Please advice. I have been happily married for past 6 years except for sex part. Me and my husband met when we were students, he is a kind and affectionate man but has a very low libido. On the other hand I have an extremely high libido (sex 2 times a day) I have bipolar 2 and people with that are extremely hyper-sexual, outgoing, dynamic and ambitious. It is a genetic disorder as I can see that with my brother, sister and father too. However I am hardworking with successful career and a positive personality but sex is always on my mind. Divorce for sex doesn't seem right to me as I really love him and he loves me. I have been suppressing my desires for past six years. He has tried exercising and other methods to boost testosterone levels but it doesn't help.
My office colleague has similar problem, he has bipolar 2 and his wife has low libido. He asked me if we could help each other and keep our marriages working. He has a little boy and a wife whom he really loves.
Is this something that people do(?) and if anyone is experienced can they throw some light on how I can solve this problem. I am not at peace with this. I don't bother my husband too much as I know he is very sensitive and he can not satisfy me even if he tries. I don't know what else to do. I don't know how will I spend my life like that. Can someone give me a positive advice and not be judgmental?
Ive thought about doing this, too. My H also has a low libido. and i think in theory it sounds really good. but in reality, it doesnt work. I understand what you mean about not wanting to leave the marriage just for sex. but if you have sex outside of marriage you are leaving the marriage. Not intentionally but odds are the marriage will end, and it will be ugly.
this is a horrible Idea, buy yourself a good vibrator and your co-worker can masterbate all he wants...but don't go justify cheating behind your spouses back, unless BOTH your spouses agree to this open relationship, then fine, otherwise, you are just screwing omeone else because you can't keep it in the pants.
I feel for you because i know how hard it is to supress your needs it certainly doesnt make you happy ,
I think it would depend on weather you seek his approval or go behind his back !!
I ve booked to see a professional therpist because it has become a problem .
you need to talk to your husband dont have regrets about making the wrong choices just to have a moment of madness
Husband's agreement is impossible.. We both are from extremely conservative/ traditional families and were inexperienced (virgins) when we got married. I myself don't know how I am going to react to this extra-marital relationship; that's why looking for advice. I met professional therapist and it concluded that either I should take divorce or buy a vibrator. I bought a vibrator and sometimes I masturbate 4-5 times a day especially during PMS (when I am extremely stressed out). For me it's more like a medical problem rather than social/romantic problem. We both are highly educated and balanced family people but trust me thinking about having an extra affair is completely out of desperation. I am a good wife and my husband is quite happy and satisfied with me. He thinks the same about me, but I keep my feelings private as I don't want to hurt him.I appreciate family values, love, trust and believe in it /practice it - but what do people like me should do? suffer through out their lives thinking this is god's plan for me. and By the way when I suppress my desires -they get accumulated over time and then I will meet some random guy who has a nice personality and would have instant crush on him, and would obsess privately about him for over a year - and he wont even have a clue. This is like being punished for a crime by god, society and fundamentalism for something I never committed.
I apologize for the harsh tone - But this is a fundamental question to the basis of our ethics and society. Trust me I am not a selfish person - which explains why I love and care for my husband (for past six years and would always do) -but having poor performance at work and crushes at work is killing me. I generally feel stressed out during mornings, insomnia is a huge part of the problem. sex helps to relax me- Alcohol, drugs and substance abuse is quite common in the stressed out situations but I neither drink or smoke and I am vegetarian. I have lot of love in my heart for people and friends around me and they all love me but I am really unhappy from inside.
Please advice. I have been happily married for past 6 years except for sex part. Me and my husband met when we were students, he is a kind and affectionate man but has a very low libido. On the other hand I have an extremely high libido (sex 2 times a day) I have bipolar 2 and people with that are extremely hyper-sexual, outgoing, dynamic and ambitious. It is a genetic disorder as I can see that with my brother, sister and father too. However I am hardworking with successful career and a positive personality but sex is always on my mind. Divorce for sex doesn't seem right to me as I really love him and he loves me. I have been suppressing my desires for past six years. He has tried exercising and other methods to boost testosterone levels but it doesn't help.
My office colleague has similar problem, he has bipolar 2 and his wife has low libido. He asked me if we could help each other and keep our marriages working. He has a little boy and a wife whom he really loves.
