has or could be the reason I am losing interest in he sexually.

Many thanks for all the replies, they all do help me figure this out.
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Old 10-07-2009, 04:09 PM   #18 (permalink)
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Default Re: How to get rid of resentment

I think Mem and I are on the same page, only Mem is a little more forceful than I would be.

I don't know what you're talking about what he had before marriage. And, I don't think that line of discussion is helpful to him if he wants to repair his marriage and his feelings about his environment.
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Old 10-07-2009, 04:23 PM   #19 (permalink)
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Default Re: How to get rid of resentment

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Originally Posted by dobo View Post
I think Mem and I are on the same page, only Mem is a little more forceful than I would be.

I don't know what you're talking about what he had before marriage. And, I don't think that line of discussion is helpful to him if he wants to repair his marriage and his feelings about his environment.
Could you expand on this a little more, dobo? I didn't try to solve anything. I'm only trying to understand what he is going through. Was something I said mean or incorrect?
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Old 10-07-2009, 04:40 PM   #20 (permalink)
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Default Re: How to get rid of resentment

He needs encouragement to confront his wife and to try to get out of his marriage what it is that he wants from it. Talking about mini-skirts and what he had before marriage is IMO, immature. You can't turn back the clock. All you can do is move forward.

Forward in this case is contronting wifey and forcing her to understand that he's reaching his limit.
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Old 10-07-2009, 04:56 PM   #21 (permalink)
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Default Re: How to get rid of resentment

Guys, while the comment about the mini skirts and banging like a screen door are off base, I'm not offended by them. It is pretty hard to spell out the whole situation in just a few simple posts.
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Old 10-07-2009, 05:07 PM   #22 (permalink)
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dobo, since I've come here, all I seem to get from you is how immature and arrogant I am. Obviously your site is way too mature for me. I guess trying to communicate on a different level is stupid too. Perhaps my problems with my own marriage can be traced back to this. Thank you, dobo. I will not post again to make sure that you have plenty of room for your advice. But I will say this, I now understand that what ever I did to my marriage, it is up to me to solve, not necessarily her. I thank mem and mjm and you too dobe and anybody else in this site who posted for me for my question. You have all helped me to understand a little better what kind of person I need to be. By the way dobo, I noticed that in this entire post, you didn't seem to ask any questions, just give answers. I thought engineers got to the root of an issue before solving it, but I guess that's why you own this forum, right?
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Old 10-07-2009, 05:35 PM   #23 (permalink)
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Default Re: How to get rid of resentment

Well Space, this is my post and I would perfer to not have this BS here when I am actually looking for constructive advice.

I DO appreciate your comments Space, albiet blunt, it has been the most useful yet. I don't need another Oprah based bunch of BS, the guy is always broken crap.

Anyway, some of this has shed light on my situatiion, thanks to you all. I guess I still have some figuring out to do on my stratgey.
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Old 10-08-2009, 01:42 AM   #24 (permalink)
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Default Re: How to get rid of resentment

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Originally Posted by The Space Cowboy View Post
Blanca, it kinda sounds like you just gave up. Am I reading your post right or is it something different?
ive given up on trying to change him. that's probably what you read.
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