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Sex in Marriage Sexual problems are common in many relationships. This section is for discussions about sexuality.

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Old 12-15-2009, 08:25 PM   #1 (permalink)
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Default long term gay & coke affair

Ok, so I posted before that my H had 'fallen once' to receive a bj from a man. In fact he 'fell' to that man multiple times across a long period of time. He claims he was always wasted on drugs when it happened. My questions:
1. He knowingly went back again and again. Is he gay? (He swears he isn't and hates to think about it. I do believe that he hasn't done that again and that particular relationship is definitely over.)
2. He loves butts. Does anyone here believe that he would be in this drugged out/recipient-only situation over a period of time and NOT go further with this guy? Like to HIS behind?

Can't believe this is part of my life...
Help. Really need perspective please?
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Old 12-15-2009, 08:35 PM   #2 (permalink)
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Default Re: long term gay & coke affair

holy sh*t what a deal!

first: cocaine makes you horny, for anything. so the gayness, well, it's what was available at the time.

second: coke is used as a seductress.

third: make him get tested for std's. all of em. demand to see the results. hppa may not allow you access without his approval, but he must give you that.
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Old 12-15-2009, 08:39 PM   #3 (permalink)
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Default Re: long term gay & coke affair

This is very helpful. I've been so confused!

I knew this guy was after my H for a long time - looking back I wish I put my foot down earlier - just NEVER thought he'd go there.

He was in a really bad place and this guy - yes - he would do anything to seduce my H. And my H said that the Coke made him get hot.

SO you think that he did way more than receive a bj - multiple times - right???? But still might not be 'gay' just have been totally sexed up?
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Old 12-15-2009, 10:29 PM   #4 (permalink)
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Default Re: long term gay & coke affair

high risk sex and cocaine use often intersect.

addiction to cocaine sometimes leads to an individual doing things he/she would never do.

ever heard the term "coke w#0re???
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Old 12-16-2009, 07:09 AM   #5 (permalink)
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Default Re: long term gay & coke affair

I do know that when my H was using, he wanted sex so much to the point I hated it. I even made him go to the doctor to have his libildo checked! Of course, at the time, I didn't know the cocaine was the cause of it. My H didn't do anything with anyone else, he just drove me crazy. I have heard about what Voivod is saying though.
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Old 12-16-2009, 08:50 AM   #6 (permalink)
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Default Re: long term gay & coke affair

nothing would make me recieve sex acts from another man, absolutely positively nothing. and i somewhat disagree with the coke/horny scenario, i think it works in the opposite and erection is difficult to achieve
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Old 12-16-2009, 09:25 AM   #7 (permalink)
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Default Re: long term gay & coke affair

Quote:
Originally Posted by okeydokie View Post
nothing would make me recieve sex acts from another man, absolutely positively nothing. and i somewhat disagree with the coke/horny scenario, i think it works in the opposite and erection is difficult to achieve
Are there other drugs that do cause a heightened drive? I'm now curious as to why my H wouldn've had an abnormal drive for a time and now falls in a much more normal range.....

I do know the thought of him being with another man is a huge turnoff for him. He's never had desires for that type of thing even in his mind. He did say he never wanted anyone but me during those times. I believe that completely.

I would search further into your husband's history. I would be concerned about STD's-- which is a possibility in any relationship which isn't monogamous.
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Last edited by mommy22; 12-16-2009 at 09:50 AM.
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Old 12-16-2009, 11:04 AM   #8 (permalink)
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Default Re: long term gay & coke affair

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Are there other drugs that do cause a heightened drive?
i have NO idea
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Old 12-16-2009, 11:13 AM   #9 (permalink)
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Default Re: long term gay & coke affair

This topic piqued my curiosity so I researched it. Apparently, with Coke use there is a desire to capitalize on the high. Coke addicts often look for thrill seeking activities to enhance the sensation.

However, there ia a flip side. As suggested, and I do know to be true, ED can play role here as well. WHile the man has much desire, he can't perform. I do know that doesn't happen that often, though. I think it starts to become an issue when the addiction is to the point of the addict removing himself/herself from job responsibilities, family, etc....
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Old 12-16-2009, 11:59 AM   #10 (permalink)
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Default Re: long term gay & coke affair

Well if marriage was a dating game show... I'm thinking if bachelor #1 is a gay coke addict, it's time to focus the questions on bachelor #2 and #3.
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Old 12-16-2009, 12:21 PM   #11 (permalink)
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Default Re: long term gay & coke affair

Good point Atholk. I would think if something like that happened once and it was that difficult for the recipient to even think back on the act, it wouldn't have been done multiple times, unless he was going through a period of experimentation and now feels shamed for cheating on you. It does sound like there were some tendencies there, but I do believe people can change. That said, you need to make certain your husband has, in fact, changed.

I don't think the statement, "once a cheater, always a cheater" rings true in all cases.
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Old 12-16-2009, 12:45 PM   #12 (permalink)
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Default Re: long term gay & coke affair

Thank you everyone. Love to hear from more folks on this too?
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Old 12-16-2009, 11:29 PM   #13 (permalink)
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Default Re: long term gay & coke affair

Ecstasy is known for its horny effects...
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Old 12-16-2009, 11:48 PM   #14 (permalink)
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Default Re: long term gay & coke affair

Quote:
Originally Posted by okeydokie View Post
nothing would make me recieve sex acts from another man, absolutely positively nothing. and i somewhat disagree with the coke/horny scenario
really? nothing? how about a gun to your head, or one of your beloved? yeah, you'd give AND receive. not trying to be macabre, just to make a point. ask addicts of the fiend cocaine. they'll tell you the addiction is like being held hostage.
Quote:
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i think it works in the opposite and erection is difficult to achieve
physically, it raises blood pressure for a short while. so maintaining an erection is pretty easy for a healthy man. the psychological effect is amazing. addicts spend the rest of their life trying to replicate the high. hence, the high risk behavior associated with coke.
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Old 12-16-2009, 11:53 PM   #15 (permalink)
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Default Re: long term gay & coke affair

Quote:
Originally Posted by mommy22 View Post
Are there other drugs that do cause a heightened drive?
extasy, lsd, marijuana, alcohol, heroin, meth, phentermine, should i continue.

some are due to the effect of lowering inhibitions.
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