psychocandy

We had a chat last night about our sex life in general. She admitted that one of the reasons was she didnt really fancy me anymore.

So, time to do something about it I think. Need some pointers on what to do?

She says my weight isnt a problem - I'm a little overweight but not that bad. However, she says sometimes my breath smells bad or I do. I shower twice a day, use deodorant, clean my teeth etc.

Should I get new clothese myself and look a bit smarter?
Should I sort my hair our? Its going grey at the mo...

blind

Start carrying a pack of Orbitz or other minty gum. There are some treatable conditions that cause bad breath that you could see your dentist about.

Grab some AXE body spray. I don't know what brand of deodorant you use, but you might try something else. Maybe one of the those targeted toward athletes that are supposed to be stronger.

Find a cologne that she likes. Women seem to rave over the Abercrombie cologne. I've also had good luck with Black (Kenneth Cole), Euphoria (Calvin Klein) and Sexy for men (Victoria Secret). I've been told by many woman that they sometimes "notice" a guy they otherwise wouldn't simply because he smells sexy.

It never hurts to update the wardrobe from time to time. You don't have to go crazy and look like you walked out of GQ, but being a little more trendy often helps. Plus, if you are like me, you feel better when you feel you look better. Confidence is rarely a bad thing when it comes to being attractive.

I don't know that going gray is a big deal to many women. If it is an issue for your wife, then address it. If not, then don't. But you may want to think about a new hair style. Go to a salon and talk to the hair stylist about what she thinks might be a good choice.

Try and figure out what your wife finds attractive. Are her tastes more contemporary? Conservative? One thing I would warn you against is making changes that you aren't comfortable with. If you are self conscious you won't be sexy and attractive. You may need to make these changes slowly so you are comfortable and confident in your appearance. Also, try and look sharp around the house too. You don't have to be all fixed up all the time. But stained T-shirts and baggy sweat pants (while comfortable) aren't attractive to most women.

Just a few recommendations. Best of luck to you.

MEM11363

We have a routine at home. We both shower just before bed. Not to be silly but we have a soap that she likes and I use it everywhere so I am super clean and smell that way when I get in bed.

Brush teeth right after shower.

We do one quick kiss and both say: IMBO - is my breath ok?

I avoid foods/garlic/etc that give bad breath. NO AMOUNT OF TOOTHPASTE OR MINTS HELPS WITH GARLIC BREATH.

psychocandy

OK. thanks for the advice.... Guess I've just let things slip a little...

Atholk

I suggest paying attention to physical fitness - eat right, work out, be active.

Pay attention to your dress sense and grooming. If nothing else be dressed in clean clothes and keep the hygiene thing together.

Pay attention at work and try find a way to earn more money. Doesn't have to be a huge amount, maybe it's an extra shift or two. It's the principle of the thing.

Start hitting on her. Keep it light and fun. Don't expect sex as a follow up. Just make random passes at her.

Provide active leadership. Don't pick her brains for what she wants to do, just come up with little mini plans for a day or afternoon, state the plan and just expect her compliance. This again doesn't have to be dramatic plans, a simple "lets go to the park", "I'm going to XYZ on Thursday, want to come?" is just fine. If she doesn't come, you go anyway.

Complete some household chores that require the use of tools. The use of tools is the orginial alpha male skill.

If she displays an interest in sex, make it good for her, and as much as possible (without getting weird on her) finish in a man on top/dominant position. When you cum, cum hard.

If shes talking to you. Actually listen.

Play with the children. Note you don't have to do much more than that to get her juices going - just playing with kids creates gina tingle in most women lol.

By all means comply with reasonable requests. Help out. But if she starts making stupid petty demands on you, its probably a test of some sort. I suggest you deflect such demands with humor and suggesting that she is just testing you rather than making a reasonable request. "You know I don't actually think you want XYZ, I think you're... being bratty / just looking for a spanking / haven't been laid in four hours". It's important to say this stuff with a big grin

Oh... and read my siggy.

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I do a lot of commenting here and love helping, but much of my best work and most coherent overview of how married men can have the best sex and relationship with their wife is done on my blog at http://www.marriedmansexlife.com/

dobo

I concur on the grey not being a problem.

psychocandy

I do go to the gym - ok not enough.

Some of the things you mentioned I'm OK on I guess. Work thing - never been an issue cos I've got a pretty important job. Surely women are not impressed by that? Or is it the effort your talking about here?

Atholk

It's an all purpose shotgun approach I'm posting. If you're good on some areas, you're good on those areas. If you're weak on some areas, work on those. If you're a high earner / important job guy for example, working more isn't going to net you much further benefit - but maybe fixing a few thing around the house and playing with the kids is going to net a big gain. If you're a househusband up to your ass in kids and stuff, maybe the physical fitness and dress sense is going to be the place to gain in. If you're a little heavy and the house is falling apart (raises hand), then working out and doing crap with tools is the way to go. (I'm getting better!) If you're a low wage guy, extra shifts and working on education is going to make her excited about you.