Is this something that people do(?) and if anyone is experienced can they throw some light on how I can solve this problem. I am not at peace with this. I don't bother my husband too much as I know he is very sensitive and he can not satisfy me even if he tries. I don't know what else to do. I don't know how will I spend my life like that. Can someone give me a positive advice and not be judgmental?
Nah. Dont do anything without your partners agreement otherwise its an affair.
I'm a similar situation to you. Wife has offered that she doesnt mind if I have sex with other women. Sounded great at first but when I thought about it it didnt sound so cool.
Not that they're exactly queuing up around the corner mind !
I am terrible with advice so take with a grain of salt please-
I think you should focus on why he does not satisfy you even if he tries. If he is willing to try there is something you can work with. When I say 'focus on', you need to think about and discuss the specifics of what he is doing wrong. Never say unable. He is able if you are both willing.
Sexual energy can also be channeled into other areas with some mental discipline. Just as with some mental discipline he is able to please you.
If you are both as commited and traditional as you say, you both can do this. Don't give up. Don't stray.
what do people like me should do? suffer through out their lives thinking this is god's plan for me.
i also think about this when considering if i should leave my H. There are pro's and con's to all lifestyles. What would your life be like if you divorced and got all the sex you wanted? think about it as an adult, with real consequences, and not in your fantasy land. Do you think that if you got all the sex you wanted, just as wild and crazy as you wanted, that you would not suffer? What about unwanted pregnancy's, disease, rape, and emotional turmoil? These are the con's of the lifestyle you are pursing.
Ive answered these questions for myself and i know i would suffer. You have an emotional imbalance and i know you would suffer, too. Not at first of course, but then you didnt suffer in your marriage at first either, did you. Be careful about the fantasy you are creating in your mind.
I appreciate everyone's advice. My husband's intercourse time is maximum 2-4 minutes and he can't give me any orgasms. He tried exercising and semen retention to boost his testosterone levels but has not succeeded so far. He is not interested as he is comfortable with his sexual capability. I mention time to time to do something about increasing his libido but he tries a little and then leaves it. I guess his biological built up is like that. I can't pressurize him to perform every time. It is extremely frustrating for me but I try to keep it cool as I know it would hurt him. He is very young, ambitious and on a good position; my continuous insistence would affect his personality and work in a negative way. He is pretty satisfied with sex twice a week and never initiates it. He is simply not a very sexual person though I am fairly attractive and wear sexy lingerie, do regular bj's etc.
I've been able to channelize my sexual energy for many years in my creative work (and have been successful!) but failing to do so for past one and a half years. In spite of too much work and deadlines my brain keeps obsessing about sex not necessarily with strangers but with my husband, and he doesn't carry any passion or intensity. I know an extra marital might end up being an emotional disaster for me so I haven't pursued it even when I got multiple chances. But it is very sad being sex starved.
I guess I don't have a solution; I'll pray to god and hope everything would be fine with time. When I'll have kids I'll be busy and channelize my energy in my kids.
Sexual energy can also be channeled into other areas with some mental discipline.
Not really. Most people it just builds up and then they can do something inappropriate as a pressure release. I really don't think her sex drive is going to become easier to manage if she takes up knittting and gets really good at it.
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I do a lot of commenting here and love helping, but much of my best work and most coherent overview of how married men can have the best sex and relationship with their wife is done on my blog at http://www.marriedmansexlife.com/
I appreciate everyone's advice. My husband's intercourse time is maximum 2-4 minutes and he can't give me any orgasms.
I think the big issue to work on here is not so much his libido, but your lack of orgasms with him. I would not let him get away with sex that doesn't get you to an orgasm. I'm not sure if you're both aware but only a small minority of women manage to orgasm through intercourse alone. It can be a purely physiological thing related to the proximity of the clitorus to the vagina.
Either you need to use your hands on yourself been you're with him, or he needs to do it you. Or some combination thereof.
__________________
I do a lot of commenting here and love helping, but much of my best work and most coherent overview of how married men can have the best sex and relationship with their wife is done on my blog at http://www.marriedmansexlife.com/
Not really. Most people it just builds up and then they can do something inappropriate as a pressure release. I really don't think her sex drive is going to become easier to manage if she takes up knittting and gets really good at it.
I don't think taking up knitting and getting really good at it is what I meant, and maybe if you really think that summarizes what I meant then the concept of channeling sexual energy (an ancient tradition practiced by many cultures in many many different ways) is obviously beyond you.
sex outside marriage
