cheewagacheewaga

I consider myself traditional and old fashioned about marriage and family, but after reading through problems and problems of your marriages in this forum, it makes me wonder if I'll fall into the same problems you all face.

Any tips for a single guy like me to avoid getting into situations like yours?

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draconis

Yes learn how to communicate and you'll have much better relationshipds.

draconis

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cheewagacheewaga

Thanks for the tip, Draconis. I do see that sometimes some men/women just "fall out of love". It seems that it isn't really the other person's fault, but that the individual made a mistake and married the wrong person? So what if I fell into that kind of situation where my wife decided she didn't love me anymore even though I was doing everything "right". Or what if she cheated on me with an office mate? Those are things that I have no control of?

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draconis

You can never truly control the other person but if you read the success stories on this forum you will see what has made them work. Communication is a great factor in knowing your partner, healing problems etc. Have faith and never settle, find the perfect person.

draconis

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mommy22

Keep in mind several things: 1) anything worthwhile in life will require work-- it's the work you put into things that makes you appreciate them so much more 2) you're not going to see as many wonderfully happy couples on this site as you would elsewhere because many come to this site for help for troubled marriages. I think I speak for everyone when I say that the success stories that come in are such an encouragement 3) Yes, many marriages hit troubled spots, but many times those troubled spots cause couples to reexamine the relationship and, in effect, bring new life to it.

It's really no different than the stories you hear about the process of childbirth for women. You hear the complaints about the pain and such, yet many of those women have more than one child. Why do you think that is? They didn't stop at one because it's worth it!! It's because the love and awe for those children and the happiness they bring outweighs momentary pain.

So, don't let it be a discouragement to you. Best wishes and happiness to you!

swedish

In most of what I've seen on here (and in my own situation) there were definitely things that got the marriage to this point, mainly stemming from one or both parties taking the spouse/marriage for granted.

I think it's great you're single and here because you can see a common thread in many of these situations: emotional distance, spouses feeling unloved, unsupported, alone. All reasons that may tempt one to get those needs met elsewhere. If you do meet someone you think is 'the one' and want to make a life-long commitment, as mommy22 said, if you go in with your marriage as your top priority and stay fully vested in making sure each others needs are being met, as Draconis says through communication, it can be very fulfilling and rewarding to share your life with another.

blind

Remeber, most people come here because their marriage is in trouble. There are many happily married people you don't hear about. Many like me, realized the marital problems and sought help too late. I'm now faced with the decision my wife has made to divorce. I've learned much on this road. I've driven through some hard rains, and I expect there are more to come. But when the skies clear and my heart heals, I fully expect to find someone to love and that loves me. Some of the happiest times in my life were spent married and in love. I'm glad you are here and reading. You'll avoid many of marriage's pitfalls if you'll use this information and honestly, objectively look at you relationships. Evaluate your relationships early and often. Read The Five Languages of Love. It will help you understand why many marriages fail. Atleast it clearly explained my failing marriage. Best of luck to you.

Blind

ljtseng

i certainly thought i had it all figured out before i got married. i had four older married sisters who i probbed about their marriages. i thought i knew all the answers. thing is, emotions dont respond to logic. I did know all the answers. but you really cant know anything until you've experienced it for yourself. you'll have issues in your marriage. but im going to guess youve had issues in your life too right? its all ups and downs. marriage isnt any different. what will happen is you will get to know yourself better. hopefully you evolve in to someone you can respect.

Triton

This site should make you think hard about marriage. Be afraid -Very afraid.

draconis

If you fear marriage and or relationships it is because you do not know how to find the right person, hoe to treat them, or how to act in a relationship.

draconis

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cheewagacheewaga

Well I hope I find myself soon because I'm almost 30! 30!!!

Oh I am! And that's why I like this forum because it gives me a preview of what might come!

That's also very true. I consider myself to be not normal, and I don't mean that in a negative way. I know I'm different than others since I'm introverted and I think like an engineer. I'm also inexperienced with women so that's a disadvantage for me.

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justean

from your thread it sounds like youve given up b 4 u started.
there are all personalities on this forum, some you wil get on with and some you wont. its like meeting ppl in the street, ppl might not be your cup of tea and vice versa.
not everybody has everyones experiences, you might not face situations like other ppl.
but what you realise on the forum, is that communcation is the key factor. ppl on this forum really care and no ones experiences are abnormal - there just different.
your not abnormal and dont let n e one tell you that.
i was the ugly duckling in school , im not .
keep being you and despite all , when you meet someone, you wil have your own relationship experiences.
your relationship, will be totally different to the next person.
so accept things when they happen and dont think negative.
you put yourself out in a negative mood or manner and ppl do sense it.

ljtseng

cheewagacheewaga

Thanks for the advice, justean. I haven't given up on looking for a life partner. I know what I want, but at the same time, I'm inexperienced in relationships so I all ready know I am behind, so to speak. I'm also a perfectionist and don't like to disappoint myself and others. It's going to be a long and bumpy road for me when it happens. That much I know! That's why I like coming to this forum and reading other people's problem so I can expect every type of scenario that would happen.

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