It's impossible for any one man to be the "perfect" man. It's best to play to our natural strenghts in our jobs and careers, but our relationships with our spouses demands a bit more of a generalized approach.

One of my weak areas is home maintaince for example. I'm just not terribly interested in it. But now I actually put a little effort into fixing dripping taps etc and it drives her batty with pleasure. (I put a cat door in and she... well lets just say I wondering where else I can put a cat door in!) Now I'm not going to fake being an actual plumber, anymore than I'm going to try and become a pro athlete. I'll do basic home maintainence just like I'll be basically fit. You push it to extremes and you become one dimensional I think.

Throw her a curve ball or too. Mostly the big thing to avoid with wives is boring them with the expectation of how you are and how things will be.

__________________
I do a lot of commenting here and love helping, but much of my best work and most coherent overview of how married men can have the best sex and relationship with their wife is done on my blog at http://www.marriedmansexlife.com/

Millania007

floss at night for sure! always carry gum, orbitz is great, try and chew a piece everytime after a meal if possible-hair color? depends on the woman, some like the grey?

Great clothes is always good, nice clean clothes, nice coordination
smell is SUPER important, AXE body spray is so yum, when my husband sprays that stuff on him at the store(hes a goofball and always sprays crap on him when we go out) I just want to jump his bones, I need to go get him some AXE lol
U should try the entire line, they have body wash, spray, shaving gel, that stuff smells excellent, it makes some women weak in the knees haha
Try spraying a spritz 10 minutes before you get home from work so the smell is NOT too too strong but she can still smell you when you come home

definitley work out C-A-R-D-I-O, I have been doing 6 days a week 40 min a day ugh its so hard but I have already lost 10 pounds and have only been working out for 3 months, eat better also, lots of veg/fruits, less carbs, less beer if u drink, this will help reduce the beer belly(if u have one) do ab work, crunches to slim the belly area if you want to start looking a little leaner
my husband gained like 15 pounds and I could care less that he gained weight I still want to ravish him constantly, so it really jus depends on the person? maybe your wife doesnt mind that you are little over weight

The main thing: I give you much respect for realizing that there is an issue, u are doing something to work on the case, and that shows a lot about you as a man, it shows that you love and care for your wife, this is awesome! your wife must certainly respect that as well, that at least u are trying

Let us all know how it plays out, I hope my suggestions were ok, probably things u r already working on

sorry to offend but how often do u guys have sex per week/month? Do you or her feel like its a chore more than fun? just curious on if u guys just recently fell into a slump or?

swedish

awesome

And for the record, I'm in the 'grey on a man is sexy' camp.

MEM11363

Atholk is really good at this. He really grasps the marital dynamic well - which is why he has a happy and sexually blissful marriage.

I take the same approach he does. And oddly enough have at least one overlapping area of weakness which is home improvements. So I make the effort. I know that putting in 2 ceiling fans this weekend is going to produce a very sexualized result. My wife has flat out told me that when I fix things - it makes her hot. She has no idea why and it DOES NOT MATTER.

I have nice clothing and yet not the best color sense. So I always ask her - is this a good combo? And if she says - I like this other shirt better or these other slacks - I just change. That simple. She loves when I cook - she hates to cook. I make the effort - and I make nice multi-course meals on the weekend.

My reward for making all her priorities my priorities is that she puts my shortlist of critical needs at the top of her queue. To feel loved I need sex. This is not a want. It is a need. She accepts that - and makes great sex a high priority.

That is not to say this is always easy. It isn't. I have had to learn how to suppress the tremendous adrenaline rush I get when she occasionally makes the mistake of speaking to me like her servant. And that only happens because she is pretty alpha, I am usually very accommodating and she sometimes pushes the edge of the envelope and needs to be spanked.

So when she asks: When you have a moment, can you look at the printer, it seems broken? She gets service with a smile.

However when she says with a really angry voice at 11:30 PM on Saturday night: "The printer in the office is broken." She gets hammered. Because in female speak that comment means - hey tech support ***** - go fix that problem.

And then nothing gets fixed until I hear the magic phrases: "I am sorry for speaking to you that way. I would not wish to be spoken to that way and will try hard not to do that in the future AND Could you please help me when you have time?"

MarkTwain

This is a huge step forward. Or will be if you capitalise on it

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MT
See me on: www.marriagesatsang.com

Atholk

The AXE stuff is for men like Garanimals for kids. It's hard to mess it up.

Cardio is more of a chick thing. Guys should be hitting weights as a greater emphasis. We only do cardio to stand at the back of the class and watch women bending over.

__________________
I do a lot of commenting here and love helping, but much of my best work and most coherent overview of how married men can have the best sex and relationship with their wife is done on my blog at http://www.marriedmansexlife.com/

psychocandy

I'm guessing AXE is a deodrant spray or something available in North America? I'm in the UK and although we dont have that here we do have similar so know what you mean.

psychocandy

Interesting to hear about the DIY thing. To be honest, I'm completely useless and lazy with DIY.

Maybe I should try harder....