Living together before marriage?

marcy* · 02-28-2010, 03:03 PM

It's necessary for two people who are in love to live together before they decide to get married?
How do you think?

TNgirl232 · 02-28-2010, 03:18 PM

No I don't think so. I didn't live with my first husband except for the 6 months leading up to the wedding (we had been dating 5 years by that time) and I didn't live with my current husband at all (other than weekend visits - which is nothing like living together

). Statistics say that people who live together prior to marriage are more likely to end up divorced.

artieb · 02-28-2010, 06:05 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by TNgirl232

Statistics say that people who live together prior to marriage are more likely to end up divorced.

As I remember, the authors of the study concluded that living together didn't make people more likely to get divorced, but that the kind of people who who live together before they get married are the kind of people more likely to get a divorce if they aren't happy. It's not the living together that causes the divorce, it's the rejection of traditional "no sex before marriage, marriage for a lifetime" beliefs which leads to both.

For my own personal experience, I can tell you this: if I'd lived with my first wife for a year before getting engaged, I would not have married her. And that breakup would likely have been less awful than the divorce was, when we finally did get divorced.

And I'll repeat now what I've always said about her: she is not a bad person, and our divorce was not her fault, and I bear her no ill will whatever. But we were a bad match, and our marriage was a disastrous mistake. And in the end, it took us far too long to admit that mistake and split.

I'm not going to tell you what to do; I can hardly claim to have run my life flawlessly, and I'm in no spot to tell anybody else how to run theirs. What I can say is that I did my first marriage the traditional way, and it was a mistake.

TNgirl232 · 02-28-2010, 06:41 PM

I guess what artieb is saying....it depends on the person, the couple, and the reasoning. My first husband was my highschool sweetheart - I wasn't stupid enough to move in with him and live off a fast food budget while in college with our child while my parents were willing to let me leave with them and provide the support I needed. My second husband, I wanted to set a good example for my daughter and not bring someone into her life and home unless they were guaranteed to stick around (not that being married is a guarantee, but I think you know what I mean).

Kagonu · 03-05-2010, 04:49 PM

I'm currently living with my fiance and it hasn't been a negative experience. We decided to move in together because it was beneficial to both of our schedules. Before, he'd visit me at my parents and accidentally fall asleep. I'd have to wake him up at 2 am and he would have to drive himself home half asleep.

My mom always told me to live with a person to learn if everything will work out. You learn about their living habits, how they act when you're not around. How far the chemistry between the two of you can really go. All the stuff you'd find out later on anyway. And you can learn to deal with problems, or sort them out, before they become legal issues.

I couldn't imagine wanting to marry someone without living with them for at least 6 months. It really depends on the persons involved. If it feels right, I say do it.

HopeinHouston · 04-13-2010, 06:47 AM

Actually, statistically, people who live together before marriage:

-have a vastly higher divorce rate
-are less likely to be sexually satisfied in their marriage
-are less likely to be happy in their marriage

Amplexor · 04-13-2010, 08:11 AM

Circumstances threw my wife and I into living together just a few weeks after we met. For us it was a good experience. While the marriage nearly failed a few years ago we worked our tails off to save it. We are still together under one roof 25+ years later. I'd have no problem with one of our kids made the decision to live with another. (As long as we liked the roommate.)

numb · 04-13-2010, 09:47 AM

This is a hard question. I see what statistic say and I am not sure I fully agree.

If I had lived with my husband first I would have learned more about him we dated 5 years before getting married and took week end trips and all that vacations whatever, but when we moved into our house after our wedding we fought sooo much, more than we ever did in the 5 years. If I ever do get married again I am holding my grounds about living together first. I think its important.

I have many friends that lived with their husbands before marriage and are doing great. 10+ years and still happy.

Just my 2 cents worth.