I'm not interested in sex but want to be
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Sex in Marriage Sexual problems are common in many relationships. This section is for discussions about sexuality. Please limit discussions to those asking for help with a problem and those offering advice. Any other threads may be deleted.

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Old 11-24-2009, 01:27 PM   #1 (permalink)
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Default I'm not interested in sex but want to be

I've been married for almost two years but for longer than that I have had a fairly nonexistent sex drive. Basically now I just have sex because I know how much my husband wants to and I feel bad. I usually can't get into it and I just want him to finish. Some of the problems I think I have are that I'm usually extremely stressed about something (I'm in medical school) and I've never had an orgasm. I know I should try to masterbate to figure out how to orgasm but I've had no desire to masterbate. And if you aren't into it then it really does nothing at all.

I want to have a sex drive. I know its a crucial part of relationships and we have fights about this weekly if not more often. I don't know what to do which only makes the problem worse to him because he's tired of me saying "I don't know".

Any help would be much appreciated.
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Old 11-24-2009, 01:37 PM   #2 (permalink)
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Default Re: I'm not interested in sex but want to be

Never had an orgasm?? No wonder you aren't all that interested in sex. I think you need to work on being able to do that, even if it's on your own to start. Have you tried using vibrators or masturbating even if you don't have the desire to start?

Surely there are things that turn you on that you could focus on. Perhaps you need to schedule some time where you can just relax with a hot bath a a couple glasses of wine. I think if you can figure out how to give yourself an orgasm that could be a step towards how to have one together with him. Plus if you can't figure out how to make yourself cum it's going to be pretty hard for him to figure it out.

Sometimes my wife says she has no desire to use the vibrator but once it makes contact for a few seconds on her clitoris she changes her mind. So even though you don't think you want to pleasure yourself you should put forth the effort and attempt it. Once you learn to please yourself hopefully that will open many possibilities with him.
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Old 11-24-2009, 01:39 PM   #3 (permalink)
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Default Re: I'm not interested in sex but want to be

perfectlydark-

Leaving any psychological issues aside, there is a book called the Orgasmic Diet. I know the author (by email). The main thing in her diet is high quality fish oil. You have to take quite a bit, but it really works wonders for women. She also recommends dark chocolate. Get the 75% (or higher) cocoa type.
If you take 1000 - 2000 mg of high quality fish oil per day, after about 2 weeks you will crave penetration.

To tell if you have the right type of fish oil, look at the ingredients you will see EPA and DHA. Add the mg of these two together. They should come to half or more of the total mg of the capsule.

So if you have a 1000mg cap. and the DHA is 128mg and the EPA is 200mg, that comes to 328 which is less than half of 1000mg - not bad, but not the best. If you take fish oil with lower EPA/DHA you simply have to take more. Unfortunately, the cheaper stuff is known to make some people very REGULAR especially when they are not used to it. So don't stray too far from a rest room

It takes two weeks to kick in properly, but you may get a few twinges on day 3.

Eat salmon too.
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Old 11-24-2009, 02:35 PM   #4 (permalink)
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Default Re: I'm not interested in sex but want to be

Thanks I will try these suggestions out
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Old 11-24-2009, 03:32 PM   #5 (permalink)
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Default Re: I'm not interested in sex but want to be

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Thanks I will try these suggestions out
Please report back here with the results!
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Old 11-24-2009, 05:09 PM   #6 (permalink)
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Default Re: I'm not interested in sex but want to be

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I've been married for almost two years but for longer than that I have had a fairly nonexistent sex drive. Basically now I just have sex because I know how much my husband wants to and I feel bad. I usually can't get into it and I just want him to finish. Some of the problems I think I have are that I'm usually extremely stressed about something (I'm in medical school) and I've never had an orgasm. I know I should try to masterbate to figure out how to orgasm but I've had no desire to masterbate. And if you aren't into it then it really does nothing at all.

I want to have a sex drive. I know its a crucial part of relationships and we have fights about this weekly if not more often. I don't know what to do which only makes the problem worse to him because he's tired of me saying "I don't know".

Any help would be much appreciated.
Hey,

1 out of 2 aint bad. My wife scores 0/2....
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Old 11-24-2009, 06:05 PM   #7 (permalink)
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Default Re: I'm not interested in sex but want to be

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Hey,

1 out of 2 aint bad. My wife scores 0/2....
Which 1 thing do I have? Sorry I'm not following
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Old 11-25-2009, 03:09 AM   #8 (permalink)
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Which 1 thing do I have? Sorry I'm not following

You want to be interested...
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Old 11-25-2009, 08:54 AM   #9 (permalink)
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Default Re: I'm not interested in sex but want to be

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You want to be interested...
Oh I'm really sorry
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Old 11-25-2009, 08:57 AM   #10 (permalink)
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Default Re: I'm not interested in sex but want to be

perfect,

I understand your not wanting to with no orgasm thing. My wife, mainly due to psychological boundaries with sex from being date raped as a teenager, did not have an orgasm for at least the first 5 or 6 years of our marriage, and her libido was really low.

Now that we (together her and I) have her "buttons" figured out and she has one nearly every session (sometimes multiples) she wants sex nearly as often as I do and we average about 5 times a week.

Once you get those orgasm's coming (pun intended) your libido might rise a bunch. Plus, completed sex sessions (meaning both partners have an orgasm one way or another) are GREAT stress relievers.
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Old 11-25-2009, 09:02 AM   #11 (permalink)
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Default Re: I'm not interested in sex but want to be

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You want to be interested...
that is a major plus, you (perfectlydark) recognize the issue is a problem and you also see yourself as the point of focus. alot of us husbands, like psycho and me, do not have wives who see any need to change or improve and thats very frustrating
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Old 11-28-2009, 01:15 PM   #12 (permalink)
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Default Re: I'm not interested in sex but want to be

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I recommend exercise (I've read about studies that say it improves your libido) and red wine (I read that it increases blood flow to your pleasure zone) They both help me, but I think it all really comes down to mind over matter. Try thinking sexy thoughts.
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For the couple months I've been going to the gym almost everyday but I haven't really noticed any increase libido. I was hoping it would help but not really. I do have more energy though but that doesn't really help the problem.

And I definitely need to work on the thinking sexy thoughts my mind wanders like crazy. It's quite a task just staying focused on the sex and not thinking about a million other random stupid things.
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Old 11-28-2009, 02:41 PM   #13 (permalink)
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Default Re: I'm not interested in sex but want to be

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For the couple months I've been going to the gym almost everyday but I haven't really noticed any increase libido. I was hoping it would help but not really. I do have more energy though but that doesn't really help the problem.

And I definitely need to work on the thinking sexy thoughts my mind wanders like crazy. It's quite a task just staying focused on the sex and not thinking about a million other random stupid things.
Did you get some fish oil?
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Old 11-28-2009, 04:02 PM   #14 (permalink)
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Default Re: I'm not interested in sex but want to be

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Did you get some fish oil?
Haha yeah I actually already had some but I have a hard time remembering to take it. I bought them after we had a lecture about omega 3s and all the things they help with. Although libido was not on that list lol. But considering everything they are good for I could easily see how they could be linked to sex drive. The kind I have is 3 pills a day (lower dose per pill). When I run out of these I will buy some that are just one pill per day.
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Old 11-28-2009, 05:02 PM   #15 (permalink)
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Default Re: I'm not interested in sex but want to be

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When I run out of these I will buy some that are just one pill per day.
If you really want to crack this, you need the right dose. It goes on body weight. The book "The Orgasmic Diet" has all the details. Keep taking it. After 2 weeks you will probably feel something - HOT
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