Feeling uncomfortable/awkward having sex with my husband
My husband and I have been together for 8.5 years. We're 30 years old and have been married for a year and a half. We have no children, but both work full time, work out after work, and have generally busy schedules.
Sex has been a problem in our relationship for quite a while now, but we've just ignored it. About 2 years into our relationship I developed a large fibroid tumor that made sex very painful. At first we tried to push through it, but eventually neither of us wanted to do it anymore since it was so unconfortable for me. Slowly other sexual activities began to dwindle as well. It has gotten to the point now where we basically don't have sex at all. I read recently that a sexless marriage is defined as one in which couples have sex 10 times a year or less. That is definitely us.
Before this I was an extremely sexual person. I was open, experimental, etc... and never insecure. In the beginning of our relationship the sex was amazing, we tried things together that I'd never done with anyone else and we were so extremely confortable with each other.
Now, because the sex has been out of the picture for so long, it's almost like I've stopped seeing him in that way. In every other way our relationship is great. He's my perfect match when it comes to personality - we're both very independent, fun, happy people and we rarely fight. This problem also falls more on my end than his - he's still as interested in sex as he's ever been, he constantly tells me i'm sexy but because of the long string of no sex I've started feeling extremely awkward about being intimate with him in that way. When he tries to iniate sex I'm almost embarrassed to let myself go and be turned on or act sexy. As a result, I coil up instead. Then, I start to feel bad about that, sad about what it means, and anxious about the thought of the next encounter. I'll also add, that 2 years ago I had the fibroid tumor removed, have lost 40 pounds, and gotten into great shape - so health issues are no longer a factor.
Finally this week we began talking about this seriously. I was honest about what I've said above and he was open about finding a solution. Our initial plan is to "schedule" sex for every Sunday in order to take the stress out of it. I won't worry that he'll ask and I'll say no, etc... we've committed to making Sunday a day that we ensure we've made time for sex and I've committed to following through even if it still feels weird to me at first. I've read a lot of things that say the best way to get sex back in the picture is to just do it, even if you don't feel like it, etc... This week will be the first attempt, so I don't know how it will go.
I feel like situation must be something that other people have gone through, but so few people are comfortable talking about it with friends and families because they feel like something is wrong with them. I am just looking for some advice or support from anyone out there who can identify with this problem.