Sexless and unromantic married life - Talk About Marriage
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post #1 of 6 (permalink) Old 06-17-2013, 03:15 PM Thread Starter
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Sexless and unromantic married life

Hi All,

We have been married from 1.3 years.My husband is very unaffectionate and uncaring person.He is very unromantic.He doesn't like anything which is romantic.In 1st 3 months of our married life we had sex for 4-5 times.That too it was not much exciting.He just finished that as a duty.After that there is no sex life till today.Many times I tried to talk to him.I told him to share his feelings and problems any so that we can talk and resolve it.Or can take a treatment.He just says he doesn't have any problem.He don't talk to me freely.Whenever I open that topic he gets angry and starts shouting at me.I was always very polite with him and I am very friendly too and ready to share anything and everything.I told him we will consult marriage Councillors or sex therapists but he says he doesn't want to come n he doesn't have any problem.Not even single time he talks to me about that freely.Other then Kiss we don't do anything.

After 8 months of our marriage twice he went to abroad and now also he is in abroad.I am in India.Being away from each other also doesn't bother him.He is not caring and loving.He shows no interest to talk.Absolutely no Romantic talks.He is very much practical and thinks money is everything and interested in luxury life then Happy life.

I am frustrated..I am beautiful..have a good job too..I am very caring,affectionate and have high sex drive too. more then a year of frustrated life I have faced..I feel I am so lonely and he doesn't love me and doesn't show little affection also...

Whenever I talk that I am fed up of these things if you continue like this I will get divorce.But that also he misunderstands that and say if you need that go ahead and take.I am trying fix the things in all the way.But its of no use.He is not bothered about anything...It hurts a lot.
I have told him million times that we need to talk like a best friends and share everything so that we will not have any misunderstandings and can live happily by understanding each other's emotional and physical needs.But he never listen.

I feel I am just wasting my life for someone who is not deserved for me.I still want to save our relationship but don't know how

Please help.

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post #2 of 6 (permalink) Old 06-17-2013, 03:44 PM
Join Date: Feb 2013
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Re: Sexless and unromantic married life

Kinda sounds like he may have been sexually abused as a child/teen. Pressuring him can only push him into reliving it (if it's the problem). Talk to a counselor alone first, give the facts, and see what they say.
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post #3 of 6 (permalink) Old 06-17-2013, 03:54 PM
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Re: Sexless and unromantic married life

Was your marriage an arranged marriage?

It's almost impossible for you to "fix" it by yourself. And until your husband recognizes that there's a problem, he won't try to help. You threatening divorce and then backing down isn't helping; all you're doing is teaching him that you're not serious about your threats/boundaries/ultimatums.

Nobody here can tell you if he's not interested in sex, or just not interested in sex with you, unfortunately.

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post #4 of 6 (permalink) Old 06-18-2013, 01:59 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Sexless and unromantic married life

Thanks Kaboom and PBear for reply.
Yes.It was arranged marriage and we met through matrimony site.
Agree with Kaboom.Let me try to meet counselor.
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post #5 of 6 (permalink) Old 06-19-2013, 07:27 AM
Join Date: May 2013
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Re: Sexless and unromantic married life

.....The only thing you can control is your own actions. You can't make him see a counselor, or care that you are unhappy.

The only thing you can do is tell him what you need from the marriage, and ask if he is willing to do the work to make things better.

At that point, whatever his response is, it is your choice what to do with your life.

YOU CAN NOT force him to want change, by threats or anything else. All you can do is lay out your requirements for staying in the marriage. At that point, the ball is in his court, when he says if he is willing/not willing, then the ball is back in your court.
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post #6 of 6 (permalink) Old 06-19-2013, 02:28 PM
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Re: Sexless and unromantic married life

Definitely marriage counseling and therapy if needed. It sounds like he has some serious issues that need to come to light. Either he talks to you or go to a counselor.

If he won[t change and get help, divorce is an option because you are a great woman with so much to offer and deserve much better.
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