kimkrys1

Hi, This is my very first post here and I am very upset right now. Last night, I tried to initiate sex (which I NEVER DO) while my husband was playing a football video game. I was naked and bent to kiss him. He kissed me but then grunted and moved so he could watch what was happening on t.v. he then looked up at me and said "OH NOW you CANT be mad at me!" I just went to bed. This is NOT the first time this has happened. I told him last time that I felt like he was rejecting me. He cant understand that. I would think most men would DIE for their wives to walk out naked for the "taking". He complains that I dont initiate sex, but when I do he turns it down. I didnt argue last night and he tried to initiate it AFTER he finished his game. I was obviously not in the mood. He told me today that I knew what would happen and that I shouldnt set myself up for that. I told him that I shouldnt be the last choice of things to do. After he has done everything else that he enjoys THEN he comes to me after I'm tired and asleep and not in the mood... its always when he wants it never when I want it... how can I not feel like I am being rejected? Is this normal? Please someone help me because I am feeling kinda low right now.

themrs

OMG. I can so relate to your post it's not even funny. You just described my marriage all of last year.

The only thing that worked for me was to stop nagging my husband all the other times when we weren't having sex. I just let him do what he wanted to do and when he came to bed (if I wasn't asleep), I'd have sex with him then. I just became the sweetest, most accomodating wife in the world and then he didn't want to avoid me by playing video games.

dobo

While I can understand that you wanted to beat the video game for attention, can you believe that there are some people that don't just flip switches and move from one thing to another with great ease?

Something like gaming demands a lot of concentration. You get into a zone. I'm ADD and I'm like that with most things. If I get into the zone, I *hate* to have to switch gears.

Maybe your timing wasn't so hot. You wanted him then and there and he was otherwise occupied. You were angry because you didn't get what you want.

You say it is always when he wants it and never when you want it, but then you also say you never initiate. This is a classic set up for the guy to fail. I bet he's been turned down a bunch by you, right? If you initiated more often, this one time that you did but were turned down wouldn't seem like such a big deal.

I know you feel like you made a special effort and you would have liked him to acknowledge it. And you could say that to him. It hurt your feelings. But the way you're going about the overall issue is going to cause more problems than you already have.

Also, you contradict yourself because you say you never initiate but then that this isn't the first time this has happened.

So what part of the story is accurate?

Maybe it would be helpful if you would avoid using words like "Never" and "Always". They're very black and white. And I suspect that this is a very grey area.

What is the actual truth? Try to remove your emotions and describe the actual truth.

MarkTwain

kimkrys1-

You say you never initiate sex. what caused you to initiate last night?

__________________
MT

okeydokie

i could not have said it better

kimkrys1

Last night was different because he and I had had sex all weekend which is unusual. I even let him get his quickie (which is what he always does). He knew my intentions and that I was "prepping" for it. I have initiated in the past sorry for saying "never" but was shot down. He has cheated on me once and I know it was a weak moment on his part... but of course I think that he is thinking of her when he turns me down or puts me on the back burner. I have tried the super sweet being at his ever beckon call and basically losing myself to make him see that I love him and want more as far as sex, but it doesnt work its as if he just wants more.

I cant understand not being able to drop a controller and grabbing the woman you love and make love to her... but I think it is possible.. because I suppose me asking him to wait until I finish supper with screaming kids in the background is sorta the same?

dobo

OK. Try again from the beginning. There is more here than this situation.

Please us paragraphs. Please describe the cheating.

I don't really think your asking him to wait while you're doing food/kids is the same, but it depends on where you're coming from. Kids/food are things you have to do because you're a mom/dad. Games well.... nah.

Give us more of the whole story. But please try to give us a fair picture or we can't give you feedback that you can use.